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伟同，好久没给你写信了最近肩膀疼得实在厉害懒得提笔我这是学钱妈妈用录音带把话传给美国的儿子这样你不但可以听到妈妈的声音还可以省好多电话费，是吧!人家都说这个“五十肩”是进入老年期的开始疼个两年就会过去，但愿如此了爸自从部队退休以后变得好奇怪他过去当师长，手下指挥一万多人现在每天在家里只能管我跟老张两个人变得好敏感，真是越来越难侍候大概是蠢妻跟笨厨比部队还难带吧!谁晓得，想来是我老了，你爸更老了说正经的，你也老大不小了怎么还没有成家的打算？老爸由大陆一个人到台湾就你这么一个宝贝儿子你也别太性格了，是吧!我们最近为你报名,加入目前台北一家最高级的择偶俱乐部,他们马上会寄给你一份电脑表格,询问你选择理想对象的条件,这个来电俱乐部里的女孩子.不论是学历、气质,还是身家教养、相貌保证都是一流的好像过去你看不上的钱妈妈的女儿啦好啦!儿子，你也别太挑剔了吧.诚如中国的六祖所说：青山本不老，为雪白头绿水本无忧，因风皱面butbecauseofmyshoulder...Ifinditdifficulttoliftapen.SoIrecordedthiscassetteforyou...mysoninAmerica.Itwillsaveyoulotsonphonebills,too.Myshoulderhasbeenhurting,sincemenopausebegan.Theysayaftertwomoreyears,itwon'thurtanymore.So,PahasretiredfromtheArmy,andnowhe'sactingstrange.Beforehewasageneral...inchargeofthousandsoftroops.Nowhe'shereathome...commandingonlymeandoldChang...andhe'sgettingverycranky.It'shardforhimtorunthings.Maybeit'sbecauseI'mgettingold,andhe'sgettingolder...andyou'renotgettinganyyoungeryourself.Whenwillyoumarry?Youknow,PacamefromChinatoTaiwanbyhimself...andyou'rehisonlypreciousson.Sodon'tbesuchasnob!LastweekweenrolledyouintoTaipei'sbestsinglesclub...andthey'llsendyouacomputerform...foryoutodescribeyouridealwoman.Alltheirgirlshaveimpeccablebackgrounds.Theyarewell-educated,wellbroughtup...elegantandveryattractive...likeMrs.Quian'sdaughter,theoneyourefusedtomarry.Please,son.Don'tbesochoosy.Relax.Stretch.那是什么意思？What'sthatsupposedtomean?意思是假如你再不放轻松.你的物理治疗师就宰了你Ifyoudon'tZenout,you'llbemurderedbyyourphysicaltherapist.赛门，电话!Simon,there'sacallforyou.喂!…Hello.我给你一块钱你可不可以暂停一下？IfIgiveyou$1,willyoustopplayingforaminute?赛门？Simon?嗯，你在哪里？-Yeah,whereareyou?在城里，进城来会我，我请你吃晚饭Inthecity.Comehereandmeetme.I'lltakeyououttodinner.你还在生气吗？You'restillmad?我们计划这趟旅行已经这么久了你不去，至少该讲一声…It'sjustwe'vebeenplanningthistripformonths.Allyouhadtodowastellme.可是我又不能控制社区规划委员会开会的时间.我们会再找到时间的，我保证.你回家就是了，稍晚再谈ButIcan'tcontrolwhenzoningboardsmeet.We'llgettimetogether,Ipromise.Justcomehometonight,okay?We'lltalkaboutitlater.好，我先到威堡大楼去一下七点钟到家Sure.I'mgoingbytheWilliamsburgBuildingfirst.I'llbehomeby7:00.嘿哇塞!在这里碰到你高伟同WaiTung!Wow!Whatacoincidence!!!住在布鲁克林哪？我住曼哈顿YouliveinBrooklyn?No,inManhattan.哇塞!最近忙什么啊？Whatareyouupto?多久没看你呀？搞不好有…从我手术以后吧!LasttimeIsawyouwasbeforemyoperation.看，33条铁丝钢筋在里头Theyput33differentwires,连疤都看不到，不赖吧!butyoucanhardlynotice...你看皮肤移植的地方onlytheskingraft.小罗对不起，我赶时间改天聚聚吧!…改天打电话到我办公室Sorry,butI'mlate.Callmesometime.Yeah,let'sgettogether.就像从前一样Justliketheolddays.你吃得太快了You'reeatingtoofast.我紧张啊I'mnervous.假如他们准我改建贺逊大楼我就发了IftheyletmeconverttheHudsonbuilding,I'llmakemillions.