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LOGOScientificPaperWritingPartIAnalysisofGrammaticalandStylisticErrors(逗号叠加)False：•（1）Technologyneverexistsinvacuum,itisembodiedinproducts,processes,andpeople.•（2）Stevenson’sromancesareentertaining,theyarefullofexcitingadventures.•(1)…vacuum;itis…•(2)…entertaining,fortheyare…Tips:•Commacannotbeusedbetweentwocompletesentences.•Ifthecontentsofthetwosentencesareconnected,wemayusesemicolon“;”•Orweuselinkingwords.(文体紊乱)Sample1:Firstdraft:•WehaveestablishedacommunicationsSystems(CS)PlanningTeam(1).Thisteamincludesuserrepresentativesfromeachofthe12departmentsintheForever-SealDivision（2）.Weholdregularmeetingstoassessstate-of-the-art-communicationsequipment(3).•Wediscusshownewproductsarebeingusedbyothercompanies(4).Atthesemeetings,Theuserrepresentativesdescribetheirotherfutureneeds(5).Theyalsoworkouttheirrequirementsforthenewcommunicationnetwork（6）.•Correctone:WehaveestablishedacommunicationsSystems(CS)PlanningTeamwhichincludes…division.Weholdregularmeetingstoassessstate-of-the-artcommunicationsequipmentandtodiscusshownewproducts….Atthesemeetings,theuserrepresentativesdescribetheirotherfutureneedsandworkouttheirrequirementsforthenewcommunicationnetwork.•ElectriccarsmustbeabletomeetthesamesafetystandardsthatgasolinecarsmustmeetassetupbytheDepartmentofTransportation.Thesestandardsarederivedfromanestablishedcrashtest.Inthecrashtest,thecarispropelledagainstasolidwallat30mph.Thedataobtainedfromthecrashtest(挡风玻璃残留),andzoneintrusion.Sample2:•Theproposedsystemisrequiredtoalleviate(减轻)theincreaseindemandbyusingthemicrocomputerasastand-aloneentrysystemwithallthenecessarygraphicsandsoftwarecapabilitiestoremovetheburdenof•DataentryfromthepresentsystemCADDS.Analysis:•Thisisalonginexplicablesentence.•Topicsentence:要求拟建的系统能缓和不得不增加的信息量。•Development：1.方法：去除现有系统CADDS的数据入口负担而达到要求。2.设备：把微机作为独立入口系统来•完成。这种微机具有为完成这概念所要求的所有图表以及软件能力。修改方法：•Usebothlongandshortsentences•Toexplainthetopicbythewayofgeneral-to-specific•Usecohesivedevicestolinktworelatedsentences•Theproposedsystemisrequiredtoalleviatetheincreaseindemand.ThesystemwilldothatbyremovingtheburdenofdataentryfromthepresentsystemCADDS.Thisisaccomplishedbyusingthemicrocomputerasastand-aloneentrysystem.Themicrocomputerhasallthegraphicsandsoftwarecapabilitiesrequiredtoimplementthisconcept.•1.Maketheaction-executorclearlyknowne.g.Nowthatthemethodhasbeenmodified,itisusedtoanalyzethechemicalheatpumpdryer.(作者修改了这个方案，将它用在化学热泵干燥器中。)•（Correct）Nowthatwehavemodifiedthemethod,wecanuseitto…•2.Thecontentsofsentenceinpassiveshouldbeconsistentwiththefact.•e.g.（1）Inindustrymetalsareoftenusedintheformofalloys.（√）（2）Fromthesedataitisseenthatremotebatchprocessingcanprovidebatchprocessingatremotelocations.(远程成批程序能够把成批处理发送到较远的位置。)（×）(2):•“Itisbelieved”,“itisseen”andalikeusuallymeansfactsacceptedbymostofthepeople.•Noteveryonesawthedatamentionedinsentence(2)•Correct:Fromthesedataitcanbeseenthatremotebatchprocessingcanprovidebatchprocessingatremotelocations.•3.AvoidExcessiveuseofthepassivevoice.Excessiveuseofpassiveverbscreatesscientificwritingthatiscumbersome(麻烦的,苯重的)andindigestibletoread.Nomorethan¼passivesentencesinapaper.Withgoodmixturewithactivevoicemayretainsthenecessaryclarityofmeaningandproprietyoftoneforscientificpapers.(指代含混)•Whenyouusepron.ormodifier,tobesurethatthesewordscanreplacethepreviousnouns.e.g.(Firstdraft）•Groundloopsassociatedwithcoaxial[kəu′æksəl]cables(同轴电缆)aretotallyeliminatedwithfiberopticcables.Becausetheyaredielectric(绝缘体的),theydonotattractlightning.Nordotheyactasantennas.•“they”usedabovemayreferto“fiberopticcables”,orto“groundloops”(Correct)Groundloopsassociatedwithcoaxialcablesaretotallyeliminatedwithfiberopticcables.Becausetheyaredielectric,fiberopticcablesdonotattractlightning.Nordotheyactasantennas.(和同轴电缆相连接的接地线圈完全被光纤电缆所代替。因为光纤电缆是电介质，它不会被闪电电击，也不起天线的作用。)•misuse“afterall”.e.g.Afterall(毕竟),wecometotheconclusionthat…•use“but”and“although”inthesamesentence.•Toadd“it”improperlye.g.AsitwasmentionedaboveAsitisshowninfigure12•Confusetheuseof“comparingto/with”“comparedto”or“incomparisonwith”.e.g.Comparingtotheresults…和…相仿Comparingtheselatestresultsto/withourearlierones…（√）•Misuse“Conclusively”(有决定性的)as“inconclusion”•Misuse“particularly”(adv.)分别,详细地as“inparticularly=especially”特别,尤其(平行结构不平行)•Usesamegrammaticalstructureforparallelism.(firstdraft)Theprincipalprocessesare:1.Coagulatingandflocculation.凝固和絮结2.Removingthesolids3.Nitrogen-removal(氨气)4.Disinfection.(灭菌,消毒)(Correct)Theprincipalprocessesare:1.Coagulationandflocculation.2.Removalofsolids3.removalofNitrogen(氨气)4.Disinfectio