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Themanwantstokilltheking旁白：Long,longago,itwasWarringStatesPeriod,thewaramongdifferentcountriesseemedendless.Everykingorministertriedtofindsomesupermentoworkforthem——tobethekillingtoolsfortheirpoliticalpurposes.Astimewentby,itwasbecomingafashiontofeedsomegoodmenathome……Thisisacrazyworld.Inthecrazyworld,therearethecrazypeople,tryingtoshowthecrazyhistorybythecrazyway.第一幕：Conspire(密谋)太子丹:(上，叹气）YingZheng,thatbadguy,treatsmeevenworsethanbefore.Resortstolotsofpersonsinhishand,henevercaresaboutme---themostsensibleprinceunderthesun.Recently,hehasgotmuchmorecitiesfrommyhands.HowcanIliveifthesethingshappenagain(急)。Hey!!Imustthinkoutagoodidea.ImustmakehimknowwhoIam.(向幕里大叫)Whereismyminister?(大臣阿三上)Indeed,tellmewhatshallwedonow?阿三:（毕恭毕敬）Justkeepcalm,please!Letmesee!（盘坐在地,两手在头上画画如一休）（旁外音：当当当，砰！！）（阿三起）Ok,Igetone,wecansentaherotoputYingZhengto~~~（作杀状）Then,allthebeauties,jewelriesandcitiesinQingisours~~~（淫笑）太子与阿三作流口水状.太子：Ha,ha~~~.Goodidea,Goodidea!Butdoyouthinkwhowecansent?阿三：Ihavethoughtaboutit,wecansendXiMenChuiXue.Heistravelinginourcountrythesedays.Ithinkwecan’tlosethechance.Wemustemployhimquickly.太子：Well,dealwiththethingsassoonaspossible.第二幕：tournament(比武)西门吹雪（上台，摆出一幅酷式，手一张，一条纸带随风而下）西门吹雪（XiMenChuiXue）Height:190cmFavoritedoing:chattingWarpower:endlessFavoritecolor:blackWeaponry:longswordFavoritedrinks:beerTypeofblood:OFavoriteidol:XiaoYanzi,MaoZedongTodayIcamehereforthefighting,whoistheunwanted-lifeguy.Standout.荆轲（抖嗦而上）站在一边，不敢出大气。旁白：Competitionbegins.荆轲:（带剑冲向西门吹雪，半途停住）AreyoureallyXiMenChuiXue?西门吹雪：Justcomeon.荆轲：（又冲，停在西门吹雪面前）AreyousureyouarereallytheXiMenChuiXueinthestory?西门吹雪：（不耐烦）whataboringman!Howdareyouaskmesuchastupidquestion?荆轲:（环视四周见无一人，便跪在西门吹雪面前，大哭）Myhero,Iadmireyoujustliketheyellowriver,neverendless.Ihaveeighty-year-oldmotherup,three-year-oldboydown.Pleasedon’tkillme.Givemethelife,please!西门吹雪:（大怒）IthoughtJingkeisahero.Butyoubegforlife.HowcanIforgiveyou?Givemeyourlife.(举剑刺向荆轲，忽然，捂住自己的肚子，自语)MaybeIatetoomuchthismorning,Maybethereissomethingwrongwiththerice.(抬头)whereisthetoilet?荆轲：T-o-i-l-e-t-?西门吹雪：WC.荆轲：W-C-?西门吹雪：（急）茅厕！！Areyouhappytohearsuchrudewords?荆轲：Iknow,Iknow.Turnleft,leftandleft.西门吹雪下。太子丹与阿三上，看见荆轲，大吃一惊，太子丹给阿三一个眼色，阿三会意。走至荆轲前。阿三:What’syourname,please?Hero.荆轲不屑一顾。太子丹:（毕恭毕敬）MayIhaveyourname,please?荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：Evendieundertheflower,alsohappyasaghost.Happyprinceofthegost!太子丹（抱拳）：Howdoyoudo?荆柯：Howdoyoudo?荆柯突欲走，太子丹给阿三一个眼色。阿三：Hero,waitforamoment.Ihaveaproblemwhichneedsyourhelp。太子丹：Youcangainalotofthings.荆柯欲走又止。