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MynameisMaryAliceYoung,我叫MaryAliceYoung当你浏览今天的晨报,可能会读到一篇文章Inthismorning'spaper,youmaycomeacrossanarticle关于上个星期我所渡过的不平常的一天abouttheunusualdayIhadlastweek,通常,我的生活里是没有什么有新闻报道价值的,Normally,there'sneveranythingnewsworthyaboutmylife,但是上个星期四一切都改变了,butthatallchangedlastThursday,当然,起初一切看起来都很平常,Ofcourse,everythingseemedquitenormalatfirst,我给一家人做好早餐,Imadebreakfastformyfamily,做家务,Iperformedmychores,完成我的手工作品,Icompletedmyprojects,完成我的使命,Iranmyerrands,事实上,和平时没什么不同Intruth,IspentthedayasIspenteveryotherday,一切都和往常一样,直到一件不寻常的事情的发生,quietlypolishingtheroutineofmylifeuntilitgleamedwithperfection,这就是为什么一切令人震惊,当我决定走向走廊的壁橱,That'swhyitwassoastonishingwhenIdecidedtogotomyhallwaycloset拿起一把从没用过的左轮手枪andretrievearevolverthathadneverbeenused,我的尸体是被我的邻居MarthaHuber发现的,Mybodywasdiscoveredbymyneighbor,Mrs,MarthaHuber,她被一声奇怪的声音吓了一跳,who'dbeenstartledbyastrangepoppingsound,她觉得很好奇,Hercuriosityaroused,Huber太太想了一个来不请自来的理由,Mrs,Hubertriedtothinkofareasonfordroppinginonmeunannounced,在犹豫了一会之后,Aftersomeinitialhesitation,她决定来归还她个月前从我这里借去搅拌器,shedecidedtoreturntheblendershehadborrowedfrommesixmonthsbefore,[screams]我的邻居,我觉得她被枪击了.到处都是血It'smyneighbor.Ithinkshe'sbeenshot.There'sbIoodeverywhere.是的,你们赶紧派救护车Yes,you'vegottosendanambuIance.快派救护车来You'vegottosendonerightnow.过了一会之后,Huber太太呆呆地站在厨房里，And,foramoment,Mrs,Huberstoodmotionlessinherkitchen,因为这件事情而感动极度悲伤,grief-strickenbythissenselesstragedy,但是只有那么一会,Butonlyforamoment,如果说Huber最大的特点,IftherewasonethingMrs,Huberwasknownfor,就是她总能把事情往好的方面想,itwasherabilitytolookonthebrightside,DesperateHousewives-欲乱绝情妻第一季第一集星期一人们把我安葬了,IwaslaidtorestonaMonday,葬礼之后,所有住在wisterialaneAfterthefuneral,alltheresidentsofWisteriaLane的人都来表示他们对我的怀念和尊敬,cametopaytheirrespects,就像人们在这种情况下通常会做的,他们送来点吃的And,aspeopledointhesesituations,theybroughtfood,LynetteScavo带了炸鸡LynetteScavobroughtfriedchicken,Lynette有一个大家庭,大家都喜欢炸鸡Lynettehadagreatfamilyrecipeforfriedchicken,当她还是个职业女性的时候,她很少做饭,Shedidn'tcookmuchwhilemovingupthecorporateladder,她没有时间,Shedidn'thavethetime,但是当她的医生告诉她怀孕了的时候,他的丈夫Tom想了个办法Butwhenherdoctorannouncedshewaspregnant,herhusbandTomhadanidea,为什么不辞职呢?''Whynotquityourjob?''妈妈待在家里带出来的孩子会比较好,而且这样压力也比较小.''Kidsdobetterwithstay-at-homemoms,Itwouldbesomuchlessstressful,''但是事实并非如此,Butthiswasnotthecase,事实上,Lynette的生活变得如此兴奋Infact,Lynette'slifehadbecomesohectic她不得不去快餐店买一只炸鸡,shewasnowforcedtogetherchickenfromthefast-foodrestaurant,Lynette如果仔细想想,可能会明白这是反话,Lynettewould'veappreciatedtheironyifshe'dthoughtaboutit,但是她不能,她没有时间,Butshedidn'thavethetime,-住手,住手,住手.-但是,妈妈!-Stopit,stopit,stopit.