2016专四作文讲评及写作指导

一、2016年专业四级写作题目概况（一）测试要求：写一篇200个单词左右的作文，考试时间45分钟，计20分。（二）2016年专四作文评分标准：1.summary（6分）2.comments（12分）A.思想与表达（ideasandarguments）7分（满分7分，其中6-7分优秀，4-5分良好，3分一般，1-2分较差。）（1）思想内容（content）内容切题；内容充实；观点明确；论据支持论点；有独到见解。（2）表达效果（effectiveness）表达清晰；有说服力。（3）篇章组织结构（rhetoricalorganization）每段有主题句；句间衔接自然；段间过渡自然；第一部分明确提出观点；最后一部分自然得出结论；段落排列合理。B.语言运用能力（languageuse）5分（满分5分，其中5分优秀，3-4分良好，2分一般，1分较差。）（1）准确性（correctness）语法正确；句子结构正确；固定搭配正确；用词准确。（2）丰富性（richness）词汇丰富；句子形式多样。（3）得体性（appropriateness）语气恰当；语言地道。3.写作规范mechanics（2分）（满分2分，其中2分优秀，1.5分良好，1分一般，0.5分较差）单词拼写正确；标点符号正确；大小写正确；书写美观；卷面整洁。范文1Whenitcomestowhetherparentsshouldtaketheirchildrentospendholidaysduringterm-time,viewsontheissuevaryfrompersontoperson.（引入话题）Parentsclaimthatbydoingso,theycansavealotofmoneybornofbusyschoolholidays.Educationalofficialsstronglyopposethistendencyonthegroundthatitencouragestruancy,whichinturndamagesachild’seducation.（两种观点）Asaresult,UK’seducationauthoritiesarenowbanningparentsfromtakingtheirchildrenforholidaysduringterm-timetosavemoney.（概括材料）Frommyperspective,themeritsofbanningterm-timeholidaysoutweighitsdemerits.（陈述观点）Tobeginwith,takingtoughmeasuresonthiskindoftruancyisconducivetothenormalteachingprocess,oneofthekeyelementstoguaranteekid’sacademicperformance.（理由一）Asweknow,currently,teachershavethediscretiontoapproveacertaintimeofabsencefromschoolforeachchild.Bydefinitelyabolishingtherightofheadteachersto“authorizeabsence”fromtheclassroom,thoseteacherscanrarelybepesteredbyparentswhowanttotakechildrentogoonaholidayjusttosavemoney,whichseverelydisruptsteachingprocess.（具体论证一）What’smore,withoutstrictpenaltiesimposedontheparentswholeadtotheirkid’splayingtruant,thoseparentscangraduallyviewaskingforholidayleaveasaright.（理由二）Oncethisculturalexpectationisformed,theleveloftruancywilldramaticallyincrease.（假设论证二）Accordingly,thegrowingtrendofterm-timeholidaysshouldbebannedwithnodelay.（重申论点）Inthisway,teacherscanimpartknowledgewithoutdisturbanceandparentswillbedeterredfromsavingmoneyattheexpenseofsacrificingtheirkid’seducation.范文2NewresearchhasshownthatalmostfouroutoftenparentsintheUKhavetakentheirchildrenoutofschooltogoonholidays.（描述背景）Costisthemainreasongivenbyparentsforsacrificingtheirchildren’seducation.Parentsaretobebanned,however,byUK’sEducationAuthority,fromtakingtheirchildrenoutofschooltogoduringtermtime.（总结材料。围绕两点：cost,ban）Shouldlocalauthoritiesstaggerschoolholidaystoenablefamilieswithchildrentotakeadvantageoftravelbargains?Orisitwrongforparentstojeopardizetheirchildren’seducationforthesakeofacheaperholiday?AsfarasIamconcerned,educationismoreimportant.（提出观点）Firstly,children’seducationmustcomefirst.Acheapholidayduringtheschoolseasonshouldn’tbethereasontotakeachildoutofschool.Someparentsarenotwillingtosacrificeorscheduletheirlivesintermsoftheirchildren’sneeds.Thiskindofattitudewillinfluencetheirchildrendeeply.It’snowondersomanykidsarenotinterestedinschoolanddon’ttaketheirstudyseriously.（论据一）Secondly,schoolisn’tdaycarecenter.It’saneducationalinstitutionthatneedseverystudenttofollowitsrules.Takingachildonholidaywhenschoolisinsessionwilldisturbtheorderoftheschool.（论据二）Besides,itisdisruptiveforthechild,becausehewillhavetocatchupwhenhereturns.（论据三）Allinall,takingchildrenoutofschoolforacheaperholidayisirresponsiblebehavior.（总结前文）Thoseparentswouldriskbeingfinedfinanciallyandmorally.It’snotonlykidsthatneedtogrowup——alotofparentsneedtoaswell.二、2016专四写作部分问题分析（一）作文审题问题。1.不熟悉专四改革后的写作题目设计特点，只看材料即刻着手写作，忽略了对材料的分析和概括。2.题目要求学生：Youshouldcommentonwhetherparentsshouldtakechildrenoutofschoolforholidaysduringtermtimeinordertosavemoney。有相当一部分学生对题目中提到的家长是否应该利用假期带领孩子出游的观点进行了详细的论证，但是他们忽略了题目要求的最后一个重要信息：inordertosavemoney，导致学生在论述个人观点时根本没有涉及savemoney。（二）语篇衔接问题。在写作过程中如果忽视语篇的衔接，就会导致句子和句子之间的逻辑混乱、层次不分明、不能有力地论证观点。例如：Iaminclinedtobanthetermtimeholidays.Itcansavemoney.Childrenarebasedonthebeliefthattoprovestudyskills.Schoolsareagoodplaceforchildrentopractice…（非连贯句）Iaminclinedtobanthetermtimeholidaysbecauseitcansavemoney.Foronething,childrencanimprovetheirstudyskillsatschoolwhichisagoodplaceforchildrentopracticetheirabilities…（连贯句）（三）语言功底问题：句式单一，语法错误，词汇误用，用词缺乏变化。Isupportsuchthingbythegovernment.Educationplaysaveryimportantroleinaperson’sdevelopmentinearlieryears.Withouteducation,theremaybemoresocialproblems,andthepoorpeoplehavefewerchancestomoveupwardthesocialladder.（句式单一，用词简单）Iaminsupportofsuchmovebythegovernmentbecauseeducationliesintheheartofaperson’sdevelopmentinearlieryears.Lackofeducationcouldseverelyaggravatesocialdisparityanddeprivethepoorofthechanceofmovingupwardthesocialladder.（句式多样，用词得体）例句中的lieintheheartof，lackofeducation，aggravate，deprive等用词比起原文要正式，句型也出现多样变化，更有效地表达了观点。