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1BostonLegalLooseLipsSeason1,Episode8WrittenbyJonathanShapiro&DavidE.Kelley©2004DavidE.KelleyProductions.AllRightsReservedAirdate:November28,2004TranscribedbySheriforboston-legal.org[versionupdatedJune17,2006]ConferenceRoomofCranePoole&SchmidtAlanShoresitsatthestaffmeetinginfullSantaregaliaPaulLewiston:Thisisastaffmeeting,Mr.Shore.AlanShore:Irealizethat.PaulLewiston:WhyareyouinaSantasuit?AlanShore:It’safterThanksgiving.Surelyyou’renotsuggestingIstilldressasapilgrim.PaulLewiston:Andwhoisthis?gesturingatalittlewomandressedasanelfAlanShore:She’smyelf.Sometimes,especiallyafterSanta’sbeendrinking,heneedsalittlehelper.PaulLewiston:Haveyoubeendrinkingtoday?AlanShore:No.TodayIjustbroughtherforamusement.Mydoctorsareconcernedthesestaffmeetingscouldcausemetolapseintoacoma.PaulLewiston:Isee.Well,sinceprivilegedinformationisexchangedduringthesestaffmeetings,yourhelperwillhavetoleave.AlanShore:rollshiseyes,thenaddresseshiselfquietlyWouldyouwaitinmyoffice,dear?Elf:Sure.AlanShoreholdsherchairforherasshegetsoffthechairandleavesBradChase:Actually,there’sthat,uh,walk-in.He’swaitinginreception.MaybeAlanshouldtakethat.PaulLewiston:Perhapsyou’reright.BradChase:Awrongfultermination.AguywasfiredasadepartmentstoreSanta.AlanShorelaughsBradChase:Imean,sinceyouseemtohavesuchaconnectionwiththesubjectmatter...DennyCrane:I’lldoit.PaulLewistonstaresatDennyCraneDennyCrane:I’vealwayswantedaSantacase.BradChase:Oh,thisismuchmorerightforAlan.DennyCrane:Isaid,I’lldoit.Whereishe?BradChase:Uh,inreception.DennyCranearises,andwalksintothe:ReceptionAreaofCranePoole&SchmidtDennyCrane:GilFurnald?Amanandwomancontinuetheirconversationwithoutlookingup.GilFurnald:amanwearingadress,readinganewspaperThat’sme.DennyCrane:No,itisn’t.GilFurnald:Yes,itis.DennyCrane:No,itisn’t.GilFurnald:sighingHo,ho,ho!Dealwithit.HallwayofCranePoole&SchmidtTaraWilson:Alan.AlanShore:Tara.TaraWilson:What’swiththewoman?AlanShore:Whatwoman?TaraWilson:Whatwoman?!Theoneyoubroughttothestaffmeeting.AlanShore:She’smyelf,Tara.IthoughtIwasquiteclearonthat.TaraWilson:Yes.Veryamusing.Whyisshehere?AlanShore:Well,itseemsI’veputonafewpoundssincelastyear,soshebroughtmemynewsuit.IdosomeworkwiththeSalvationArmy.Weworkasateam,actually.Isthereaproblem?2TaraWilson:Notatall.AlanShore:But?TaraWilson:NotthatI’vebeendoingbackgroundchecks,butIhaveafriendwhoevidentlyknowsanoldfriendofyours,and...AlanShore:And?TaraWilson:Youoncecohabitedwithalittleperson.AlanShore:Twolovelyyears.Ilivedwithherforthree.TaraWilson:Doyouhaveathingforlittlewomen?AlanShore:Ihaveathingforwomen.You’veneverfallenforsomeoneshorterthanyou?TaraWilson:Well,IbelieveI’minvolvedwithonenow.AlanShore:shiftinghisnewspaperandposturetocompareheighttohersEitheryou’remistaken,orI’mjealous.Andheamblesaway.[credits]Dr.Konigsberg’sOfficeLoriColson:It’sjustverydifficulttoreconcilebeingdrawntoapersonIconsider,well,repugnant.Dr.Konigsberg:Oh,youthinkyou’rethefirstgoodgirltofallforabadboy?LoriColson:Ismyproblemannoyingyou?Dr.Konigsberg:No,I’msorry.I—Ijustmeanttoconveyit’sverycommonforwomentobeattractedtomentheydon’tadmire.Whatcouldbeatplayhere?Therearequalitiesinyourselfyoudon’tlikeorqualitiesaboutAlanShoreyouwishyouhad.LoriColson:Thatisn’tit.Ilikemyselfjustfine.Dr.Konigsberglaughs,shakinghishead.LoriColson:chucklesIsawthat.Dr.Konigsberg:Uh,look.Thisisnotagreatdayforme.Perhapsweshouldreschedule?LoriColson:Okay.Theybotharise.Iseverythingokay?Dr.Konigsberg:Yeah.pauseasLoriColsonpicksupherpurseandjacketCouldIspeaktoyouasalawyer?LoriColson:Uh,sure.makingacirculargesturewithherhandButyou’regonnahavetofacethelittleclocktowardsme.Dr.Konigsberg:Thisisallprivileged,right?Lawyer-client?LoriColson:Ofcourse.Dr.Konigsberg:Look,I—Ihaveapatientwho’sbeenwithmeforalmostfouryearsnow.Andhe,um,hehabituallyspeaksoffantasies,thingsheplanstodo.They’retypicallyidleruminations,Isuppose—makehimfeelbetter.Latelyhe’sbeentalkingaboutmurderinghisex-wife.AndatfirstIthought,harmlesschatteragain.Butthereseemstobesucharesolve.Lori,Ican’tbesurethatitisn’trealthistime.Thismanmayverywellbeplanningtokillhisex-wife,andI’mjustnotsurewhattodo.DennyCrane’sOfficeGilFurnald:sighIjustlikewearingwomen’sclothessometimes.It’snotasexualturn-on.It..well...itjustfeelsrightsometimes.DennyCrane:So,basically,you’reasicko?GilFurnald:I’mnotsick.DennyCrane:Lightenup,man.So,what?Yougotcaughtinaskirtandthatwasit?GilFurnald:Myemployerfoundout,and,yes,Igotfired.Theyaskedmealotofquestions,likewhetherI’mgay.DennyCrane:Areyou?Ah,notthatthere’sanythingwrongwithit.GilFurnald:Yes.ButthatdoesnotmakemeanunfitSanta.DennyCrane:Criminalrecord?GilFurnald:No.No,no,no,no,no.Andthere’sneverbeenanyincident.IhavebeenagoodSantaforeightyears.AgreatSanta.Icanshowyoutheletters.Therearekidsandfamilieswhohavespecificallycomebackforme.AndIthought,thisiswrong.IshouldnotlosemyjobbecauseofhowIliketodress.Dr.Konigsberg’sOfficeDr.KonigsbergisputtingavideotapeinaTVwithaVHSplayer.3LoriColson:Doesheknowyoutapedhim?Dr.Konigsberg:No.I’mjustfullofethicalviolations.turnsontheVHSplayerBrianStevens(TV):It’simportantthatIdoitwithmyhands.Idon’tknowwhy.