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自我投资：社会关系和人际网络24ENEditor'sNote：Recently,Idiscussedthevalueofinvestinginyourself-puttingtimeandmoneyintoimprovingyou,notbuildingassets.Today,we’lllookatoneareaofinvestinginyourselfaspartofanongoingseriesonthetopic,spreadoutonceperweekdayovertwoweeks.Ifyou’dliketoreviewalltheentries,lookattheinvestinginyourselfsubcategory.I’maratherintrovertedperson.WhenI’minagroupofpeople,mygutinstinctistoclamup,bequiet,andsinkintothewoodwork(unless,ofcourse,I’mverycomfortablewithmostofthegroup).Ittakesgenuineeffortformetospeakupinagroupsituation,andformuchofmyadultlifeIsimplywouldn’tdoit.I’djustsitthere,waitingforsomeoneelsetotalkandquiteoftennotengagingatall.Thisantisocialstreakwashinderingme,andIknewit.Alargegroupoffriendsandassociatesareincrediblyvaluabletohave-theycanprovidesupporttoyouincountlesswaysandyoucanprovidesupportbacktothemaswell.Bysittingtherelikeabumponalog,notonlywasInotactivelyworkingtowardsbuildingfriendshipsandrelationships,Iwasactuallysendingoffanegativevibetopeople.Thereweretwobooksthatreallyturnedthingsaroundforme:DaleCarnegie’sHowtoWinFriendsandInfluencePeopleandKeithFerrazzi’sNeverEatAlone.Thesebooksactuallyhavealotincommon-theybothfocusonhowexactlytoeffectivelyinteractwithotherpeople.Carnegie’sbookfocusesontheactualinteractionsthemselves-howdoyouactuallystepupandconversewithsomeone?Ferrazzi’sbookcontinuesthatthought-howdoyoubuildaconversationintoarelationshipthathasvalue?They’rebothfilledwithveryspecifictipsthatyoucanstartapplyingrightoffthebat.Withthatinformationinhand,Ihadagoodideaofwhattodo-Ijustneededtogetstarteddoingit.Herearesomedirectactionsyoucantaketostartinvestinginbuildinganetworkoffriendsandacquaintancesthatactuallyhavevalue,bothtoyouandtothepersonyou’reconnectedto.Engageinactivitiesthatenablealotofinteractionswithalotofpeople.Thefirststepistosimplymeetpeoplewhoseinterestsoverlapwithyourown.Sure,youmayknowpeoplethroughwork,butthat’sonlythetipoftheiceberg-therearemany,manypeopleouttheretomeet,toknow,andtodevelopfriendshipsandrelationshipswith.Herearesometipsforgettingoutthatfrontdoor.Identifysocialactivitiesthatmeshwithyourinterests.Likereadingbooks?Joinabookclub.Likeoutdooractivities?Joinanoutdoorclub.Curiousaboutthecommunity?Gotoanysortofcommunityactivity-checkatcityhallforthecommunitycalendar.Obsessedwithyourcareer?Gotomeetingsandconventionsrelatedtoyourprofessionalarea.JoinMeetupsforanyactivityofinteresttoyou.Mostlargecitiesofferalotofopportunitytoexplorewhateverinterestyoumayhave.Don’tgiveuponitafterjustonemeeting.Thebiggestmistakethatpeoplemakewhenjoiningapotentiallyinterestinggroupisthattheygiveupwhentheygotothefirstmeeting,thepeopletherealreadyseemtoknoweachother,andthereareongoingthingsthatthey’renotfamiliarwith.Giveitafewmeetings.Askquestionsifyoudon’tknowwhat’sgoingon.Don’tjustassumethatyou’llimmediatelybepartofanyongoingsocialcircleatthisgroup-giveittimetohappen.Don’tbeafraidtobethefirsttotalk-butdon’tbetheonlyonetalking.Oneintensechallengeformeistoknowhowtodealwithagroupofpeoplewhennooneistalking.Everyone’sexperiencedthem-thoseperiodsofsilencewhennoonehasquiteyettakentheinitiativetostartaconversationortobringupanewtopic.That’stheperfecttimetogetanewconversationrollingandtobenoticedbyothers,sotakeadvantageofit.Herearesometips.Realizethateveryoneelseisprobablyfeelingasuncomfortableasyouare.Ifthere’sasilenceintheroom,it’sprobablyagoodindicationthatmanyofthepeopletheredon’tknowwhattosaynextandarefeelingsomeofyourdiscomfort.Bysteppingupandgettingtheballrolling,youoftenattractapositiveresponsefromothers.Ifallelsefails,askacontextualquestion.Mostofthetime,Idon’tknowwhattosay,soI’llusewhat’sgoingonasthecontextforaquestion.I’llaskaquestionaboutthegroupitself,theeventwe’reengagedin,thebookthebookclubisreading,orsoon.Ifyou’reinaverysmallgroup,currenteventscanbeagoodtopictobreakthesilence.Ifyounoticeyou’retheonlyonetalking,it’sprobablytimetogivesomeoneelseanopportunity.Inotherwords,trimyourpointtoacloseandtrytofinishbyencouragingsomeoneelsetotalk.Onegoodwaytodothatistofinishwitha“Whatdoyouallthink?”Askquestions.ThemosteffectivewayI’vefoundtogetaconversationgoingortocontinueitistogetapersontotalkaboutthemselves.Theeasiestwaytopulloffthattrickistoaskaquestion-createasituationwhereitmakessocialsenseforthatpersontobegindiscussingthemselves.Here’ssomeadviceonhowtodothat.Askaquestionthatthepersonwouldfeelcomfortableanswering.Ifyou’reinabookclub,questionsaboutthebookyou’rereadingarealwaysfairgame.Ifthey’vebroughtuptheirchildrenorfamily,cursoryandpositivequestionsaboutthattopicarefair,too.Ingeneral,questionsthatarepositiveintoneandaren’ttoopersonalarealwaysworthwhile.Complimentsomeone,forexample,andaskwheretheygotthatitemoridea.Listentotheresponses.Listentowhatthey’resaying.Trytounderstandtheirviewpointandexperiences-they’regoingtobedifferentthanyourown.Ifyoufindyourselfgettingbored,thenyou’reeitherdiscussingatopicthattrulydoesn’tinterestyouoryou’renotclickingwiththatperson,whichisfine,butthefirststeptoapositiveconnectionistolistentowhattheysayandtrytofigureoutwhattheymean.Usetheresponsesforfol