写作语篇错误分析

写作语篇错误分析Redundancyindiscourse1.OveruseofsentencepatternsofCET4writingstyles2.Unnecessaryrepetitionofthesameidea3.Repetitionofthesamesentencepatterns4.Redundantuseofsomewordsandphrases5.Chinesestyleoftheuseofverbs(e.g.make)6.Redundantuseofpronouns7.Unnecessarydetails1.OveruseofsentencepatternsofCET4writingstyles2.Unnecessaryrepetitionofthesameidea•Borrowingabookfromthelibraryisaverycommonthing,soit’snecessaryforustoknowhowtoborrowabookfromthelibrary.•第二次borrowabookfromthelibrary完全没有必要重复，它的出现使整个句子显得很累赘。可以改为Borrowingabookfromthelibraryisaverycommonthing,soit’snecessaryforustoknowhowtodoit.•Inmyopinion,Ithinkhumancloningshouldbebannedintheworld.•Inmyopinion和Ithink语义是一样的，没有必要重叠使用，很多学生还喜欢写personally,Ithink或astome,Ithink等。两个表达保留一个即可。•Itisessentialtocontrolenvironmentalpollutionsoastoprotecttheenvironment.•句中controlenvironmentalpollution和protecttheenvironment语义重复，并么有手段与目的的关系。但由于中文经常有同一概念重复提到来突出重要性的情况，在英语写作中也难以避免。本句可改为Itisessentialtocontrolenvironmentalpollution.或Itisessentialtoprotecttheenvironment.3.Repetitionofthesamesentencepatterns•I’vebeenacollegestudentforoneyear.I’veexperiencedalotandI’vegotmuchknowledgefrommyfreshmanyearatthesametime.•这个小段落中的句子都用了同样的句子结构，句型重复率为百分之一百，句式的多样性不足，语言平淡。可尝试写作更高级的句式或改变句子开头的方式，来调整句子的节奏。可改为I’vebeenacollegestudentforoneyear,duringwhichI’veexperiencedalotandgotmuchknowledgeatthesametime.或I’vebeenacollegestudentforoneyear.Duringmyfreshmanyear,I’veexperiencedalot.Meanwhile,I’vegotmuchknowledge.•Althoughourcollegelifeisfullofpressures,Ithinkthatourcollegelifeisstillfullofmanyinterestingthings.•在同一句中ourcollegelifeisfullof…的句式重复使用，语言空洞无味，可以换个句型或选择一个替换成其他的表达方式。本例可改为Althoughourcollegelifeisfullofpressures,Ithinkthatwecanstillfindmanyinterestingthings.或Althoughourcollegelifeisfullofpressures,Ithinktherearestillmanyinterestingthings.等。4.Redundantuseofsomewordsandphrases•Ayoungmanwhoexpectstobesomebodyoftenturnstobesomebody.ThestorytoldofDisraeliisillustrativeofthecase.Onenteringpubliclife,Disraeliaspiredtobebothscholarandorator.Disraelisucceededbetterinhisliteraryworkthaninhisoratoricalefforts.Disraeliwasatfirstatotalfailureasapublicspeaker..…Hestucktohispurpose,andfinallyaccomplishedhispurpose.•当需要反复提及同一人、事、物等时，没有很好的使用代词，从而造成冗余。Ayoungmanwhoexpectstobesomebodyoftenturnstobeone.ThestorytoldofDisraeliisillustrativeofthecase.Onenteringpubliclife,Disraeliaspiredtobebothscholarandorator.Hesucceededbetterinhisliteraryworkthaninhisoratoricalefforts.Hewasatfirstatotalfailureasapublicspeaker.…Hestucktohispurpose,andfinallyaccomplishedhisit.