太子丹(从衣兜里掏出一张卡片):Hereisacardfortravelingallovertheworldforfree,pleaseacceptitplease,hero.荆柯正准备拿，但马上又止，转身又欲走太子丹（慌了）：Imustusethelastway.Ladiesandgentlemen，thisisMissHuang!旁白：“大世界”响起有一妖艳女子走上（男扮女装），走到荆柯面前，给荆柯抛了一个眉眼。荆柯两眼发直。太子丹与阿三（击掌）Yeah!荆柯（站直，厉声道）：Greatman,bothbornanddieforhismotherland.Iamnottheguywhojustwantsmoneyandbeauty.WhatshallIdo?Prince,justsayitout.Butthislady……太子丹：Noproblem.第三幕：SaygoodbyeinYishuiRiver(易水别)荆珂在前，太子丹在后，阿三拿着地图和一盒珠宝上。阿三：WehavealreadyreachedYishuiRiver.荆珂：Pleasejuststophere.Goodbye.太子丹：Hero,Letmeseeyouoffalittlefurther荆珂：Whataboringguy.Ifyouwalkalittlefurther,thenyouwillgotoQininsteadofme.太子丹：Well.Goodbye.Hero.Hereisthemapandjewellery,soastogettrustoftheking.第四幕：murdering(刺秦).一大臣跑在前，一大臣紧随其后，跑了一圈，便上气不接下气。大臣甲（掏出手机一看）：Hey,badluck.Iamlate.Thebonusofthismonthhasbeenlost.大臣乙：Iamtired.IhadbeenchattingonQQuntil1o’clocklastnight.大臣乙（看了一下大臣甲）：Good.Good.Yourskinisfine.大臣甲：Iuse“DaBao”everyday.大臣乙：IhavehearttheemperorofYanagaingiveourkingsomegoodthings.Bequick,tohavealook.大臣甲：Comeon秦王上座，两个大臣各坐一边。卫兵丙：Canwebegin？秦王:begin!卫兵丙：LetthepeopleofYan,Jingkecomein!荆柯上。作揖，吓得直发抖。秦王：Jingke.What’swrongwithyou？荆柯：Nothing.Nothing.Maybetherearelotsoffleasonmybody.秦王（不烦）：What’sthegoodthings，quickly！荆柯献图，图穷匕首见，荆柯举刀刺秦，（旁白：GoGoGoOnlyOnly响起）秦王摔倒，转身逃跑，其他人抱头趴在地上。两个人围着大臣兜圈，过了一会儿……大臣甲喊道：“MrKing,drinkthemilkquickly!”扔了一奶壶，秦王接住，咂了一下，顿时，力大无比，立刻将荆柯打倒在地。秦王:Superrubbish,howdareyoukillme?荆柯:I'msorryI'mwrongButtheprinceofYantoldmeto。Pleaseforgiveme!秦王：Youwillneverliveagain.Whatwouldyouliketosay?荆柯：Mylovelylady，Oncetherewasatruestloveputbeforemyeyes,butIdidn'tcherishit.Onlyafterlosingit.Ifoundmyselfregretting.Nopainsintheworldcomesnearthis,ifGodCouldgivemeanotherchance,Iwouldsaytothegirl“Iloveyou!“Iftherehadtobealimitoftimebeforetheendoflove.Ihopeitwouldbetenthousandyears.秦王（吼道）：Soldierscarryoutandputthepigheadonthewall!!第五幕：Escape（逃跑）二个卫兵拖着荆柯上，（手脚以被绑）将荆柯扔到一边。二人气喘吁吁，甲搜身。卫兵甲：Badluck.Hehasnomoney.卫兵乙：Money?Youarejoking!Ihavesearchedallhisbody,justtwosocks.卫兵甲:What?Twosocks?卫兵乙:Nothing.Nothing.(回头)Toodangerous.卫兵甲:Putthesocksout！卫兵乙极不情愿，拿出了一双大小不一的袜子卫兵甲看了看，比了比。将长的装进了自己兜里，短的扔给了卫兵乙。卫兵乙：Toobrazen.(两人互看)卫兵甲：Oh,no.It’sfair.荆柯（抬起头）：Iwillgiveyoumuchmoremoneyifyousetmefree.二卫兵：Really?Whereisthemoney?荆柯指了指脚上的绳子。二卫兵会意，解开了绳子。荆柯：Mybrothers,Ihaveagoodidea.Ifyoudoit,youwillgetlotsofmoney.二卫兵：Oh,pleasetellittous!荆柯:Youcantieanotherpersoninsteadofmetoputtodeath.Onlythekingrecognizesmebuthewon’twatchmydeath.Sonoonewillfindoutthesecret.二卫兵：Goodidea!(竖指)荆柯去一边的树林里，拿出两袋钱，扔给二卫兵便大步而去。二卫兵正指着钱，忽卫兵丙上。二卫兵（双目相视，大笑，同声）：Good!两人一把抓住卫兵丙。卫兵丙：WhathaveIdone?Ihaven’tdoneanythingwr