搜索
HOWIMETYOURMOTHER1X07-MATCHMAKERORIGINALAIRDATE(CBS):07-NOV-2005WRITTENBYCHRISMARCIL&SAMJOHNSONDIRECTEDBYPAMELAFRYMANYEAR2030INT.LIVINGROOM(DaughterandSonsittingoncouch)FutureTed:Kids,beforeImetyourmother,whenIwasstillouttheresearching,Ilearnedsomethingvaluable,thatloveisnotascience.Daughter:Wow,thatwasagreatstory,Dad.Son:We'regonnagowatchTV.(DaughterandSongetupandleave)FutureTed:Yousee,sometimesinlife,youjusthavetoacceptthatcertainthingscan'tbeexplained.Andthat'skindascary.(DaughterandSonreturntositoncouch)INT.BAR(year2005;Ted,BarneyandRobinsittingaroundtable;LilyandMarshallrunin)Marshall:OhmyGod.Lily:Iknow,I'mstillshaking.(LilygrabsBarney'sdrinkanddrinksfromit)Barney:Whatthe?Haha,joke'sonyou,Ihaveacold.Robin:AreyouguysOK?Marshall(yellingovertobartender):AnotherroundandbackitupformeandLily.Ted:Whathappened?Marshall:Wesawsomething,upintheapartment.Lily:Somethingbad.(flashbacktoLilyandMarshallenteringapartmentwhilekissing)Marshall:Idon'tknowwhatitis,butmargaritasmakemesexy.Lily:Oh,muchosexy.YouquieroMarshall.(MarshallandLilyhugandkiss,Lilylooksoverandseessomethingandlooksscared)Lily:OhmyGod.(LilyandMarshallscreamandrunoutoftheapartment)(cutbacktopresentsceneinbar)Ted:Whatwasit?Marshall:Onlythecraziest,meanestlookingmouseyou'veeverseen.Lily:Mouse?Sweetie,thatwasn'tamouse.Thatwasahugecockroach.Marshall:Baby,itwasamouse.Ithadawhiskers.Lily:Butthosethingscomingoutofhishead,thosewereantennaeBarney:Marshallranawayfromacockroach.Marshall:It,itwasamouse.Barney:Oh,yeah,sorry,mybad.You'reaman.Robin:Ooh,mystory'son.Ted,payattention.Carl,turnitup.(newscastonTV)Robin:I'mherewithEllenPierce,NewYork'spremierematchmaker.Ellen,yourcompany,LoveSolutionsboastsa100%successrate.What'syoursecret?Ellen:Science.Everythinginlifecanbebrokendowntoonesandzeros,evenlove.AllIhavetodoisinputthevariables,runthealgorithm,andprestomanifesto,youhaveasoulmate,anditworks.Justaskallofmyhappycouples.Andthesearejusttheattractiveones,Ihavemorephotosinthebathroom.Robin:LoveSolution'sEllenPierce,abeaconofhopeforNewYorkcity'slovelorn.RobinScherbatsky...INT.BARBarney:Wasthatchickattheendreallyaclient?Robin:Yes.Barney:We'resigningup.Ted:What?Barney:Ted,thesechicksaredesperateandhot.That'saperfectcocktail.Shakewell,thensleepwith.Ted:I'mnotgoingtoamatchmaker.That'slikegivingup.It'sthemanversionofgettingacat.Marshall:No,itwasn'tacockroach.Ithadfurandonlymammalshavefur.Lily:Itwasacockroach.Marshall:Comeon,Lily,theonlywaythatthatwasacockroachwasifitwaswearingtheskinofamouseitjustkilled.Lily:OhmyGod.(LilygrabsBarney'sdrinkashe'sabouttotakeadrinkfromitanddrinksitherself)Barney:Comeon.INT.APARTMENT(Tedsittingoncouchreadingmagazine,Tedhearssqueakingandtinyfootstepnoises,Barneybargesintotheapartment_Barney:Ted,hurry,yougottahelpme.Myboatissinking.Ted:What?Barney:Myboatissinking.Ted:Youhaveaboat?Yes,Iboughtaboatlastyearatapoliceauction.Ijustgotacallfromaguydownatthemarinathatit'sleaningstarboardata45degreeangle.IfIdon'tgetthererightnow,it'sgonnacapsize.Now,comeon!(TedandBarneyrunoutoftheapartment)INT.OFFICE(TedandBarneyarefillingoutapplicationsforLoveSolutions)Ted:Yourboatissinking.Thatwasgood.Barney:Comeon,Ted,thisisanincredibleopportunity.We'llmeetoursoulmates,nail'emandnevercallthemagain.(chuckles)(Ellenenterstheoffice)Ellen:Allfinished,gentlemen?Congratulations,youhavejusttakenyourveryfirststep.Barney:Gosh,thanks,Ellen.Isurehopethisworks.I'msodonewiththesinglelife,allthegames,themeaninglesssex.Ellen:Youdeservemore.Barney:Thatissotrue,Ellen.IreallythinkI'mreadytostopbeingameandstartbeingawe.Hey,isthereanywayIcanletitbeknownthatIlovecuddling?(Ellen,TedandBarneysitarounddesk)Ellen:Oh,ofcourseyoucan.Thatisso...Barney:It'skindahardtotalkaboutwithTedhere,butIjustwantsomeonewho'snotafraidtoholdmeatnightwhenthetearscome.Ellen,canyouhelpmefindher?Ellen:Getout.Barney:What?Ellen:Iget15guyslikeyoueveryweek.Jerkswhojustwanttomeetvulnerablewomen,nail'emandnevercallthemagain.Barney:OhmyGod,peopledothat.Ellen:Youwannadothistheeasywayorthehardway?Barney:What'sthehardway?Securityroughsmeupandtossesmeout?Ellen:That'stheeasyway.ThehardwayisthatIstompthecrapoutofyoumyself.(Barneylookslikehedoesn'tbelieveher,Ellenstandsupquickly,Barneystandsuptorunaway)Barney:OK,Ted,let'sgo.(Tedgetsuptoleave)Ellen:Notyou,youstay.(TedandEllensitbackdown)Ellen:You'recute.You'reanarchitect.Goodcareerandyoudidn'tuseanobviousaliasonyourapplicationlikeyourfriend,JackPackage.Barney(throughofficedoor):It'spronounced'Pa-kojj.'Ellen:Getouttahere!(Barneyrunsaway)Ellen:YouIcanworkwith.YougivemethreedaysandIwillfindthewomanyouwillmarry.Ted:Ah,nothanks.Idon'tneedanalgorithmtomeetwomen.It'sNewYorkCity.Youknow,plentyoffishinthesea.Ellen:Plentyoffishinthesea.Yes,there's9millionpeopleinNewYork,4.5millionwomen.Ofcourseyouwannameetsomeoneroughlyyourownage,let'ssay,plusminus5years.Soifwetakeintoaccountthemostrecentcensusdata,thatleavesuswith482,000.But,uh,wait48%ofthosearealreadyinrelationshipsandthenyouhavetoeliminatehalfforintelligence,senseofhumorandcompatibilityandthenyouhavetotakeouttheex-girlfriendsandtherelative