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1IheardMadonnawentintolaborthere.Togointolaboristogivebirthtoababy.I’mnotpositiveifit’sgoingtohappentonight.::Hello,hejusthadlunchwithhisgrandmother!Whenhelloissaidwithgreatemotionorenergy,itisawayofexpressingtheopinionthatthelistenerisbeingnaïveorstupid.It’snotlikeshefedex’dasixcaratdiamond.TofedexapackageistosenditthroughtheprivateFedExmailservice.Ifadiamondissixcarats,itisveryvaluable.Ican’tbelieveyou’regettingengaged.Tobeengagedistobeofficiallyplanningtogetmarried.Idon’tunderstandwhyyou’recompletelydisregardingyoursignaturecolor.Todisregardsomethingistoignoreitornotpayattentiontoit.Aperson’ssignaturecoloristhecolorthatpeopleassociatewiththem.He’sproposing—Ican’tlooklikeIwentonanyotherdate.Ifamanproposestoawoman,heisaskinghertomarryhim.Thisisthedate.Notethatiftheispronouncedthee,itmeansthemostimportant(Thoughhere,Elleactuallymisspeaksandjustsaysthewiththeusualpronunciation).Bridal.ButnotlikeI’mexpectinganything.Theadjectiveforabride,whoisawomanabouttogetmarried.There’snothingIlovemorethanadumbblondewithdaddy’splastic.Inthiscase,areferencetoacreditcard,whichismadeofplastic.Isthislow-viscosityrayon?Viscosityreferstohowstickysomethingis,andrayonisatypeofman-madematerialforclothing.Withhalfloopandtopstitchingonthehem?Asentencethatonlythosewhosewwouldlove!Aloopisaholemadebyacircularpieceofcloth.Stitchingisatypeofsewing,andahemistheborderofapieceofcloth.It’soneofakind.Ifsomethingisoneofakind,itistrulyunique,withnootherslikeit.2Itwouldsnagthefabric.Tosnagapieceofclothistocatch,traporaccidentallyattachtoit.Fabricisanotherwordforcloth.IsawitintheJuneVogueayearago,soifyou’retryingtosellitatfullprice,you’vepickedthewronggirl.Vogueisafamousfashionmagazine.ThisisElle’swayofsayingsheknowsalotaboutfashion,clothesandfabrics.Thisisit.Inafewhours,I’llbethefutureMrs.WarnerHuntingtonthe3rd.Notethatwhenwomengetmarried,theysometimesstillrefertothemselveswiththeirhusband’sfullname(thoughthisseemsabitdated).Here’stous.Here’stoisacommonwayofbeginningatoast,inwhichglassesareraisedataformalmealinordertohonorsomebodyorsomething.Iamfullyamenabletothatdiscussion.Ifapersonisamenabletodoingsomething,theyarehappytodoit.Iplanonrunningforofficesomeday.Thismeanstorunforapoliticaloffice,suchasmayororPresident.IfI’mgoingtobeaSenatorbythetimeI’m30,Ineedtostopdickingaround.ASenatorisarepresentativeintheupperhouseoftheCongressTodickaroundisasomewhatcrudebutfunphrasalverbmeaningtowastetime,ortonottakethingsseriouslyenough.Elle,poohbear,Ithinkweshouldbreakup.Poohbearisaridiculoustermofendearment,likedearorsweetheart(WinniethePoohisafamouscharacterfromchildren’sliteraturethatisagentlebear).Ifacouplebreakup,theydecidetonolongerseeeachothe,atleastinaromanticway.Proposing?Elle,ifI’mgoingtobeaSenator,thenIneedaJackie,notaMarilyn.Ifamanproposestohisgirlfriend,heaskshertomarryhim.JackiereferstoJackieKennedy,andMarilyntoMarilynMonroe(Warnerissayingheneedsaprettybutseriouswifeforhiscareer).Elle,yourboobsarefine.Awidelyusedslangtermforbreasts.MyfamilyhasfivegenerationsofSenators,3andmybrother’sinthetopthreeatYalelaw.YaleUniversityhasoneofthebestlawschoolsintheUnitedStates.ThisisallWarner’swayofsayinghisfamilyhasatraditionofsucceedinginschoolandpolitics.HejustgotengagedtoaVanderbilt,forChrist’ssake.Togetengagedtoapersonistoofficiallydeclarethatyouplantomarrythem.TheVanderbiltsareaveryrichAmericanfamilywhomadetheirmoneyinthe1800s.ForChrist’ssakeisawayofexpressingemotionsuchasangerorfrustration.Comeon,letmetakeyouhome.OneofthemostwidelyusedphrasalverbsinEnglish,andalmostalwaysusedinthecommandform(Here,usedbyWarnertotellElletostopcrying,orperhapstocooperate).BecauseI’mnotaVanderbilt,suddenlyI’mwhitetrash?IgrewupinBelAir!Whitetrashisacrudetermforpooranduneducatedwhites,oftenwholiveinsmalltownsintheSouthernStatesoftheU.S.BelAirisaveryrichsuburbofLosAngeles.IgrewupacrossthestreetfromAaronSpelling!Ithinkmostpeoplewouldagreethat’salotbetterthansomestinkyoldVanderbilt!AaronSpellingisawellknownHollywoodproducer.ThisisElle’ssillywayofsayingnew,celebritymoneyisbetterthanoldindustrialwealthfromthe19thcentury(Ifsomethingstinks,ofcourse,itsmellsbad).You’regonnaruinyourshoes.Notethatgoingto---gonnainrapidspeech.Toruinsomethingistototallydestroyit.I’vehadtroublewiththeirwholeliplinerthing.Atypeofcosmeticthatissimilartolipstick.It’sterrible.Hedumpedher.Ifamandumpshisgirlfriend,hedecidestobreakupwithher(Todumpsomethingistoliterallythrowitaway).Manicuresandpedicures.Thewordsforputtingcoloredpaintsonyourfingernailsandtoenails.Shestuffedtheminhermouthallatonce.Tostuffsomethinginyourmouthistoforceitin,eveniftherereallyisn’tenoughroom.4Weallthoughtshe’dbethefirsttowalkdowntheaisleandnowshe’stotallyadrift.Towalkdowntheaisleistogetmarriedinachurch(Theaisleisthepathwayinthemiddlebetweenthesetsofchairsorbenches).Ifapersonisadrift,theyaremovingaimlesslyorwithoutdirection,likeapieceofwoodontheocean.Shehasn’tconditionedherhairinlikeaweek.Toconditionyourhairistowashitwithhairconditioner,whichmakesitsofterafterit’sbeenshampooed.Notetheuseofthemeaninglessfillerwordlike,whichsomegroupsofpeo
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