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导演：hi,douknowme?What？Youdon’tknowwhoIam?okok,Iwillgiveusomeclues.Look,whoishe？（冯小刚）o,yes,now,uknowwhoamI.what!Ustilldon’tknow。Omygod,it’ssoobviouswhoamI.(生气的样子)秘书在一旁扇风一边说秘书:clamdown,clamdown,mydeardirector,youarethemostfamous,handsome,talenteddirector.Youareageniusinmyheart.导演：（开心的点头）yesofcourse.ok,letmeintroducemyself,Iamfengdagang,todayIwilldirectanewfilmandIwillselectsomeonewhogetthechanceinmyfilm.Ok,don’tspeakmore,nowlet’sbegin.秘书：（站直）Numberone,let’swelcome范小冰：（风情万种，妖娆妩媚的走到舞台中间，定格姿势，给观众飞吻）hello,Iamfanxiaobing,what?YousayIamlooklikefanbingbing.(hehehehe笑)thankyou.IknowIamverybeautiful,charmingandsexy(走向导演)oh,honey,deardirector.Iloveyousomuch.(导演高兴)whenIwasyoung,Iwanttobeaactress.导演：doyouhavesometalent?范小冰：justopenyoureyesasbigasyoucan,therewillbeafantasticdanceshowforu.(打个响指)comesomemusic(第八套广播体操音乐响起，之后音乐迅速变成芭蕾音乐)（跳完，面向观众鞠躬）thankyou.(面向导演)，honey，isitawonderfulperformance?导演:(目瞪口呆状)范小冰：（在甲眼前晃手）oh,darling,areuok?导演：mygod,haveuusesomestimulantdrugsthismorning,umakemynervesnervous.getout范小冰:ohnosweet,youbreakmyheart(掩面离去)秘书：nextone.翁翁：oh,dearaudiences,Imissyouguyssomuch.(和观众使劲挥手疯狂状态，随即想到什么)oh,Iamafairlady，Iamverygrace.(小莲花步走向导演)nicetomeetu,director.导演（与之握手）nicetomeetutoo,sointroduceyourself.翁翁：I’mcelinewengweng,Iamveryinternational.Youknow,Idon’thavetoomanyachievements,IjustwonfiveGrammyawards,7AmericanMusicAwards,12WorldMusicAwardsandaOscaraward…(hehehehe)inthefuture，Iwillget.导演:ok,stop.Timeislimited,justbegin翁翁：ok,Iwilluseasongtoconqueru(一首歌)justenjoyit.(唱歌时间)导演：stop,stop(翁翁不理，导演和秘书一起捂着耳朵)翁翁：isitwonderful？导演不语，秘书nextone嬷嬷：（对着翁翁的背影沉思）tobeornottobe,thatisaquestion.Tosingornottosing,thatisaquestiontoo(走到导演面前牵起他的手做亲吻状)Iamgladtoseeu,mydearlord.导演（娇羞状）ohit’sreallyabigsurprise,so,what’syourname?嬷嬷：myname?doyouknowxuzhimo,导演点头，Iamhisfather’sbrother’scousin’sgranddaughterxumomo.导演：Idon’tcarewhouare,showmeyourtalent.嬷嬷：Ihavehadfoundmybestlove,butIdidn’ttreasureher.WhenIlosther,Iregret.It’sthemostpainintheworld.IfGodcangivemeanotherchance,IwillsaythreewordstoherIloveu（嘤嘤的哭）导演：oh,Ican’tstand,showuthedoor嬷嬷：（转身离开，继续台词）ifthereisatimelimit,Ihopeit’s100years导演：Iamveryprofessionaldirector,howtofindthisunprofessionalactor.Nextone秘书:mydeardirector,thereisnonextone.导演：what,noonecomeshereexcepttheythree,o,god秘书：Whatdouthinkaboutme?(摆出最风情万种的姿势)导演：you…秘书点头导演：ai,giveuachance秘书：（模特表演时间）themosthandsomedirector,Iknowyouhaveagoodtaste.So,douwanttosaysomething?导演：letthethreecomehere范小冰：honey,ulikemydance,right?导演：en,uknowmyfilmisveryelegant,throughyourperformsIfoundsomepotential,so,Iwillgiveuthechance众人：really?Youreallyhaveagoodtaste导演：IjustworriedifIdon’twantyou,whowillwantu.douhaveconfidence众人：yeswedo（齐跳小苹果）