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哈佛大学幸福课第十六课中英文讲义今天有人有消息宣布吗没有Dr.TalBen-Shahar:Anyannouncementtoday?Anyone?No.好的早上好OK.Goodmorning.我们今天要把完美主义讲完Whatwearegoingtodotodayisfinishuponperfectionism然后开始讲精神肉体andthenmoveontothemindbody.这个学期对我来说挺不错的Thissemesterformehasbeengoinggreat.没有什么东西Thereareveryfewthingsthat让我后悔做过Iregretaboutnothavingdonethissemester,不过下次我还想挑战点别的butthereisonethingthatIwillchangenexttime教这门课时我现在知道了whenIteachtheclass,thatIalreadyknowofnow,应该更早讲精神肉体的ishavethelectureonthemindbodyearlier.因为这个话题十分重要Becauseitissuchanimportanttopic.它是如此根本而且基础因此当我意识到Itissofoundational,sobasicthatwhenIrealizedthat-在这个学期很早的时候就意识到andthatwasearlieronthissemesterthat我应该早点讲Ishouldhavehaditearlier,我那时就开始停止介绍身体锻炼Istartedalreadytoplugforphysicalexercise,开始讲念的概念totalkaboutmindfulness,从较低一点的层次来介绍它tointroduceitalittlebitonalowerlevelofthespiral.今天在一两个月之后Sotoday,youknow,amonthortwo-toolateperhaps,我们要再讲讲精神和肉体的联系wearegoingtointroducethemindbodyconnection,身体的健康physicalhealth.首先我们先把完美主义讲完Butfirst,letmeintroduce-letmefinishuponperfectionism.上节课我们讲到了两个模型Sorememberlasttimewetalkedaboutthetwomodels-完美主义的基模theschemaoftheperfectionist,一条从A到B的直线astraightlinefrompointAtopointB以及追求卓越的基模versustheschemaofthepersoncommittedtoexcellence更像是蜿蜒曲折的螺旋上升whichismuchmoremeanderingspiralkind-ofjourney.And有些人昨天在办公时间来问我acoupleofpeopleyesterdayinofficehoursaskedthequestion,区别到底在哪里sowhatisreallythedifference?我们可以用无意义追逐目标的人来类比Soyougaveusthemodelofratracer-还记得那个72岁的人吗youknowthatperson-remember-whoattheageof72,他达到了很高的地位getstobeing,quiteliterallyontopoftheworld,管理着世界的中心overlookingcentralpark在承受了一生的压力andthenbeinginformedafteralifeofconstantstress,不停地追逐到达B点constantlylivingthefutureinpointB,而不是享受当下享受旅途之后被告知notenjoyingthepresent,thejourney,退休的时候到了isbeingtolditistimetoretire.我问你们一个简单的问题AndIaskedyouasimplequestion,你想要怎样的生活whatkindoflifedoyouwantforyourself?那么另一种模型是怎样的呢积极的模型是怎样的Sowhatisthealternativemodel?Whatisthepositivemodel?积极的模型从外表上看来似乎一模一样Nowthepositivemodelfromtheoutsidemaylookexactlythesame可能也是一个充满雄心壮志的人Itmaybeapersonwhoisextremelyambitious,极度勤奋刻苦的人apersonwhoisextremelyhardworking,可能是个投资银行家或者是个医生apersonwhoisaninvestmentbankeroradoctor,或者律师老师或者在流浪者之家工作oralawyer,orateacher,orworkingatahomelessshelter.从外表上看可能完全一样Itmaylooktheexactlysamefromtheoutside.但其内在则是迥然相异Fromtheinside,itisradicallydifferent.怎么个迥然相异法呢Howisitradicallydifferent?区别在于这个追求卓越的人Inthatthepersonwhoisontheexcellenceside,也许同样充满雄心壮志有同样的目标maybeasambitious,mayhavethesamegoals,也可能达到了同样的目标mayreachthesamegoals.然而这个人同时享受这个旅程However,thatpersonalsoenjoysthejourney.