假如不行我们连去斗六渡假的钱都没了Ifnot,wecouldn'tevenaffordavacationinthePoconos.你连休闲时间都没有还谈什么有没有钱渡假？What'sthepointofbeingabletoaffordavacation...ifyouwon'teventaketimeofftohaveone?讲到渡假,史提夫和安德鲁刚从比利兹回来.他们恨透了那个旅馆Speakingofwhich,SteveandAndrewjustgotbackfromBelize.Theyhatedthehotel.是不是原来我们也要住的那一家？Wasthattheoneweweregoingtostayin?是啊，还好我们没有一起去SoIguessit'sgreatwedidn'tgo.赛门，我真的很抱歉.可是我已经决定了我九月请你到巴黎去玩,就在社区规划的听证会之后.算是你的生日礼物Simon,I'mreallysorry.ButI'vemadeupmymind.I'mtakingyoutoParisinSeptember,rightafterthezoninghearing.Itwillbeabirthdaypresent.生日礼物？You'resuchajerk.喂，兔子，跑到这里来干什么？Hey,youhomo!Whatareyoudoinginthisneighborhood?史提夫，别乱开玩笑Hello.Don'tjokeaboutit.看看那边的威契尔夫妇YouknowtheWitchellsdownthestreet?Checkthemout.好可爱!Cute.下午两点要不要跟伟同一起来打篮球？DoyouandthemightyWaiwanttogoshoot伟同要去威堡大楼处理一些房客的问题,我应该可以去.我打电话给你吧somehoopslater,maybearound2:00?WaihastorunintoWilliamsburganddealwithsometenantstuff.Imightbeabletomakeitthough.I'llcallyou.一定要来!Justshowup.好吧，再见-Seeyou.再见-Bye.到十点钟这些垃圾不从路边移开我就要吃罚单了Ifthey'renotoffthesidewalkby10:00,Igetaticket.对不.起!老板Sorry,boss对不起？这些罚单一张一百七十五元.再拿一张，就扣你薪水!You'resorry?Thoseticketscostme$175.IfIgetanotherone,it'scomingoutofyoursalary.是谁？收房租的地主Whoisit?Thenastylandlord.六楼已经被解放了.小伙子，既然你长得那么帅那就进来吧!Thisfloorhasbeenliberated...butsinceyou'resohandsome,youmaycomein.这个不能当房租Thisisnotrent.赛门说十年后我一幅画值几十万Simonsaysthesewillbeworthalotsomeday.赛门不是你房东，我是我不懂现代艺术Simonisnotthelandlord,andIdon'tknowmodernart.可是你喜欢我呀!Butyoulikeme.It'smyfate.我命中老是爱上同性恋的美男子Ialwaysfallforhandsomegaymen.你根本不是喜欢我，你是想赖房租Bullshit!Don'ttrytotradepaintingsforrent.吵死了!Whataracket!对不起，外面太吵了我没法用心画画It'stoblockthenoise.Ican'tconcentrate.你喜欢台湾的流行歌曲啊？YoulikeTaiwanesemusic?这个音乐是用来赶外面噪音的-Anythingtoblockthenoise.这画的是什么？What'sthispaintingcalled?热!Heat.这暖气一关整幢大楼的房间都会没热水;不要乱动啊!Andifyoushutitoff,thewholebuildingwillbewithouthotwater.Thendon'ttouchit.伟同，能不能花钱修一下，热死了,真不是人住的地方Can'tyoufixit?It'ssohotinhere.这儿本来就不该住人我才算你这么便宜啊HowamItolivelikethis?That'swhytherentissolow.我试过一年多了，打不开的It'snotalivingspace.I'vetrieditforayear.It'sstuck这煮什么东西啊？What'sthis?我的沮丧特餐Mydepressionspecial.你真的这么穷啊？You'rereallythatpoor?没有，只是沮丧Justdepressed.昨天移民局的人到餐厅来抽查Immigrationshowedupatworkyesterday.还好，我迟到了LuckilyIgottherelate.老样子Asusual.是啊!可是他们把艾蜜莉带走了.下次他们捉到我我就可以回上海和艾蜜莉见面了Yes.TheygotEmily.Iftheygetme,I'llbemeetingEmilyinShanghai.艾蜜莉是我在这儿最要好的朋友.现在我没有了工作，也没有朋友Emilywasmybestfriend.NowI'velostmyjobandmyfriend.对不起你在这儿都没有亲戚吗？I'msorry.Youhavenorelativeshere?亲戚担保我过来已经是够意思了,我那里还会去麻烦人家呀？那里像你，有钱又是美国公民Theysponsoredme.Ican'ttroublethemagain.I'mnotlikeyou,rich...Americancitizen.其实我也没有什么钱钱都押在这些烂房子上