搜索
1EverydayUseforyourgrandmamaAliceWalkerIwillwaitforherintheyardthatMaggieandImadesocleanandwavyyesterdayafternoon.Ayardlikethisismorecomfortablethanmostpeopleknow.Itisnotjustayard.Itislikeanextendedlivingroom.Whenthehardclayissweptcleanasafloorandthefinesandaroundtheedgeslinedwithtiny,irregulargrooves,anyonecancomeandsitandlookupintotheelmtreeandwaitforthebreezesthatnevercomeinsidethehouse.Maggiewillbenervousuntilafterhersistergoes:shewillstandhopelesslyincorners,homelyandashamedoftheburnscarsdownherarmsandlegs,eyinghersisterwithamixtureofenvyandawe.Shethinkshersisterhasheldlifealwaysinthepalmofonehand,thatnoisawordtheworldneverlearnedtosaytoher.You'venodoubtseenthoseTVshowswherethechildwhohasmadeitisconfronted,asasurprise,byherownmotherandfather,totteringinweaklyfrombackstage.(APleasantsurprise,ofcourse:Whatwouldtheydoifparentandchildcameontheshowonlytocurseoutandinsulteachother?)OnTVmotherandchildembraceandsmileintoeachother'sface.Sometimesthemotherandfatherweep,thechildwrapstheminherarmsandleansacrossthetabletotellhowshewouldnothavemadeitwithouttheirhelp.Ihaveseentheseprograms.SometimesIdreamadreaminwhichDeeandIaresuddenlybroughttogetheronaTVprogramofthissort.Outofacarkandsoft-seatedlimousineIamusheredintoabrightroomfilledwithmanypeople.ThereImeetasmiling,gray,sportymanlikeJohnnyCarsonwhoshakesmyhandandtellsmewhatafinegirlIhave.ThenweareonthestageandDeeisembracingmewithtearsinhereyes.Shepinsonmydressalargeorchid,eventhoughshehastoldmeoncethatshethinksorchidesaretackyflowers.InreallifeIamalarge,big-bonedwomanwithrough,man-workinghands.InthewinterIwearflannelnightgownstobedandoverallsduringtheday.Icankillandcleanahogasmercilesslyasaman.Myfatkeepsmehotinzeroweather.Icanworkoutsideallday,breakingicetogetwaterforwashing;Icaneatporklivercookedovertheopentireminutesafteritcomessteamingfromthehog.OnewinterIknockedabullcalfstraightinthebrainbetweentheeyeswithasledgehammerandhadthemeathunguptochillbe-forenightfall.Butofcourseallthisdoesnotshowontelevision.Iamthewaymydaughterwouldwantmetobe:ahundredpoundslighter,myskinlikeanuncookedbarleypan-cake.Myhairglistensinthehotbrightlights.JohnnyCar–sonhasmuchtodotokeepupwithmyquickandwittytongue.Butthatisamistake.IknowevenbeforeIwakeup.WhoeverknewaJohnsonwithaquicktongue?Whocanevenimaginemelookingastrangewhitemanintheeye?ItseemstomeIhavetalkedtothemalwayswithonetootraisedinflight,withmyheadturnedinwhicheverwayisfarthestfromthem.Dee,though.Shewouldalwayslookanyoneintheeye.Hesitationwasnopartofhernature.HowdoIlook,Mama?Maggiesays,showingjustenoughofherthinbodyenvelopedinpinkskirtandredblouseformetoknowshe'sthere,almosthiddenbythedoor.Comeoutintotheyard,Isay.Haveyoueverseenalameanimal,perhapsadogrunoverbysomecarelesspersonrichenoughtoownacar,sidleuptosomeonewhoisignorantenoughtobekindofhim?Thatisthe2waymyMaggiewalks.Shehasbeenlikethis,chinonchest,eyesonground,feetinshuffle,eversincethefirethatburnedtheotherhousetotheground.DeeislighterthanMaggie,withnicerhairandafullerfigure.She'sawomannow,thoughsometimesIforget.Howlongagowasitthattheotherhouseburned?Ten,twelveyears?SometimesIcanstillheartheflamesandfeelMaggie'sarmsstickingtome,herhairsmokingandherdressfallingoffherinlittleblackpaperyflakes.Hereyesseemedstretchedopen,blazedopenbytheflamesreflect-edinthem.AndDee.Iseeherstandingoffunderthesweetgumtreesheusedtodiggumoutof;alookatconcentrationonherfaceasshewatchedthelastdingygrayboardofthehousetallintowardthered-hotbrickchimney.Whydon'tyoudoadancearoundtheashes?I'dwantedtoaskher.Shehadhatedthehousethatmuch.IusedtothinkshehatedMaggie,too.Butthatwasbeforeweraisedthemoney,thechurchandme,tosendhertoAugustatoschool.Sheusedtoreadtouswithoutpity,forcingwords,lies,otherfolks'habits,wholelivesuponustwo,sittingtrappedandignorantunderneathhervoice.Shewashedusinariverofmake-believe,burneduswithalotofknowledgewedidn'tnecessarilyneedtoknow.Pressedustoherwiththeseriouswaysheread,toshoveusawayatjustthemoment,likedimwits,weseemedabouttounderstand.Deewantednicethings.Ayelloworgandydresstoweartohergraduationfromhighschool;blackpumpstomatchagreensuitshe'dmadefromanoldsuitsomebodygaveme.Shewasdeterminedtostaredownanydisasterinherefforts.Hereyelidswouldnotflickerforminutesatatime.OftenIfoughtoffthetemptationtoshakeher.Atsixteenshehadastyleofherown'andknewwhatstylewas.Ineverhadaneducationmyself.Aftersecondgradetheschoolwascloseddown.Don'taskmewhy.in1927coloredaskedfewerquestionsthantheydonow.SometimesMaggiereadstome.Shestumblesalonggood-naturedlybutcan'tseewell.Sheknowssheisnotbright.Likegoodlooksandmoney,quicknesspassedherby.ShewillmarryJohnThomas(whohasmossyteethinanearnestface)andthenI'llbefreetosithereandIguessjustsingchurchsongstomyself.AlthoughIneverwasagoodsinger.Nevercouldcarryatune.Iwasalwaysbetterataman'sjob.1usedtolovetomilktillIwashookedinthesidein'49.Cowsaresoothingandslowanddon'tbotheryou,unlessyoutrytomilkthemthewrongway.Ihavedeliberatelyturnedmybackonthehouse.Itisthreerooms,justliketheonethatburned,excepttheroofistin:theydon'tmakeshingleroofsanymore.Therearenorealwindows,justsomeholescu