这就是区别所在Thatisthedifference.是的他或她会进入名校Soyes,heorshegetsintoatopschool,进入他们非常想进的学校aschoolthattheyreallywantedtogetinto.在学校里他们非常勤奋刻苦Andatschooltheyworkextremelyhard.但同时他们也知道他们几乎可以However,theyalsolearnitthattheyareableto,mostly-不是完全但几乎可以there'sno100percenthere-butmostly,享受他们在学校的所有时光同样的起伏坎坷enjoytheirtimeinschool,withthesameupsanddowns,同样的兴衰变迁但他们享受这个过程thevicissitudes-natural-butenjoyschool然后获得他们想要的工作andthengetintothejobtheyreallywanted或者他们想要的工作之一然后继续努力工作oroneofthejobtheywanted,andworkextremelyhardthere,充满雄心壮志每周工作80个小时andbeambitious,andworkthe80hourweeks.然而这个人同样享受整个过程However,thatpersonalsooverallenjoysthejourney.然后他们享受下一个旅途和别人合作Andthentheyenjoythenextstepandbeingassociate,成为别人的搭档当上营销总监之类的beingapartner,andbeingtheMDorwhateveritis.唯一的区别就在于他们享受这个过程Theonlydifferenceisthattheyenjoythejourney.我还可以举出一些实例NowIhaveafewrolemodelsthatIknow.其中之一就是我的前室友他是个投资银行家Oneofthemismyex-roommate,whoisaninvestmentbanker.我们一起上大学也是96届的Wewereincollegetogether,alsoclassof96.毕业之后由于其经济学的专业Aftergraduating,beinganeconomistmajor,给一个著名的对冲基金工作workedforoneofthepremierhedgefunds.之后他就回到哈佛获得法律博士和工商管理硕士的双学位Afterthat,camebacktoHarvard,gothisJDMBA.学业非常优秀DidextremelywellhereasaJDMBA.之后就获得了所有他想要的机会Hadalltheoffersthathewantedafter.他又选择了另一家对冲基金Choseanotherhedgefund.之后他又自立门户和一些朋友一起开了一家公司Andwentoffonhisownandstartedafirmwithafewfriends.当我和他谈起投资银行时NowwhenItalkedtohimaboutinvestmentbanking我对此了解很少whichIknowverylittleabout,我对投资银行表现得很兴奋Igetveryexcitedaboutinvestmentbanking.因为他的兴奋能感染我Becausehisexcitementiscontagious.他每天都期待着工作Helooksforwardtoworkeveryday.他工作的时间也很长Andheworkslonghours.他就是一个追求卓越的例子Soheisamodelofapersoncommittedtoexcellence.虽然从表面上看Eventhoughfromtheoutside,就和我之前描述的形象itmaylooktheexactsameasthecaricature一模一样thatIdepictedearlier.因此不是要我们失去雄心壮志Soit'snotaboutlosingourambition.也不是变得没有竞争力It'snotaboutnotbeingcompetitive.如果那能让你快乐的话Ifthatiswhatmakesyouhappy.这只是让你们学会享受过程Itissimplylearningtoalsoenjoytheprocess,00:05:29,800--00:05:32,430朝着你认为有意义的目的地thesteponthewaytoadestination所迈出的步子才是最重要的thatyoudeemvaluablethatisimportanttoyou.而问题在于我们如何克服完美主义Nowthequestionis,howdoweovercomethisperfectionism,这个解不开的结呢thisconstantknotinourstomach?我们如何克服活在未来中的感觉Howdoweovercomethislivinginthefuture,因为害怕失败而害怕当下的感觉beingafraidofthepresentbecausewhatifIfail?我讲了一些方法AndIstartedtodescribeafewmethods:首先是认识它thefirstoneisbeingawareofit-认识到我想改变什么beingawareofwhatIwanttochange我想保持什么andwhatIwanttomaintain.还记得EllenLanger的研究吗RememberEllenLanger'sstudy-关于更确切地了解aboutgettingamorenuanceunderstanding我到底想改变什么ofwhatitisthatIwanttochange.因为长久以来Becauseforverylongtime,我都是个完美主义者Icouldn't,couldn'tbecome