•Collegelifeissimilartosociallifeinwhichwewillmeetawiderangeofpeople.Forthisreason,Ienlargemysocialcontact,whichhelpsmetodealwithdifferentrelationshipswithdifferentpeople.•在中文中，“各种各样的”、“不同的”等形容词频繁使用，甚至叠加出现，但在英文中则显得累赘。本句中的“withdifferentpeople”可去掉。而且本句想表达的是要处理多种多样的人际关系，并非其区别，所以different改为various更合适。因此，本局可改为：•Collegelifeissimilartosociallifeinwhichwewillmeetawiderangeofpeople.Forthisreason,Ienlargemysocialcontact,whichhelpsmetodealwithvariousrelationships.•Myparentsforgotmybirthday,whichmademebecomeunhappy.•此句中become多次一举，完全可以去掉。但中文“使我变得如何如何”的表达很常见，因此，学生的英语作文中也时常出现“makemebecome…”的字样。可改为Myparentsforgotmybirthday,whichmademeunhappy.5.Chinesestyleoftheuseofverbs(e.g.make)•Herwarmwordsletmefeelmoved.•英语中的使役动词，如make和let，常被我国英语学习者滥用，使整篇文章中频繁出现中式英语的句子。在本句中，学生想表达的意思很明白，即“她温暖的话语使我感动”。其中“使我感到…”或“让某人如何”这类的中式表达造成makesb.dosth.和letsb.dosth.的结构遍布在文章的每个角落，而两者的含义也并非完全对应。其实，只要理清逻辑关系，英语中并非一定用使役结构来表达。本句可改为Herwarmwordsmovedme.•Masteringaforeignlanguagemakesmereadbooksfromanothercountry.•学生想表达的是“使我能够做某事”，而make的压迫感较强，这里应该是enablesb.todosth.的意思，本句可改为Masteringaforeignlanguageenablesmetoreadbooksfromanothercountry.6.Redundantuseofpronouns•Theyarenowchangedbytheunstablesocietytobemoreconsiderate,moretolerantandmoreindependent.Theyseetheirparentsquarrelallthetime.Theyseethemunhappy.Andtheyjustgivethemasuggestion,sayingcalmly,“Whydon’tyoutwogetadivorce?”•过多使用they和them,语言啰嗦，表意不清。逻辑关系紧密的情节可以融合到一个句子中，减少不必要的内容。可改为Theyseetheirparentsquarrelandseemunhappyallthetime.Andtheyjustgivetheirparentsasuggestion,sayingcalmly,“Whydon’tyoutwogetadivorce?”•Ican’tfindthetwobookswhichmymothergaveitasmybirthdaygiftyesterday.•本句中thetwobooks的指代在定语从句中出现了两次，引导词which指代从句中的thetwobooks，在gave后没必要在出现同一内容的代词，且it数量也不对。同时，give的双宾语结构不完整，造成语法错误。本句应该为Ican’tfindthetwobookswhichmymothergavemeasmybirthdaygiftyesterday.7.Unnecessarydetails•Whenwepickupsomebookstoborrowtheminthelibrary,itisnecessaryforustohavealibrarycard.•Pickupsomebooks在这个语境中没有必要出现，这个多余的细节之所以出现，与学生的中文思维有很大的关系。句子可以改为Whenweborrowsomebooksfromthelibrary,itisnecessaryforustohavealibrarycard.Logicincoherenceindiscourse1.Logicgapbetweenideas2.Lackoftransitions3.Misusedtransitions4.Shiftperson5.Shifttense6.Shiftvoice7.Shiftpronouns8.Ellipsiserrors9.Confusedlogic10.Failedtransitionalsentence1.Logicgapbetweenideas•ThereweremanythoughtsandexperienceswhenIrecalltheyearwhenIwasafreshman.•本句中的主句和从句之间在内容上存在逻辑间隙。时间状语从句在句中应作为主句事件或状态的时间背景，本局字面意思为“当我回顾大一这一年时，有很多想法和经历。”“想法和经历”仅出现在“当我回顾”这一刻，这并非学生的本意。而学生想表达的是“当我回顾大一这一年时，我发现我在这一年有很多的想法和经历。”或“回顾大一这一年，我有很多的想法和经历。”那么，本局不妨改为WhenIrecallmyfreshmanyea