-But,Mom.不,你们今天乖一点No.Youaregoingtobehavetoday.我不想在大家面前丢脸IamnotgoingtobehumiIiatedinfrontoftheentireneighborhood.我是认真的...And,justsoyouknowhowseriousIam...-这是什么?-Santa的电话号码-What'sthat?-Santa'sceII-phonenumber.你怎么知道的?Howdidyougetthat?我认识个朋友,她的朋友里有人认识一个小恶魔IknowsomeonewhoknowssomeonewhoknowsaneIf.所以,今天如果你们谁捣蛋,我马上打电话给SantaAndifanyofyouactsup,soheIpme,IwiIIcaIISanta我会告诉他,你们圣诞节只要短袜就可以了andIwiIIteIIhimyouwantsocksforChristmas.想试试么?AreyouwiIIingtoriskthat?好,那么我们把这个收起来OK.Let'sgetthisoverwith.GabrielleSolis,住在街区的后面,带了辣肉菜饭GabrielleSoliswholivesdowntheblockbroughtaspicypaella,自从她开始在纽约当模特以来,她对食物的品味SincehermodelingdaysinNewYork,Gabriellehaddevelopedataste渐渐提高...forrichfood,,,,,,还有那些有钱的男人,,,,andrichmen,Carlos,他是搞兼并和收购的Carlos,whoworkedinmergersandacquisitions,在他们第三次约会的时候跟她求婚,proposedontheirthirddate,当Gabrielle看见他眼眶中的泪水时,被感动了Gabriellewastouchedwhentearswelledupinhiseyes,但是她很快发现,每当Carlos成功靠近一些大人物时都会这样ButshesoondiscoveredthishappenedeverytimeCarlosclosedabigdeal,Gabrielle喜欢她那些新鲜的肉菜饭Gabriellelikedherpaellapipinghot,但是她和她丈夫的关系很冷淡However,herrelationshipwithherhusbandwasconsiderablycooler,如果今天早上你跟AlMason交谈IfyoutaIktoAIMasonatthisthing,我希望你能装着很随意的提起我花了多少钱给你买这条项链mentionhowmuchIpaidforyourneckIace.他上次告诉我他为他妻子的新造型花了多少Whynotpinthereceipttomychest?我干脆在胸前贴一个价目条好了?HeIetmeknowwhathepaidforhiswife'sconvertibIe.-只要在聊天的时候插入就可以了-我怎么插得进去嘛,Carlos-Justworkitin.-There'snowayIcan.为什么?Donoghue聚会上,每个人都在谈论那些什么共有基金Whynot?AttheDonahuepartyeveryonewastaIkingmutuaIfunds.你却说什么你和那些农场里一半以上的美国佬睡过.YoumentionedyousIeptwithhaIftheYankeeoutfieId.我告诉过你了,当时他们在说这些Itcameupinthecontextoftheconversation.喂,大家都在看,轻点,好么?PeopIearestaring.Keepyourvoicedown.当然,我可不希望他们认为我们不和AbsoIuteIy.WewouIdn'twantthemtothinkwe'renothappy.BreevandeKamp,住在隔壁BreeVanDeKamp,wholivesnextdoor,带了两篮她烤的松饼broughtbasketsofmuffinsshebakedfromscratch,Bree擅长做饭,会自己做衣服,Breewasknownforhercooking,Andformakingherownclothes,会园艺,Andfordoingherowngardening,甚至会给她的沙发装椅面Andforre-upholsteringherownfurniture,是的,Bree的很多才能大家都知道Yes,Bree'smanytalentswereknownthroughouttheneighborhood,所有住在Wisterialane的人都认为Bree是个完美的妻子和母亲EveryoneonWisteriaLanethoughtofBreeastheperfectwifeandmother,每个人,事实上,除了她的家人Everyone,thatis,exceptherownfamily,PauI.Zachary.PauI.Zachary.-你好,VanDeKamp太太-不好意思这么麻烦你-HeIIo,Mrs.VanDeKamp.-YoushouIdn'thave.一点也不麻烦,个扎这红带子的篮子里装了一些甜点,餐后你可以拿给客人们享用,ItwasnotroubIe.Thebasketwiththeredribbonisforyourguests.这个扎蓝色带子的篮子里装的东西是给你和ZacharyTheonewiththebIueribbonisjustforyouandZachary.有松饼,各种各样的可以装在篮子里的吃的It'sgotroIIs,muffins,breakfasttypethings.谢谢Thankyou.嗯,至少这是我能做的这样孩子们明天早上至少能吃顿好的TheIeastIcouIddowasgiveyouadecen