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1BostonLegalWordSaladDaySeason2,Episode21WrittenbyDavidE.Kelley©2006DavidE.KelleyProductions.AllRightsReserved.Broadcast:March28,2006TranscribedbyImamessforBoston-Legal.org[version:April1,2006]JudgeStephenBickel’scourtroomisfullandtense.Seatedattheplaintiff’stableareanAfrican-Americamanandwoman.Atthedefensetable,corporatebigwigsandtheirlawyer,EricYavitch.Alanaddressesthejury.AlanShore:…andoverfortypercentofthegroundwaterintheUnitedStates,fortypercent,iscontaminatedbyindustrial,agriculturalhouseholdpollution.OverthelastfiveyearshundredsofthousandsofbloodtestsgiventoMassachusetts’schildrenhaveshownelevatedlevelsofleadintheirblood.Andyet,whatisourbiggestfear?Thedirtybomb,notthedirtywater.EricYavitch:Objection,YourHonor.MrShoreisintroducingevidenceinhisclosingthatwasneverpresentedattrial.AlanShore:Nonsense,YourHonor.Ireferyoutoplaintiff’sexhibitnumberapple.EricYavitch:Ibegyourpardon?AlanShore:AppletrashcanispickedfromGod.EveryonelooksatAlan,confused.Alanappearsasthougheverythingisokay.EricYavitch:Huh?JudgeStephenBickel:Mr.Shore…AlanShore:Nottheyearssixtywhenclassicelectronsarefree.EricYavitch:Objection!Uh,Ithink.JudgeStephenBickel:Mr.Shore,youhaveanotorioushistoryofcourtroomtheatrics.Ifyouraimistoforceamistrial,youwillbedisappointed.AlanShore:Underhisbreath.Pillowpantsjoinforcesoverembargopylons.Heisemphatic.Youaren’tsailingpasthonorforthelikingofaroom.Thesequestionsarebirthdaybasements.Toendtheblueradishistheupsideofluxuryandsparkingagoodlizardcanonlymaketearsfallinhindsight.Puddlesdonotaskforwhynot?Itischeese!Breathandwind.Itischeese.Hesitsdown,spent.Everyonefromthejury,totheopposingsidetohisownclientslookathiminbewilderment.Helooksupateveryoneandfeignsnonchalance.What?InneurologistDrCraigFrancis’soffice,Alan,tense,sitsatadesknexttothedoctor.HisMRIreadoutisondisplayonthedeskcomputer.DrCraigFrancis:…wordsalad.It’sthephenomenonofconfusedlanguage,seenmostofteninpatientswithschizophreniaoranotherunderlyingpsychosis.Nowsimilarsymptomsmayalsoresultfromheadtraumaoraninvasivetumor.AlanShore:Heisstartled.AndIhave…?DrCraigFrancis:Noneofthose.Alanisrelieved.AccordingtotheMRI,yourbrainlooksnormal.AlanShore:Helooksatthecomputerscreen.Iwouldn’tknowifitdidn’t.DrCraigFrancis:Alsoyoudon’tdisplayanysymptomsofpsychosisorschizophrenia.AlanShore:Well!Wehardlyknoweachother.DrCraigFrancis:Thetruthofitisthebrainisverymuchamystery.It’stheoreticallypossiblethatthesesymptomsmightbebroughtonbyacuteanxiety.Howarethingsathome?AlanShore:Ilivealoneinahotel.DrCraigFrancis:Isee.AtCrane,PooleandSchmidt,Dennyisinhisofficepoursdrinks.Alaniswithhim.DennyCrane:Wordsalad?AlanShore:It’stalkinginunintelligiblegibberish,broughtonbyanxiety.Hetakesoutapillbottle.Hegavemesomepills.DennyCrane:Oh?Letmesee.HetakesthebottlefromAlanandpourssomeofthepillsintohispalm.Oh,blue.Ilikeblue.Somethingtowashitdownwith?AlanShore:Idon’tknow.Irathervaluemymelancholy.Usedtobeapersonalitytraitonewasallowedtohave.LikeAbrahamLincolnorLordByron.Nowoneisrequiredtogrinandsaythingslike,“Great!”DennyCrane:Youdon’tneedpills.Youneedtostophelpingpeople.2AlanShore:Whatdoyoumean?DennyCrane:Youknowthoseoldpeoplewhowerebeingfleecedbytheirconservator,thesmoker,thatgloomylittlegirlwhowouldn’tsmile.Youtriedtohelpthosepeopleanddon’tdenyit.AlanShore:Idon’t,butwhatthehelldoesthathavetodowiththisepisodeofwordsalad?DennyCrane:WellAlan,thehumanmindislikeabucket!Itcanonlyholdsomuch.Youseeallthatsufferinggoingonaroundyouandyougetinvolved,itfillsupyourbucket,andsoonit’soverflowing.AlanShore:ThedoctorrecommendedItakeafewdaysoff.DennyCrane:Iknowjustthething!I’mgonnatakeyoutomyspa.I’mgonnaemptyyourbucket.AtCrane,PooleandSchmidt,Deniseisbehindherdeskinheroffice.AcrossfromhersitEvettandAlena,RayRichardsonsitsbetweenthem.AlenaRichardson:Iliveat147EdgarStreet.EvetteRichardson:AndI’mat149EdgarStreet.AlenaRichardson:Webabysiteachother’skids.EvetteRichardson:WegotoCostBuytogether.AlenaRichardson:Spliteverything.EvetteRichardson:Toiletpaper,papertowels…AlenaRichardson:JumboKetchupTwo-Pack.EvetteRichardson:Ihavethelawnmower.AlenaRichardson:Raisesherhands.Hedgeclippersandweedwhackers.EvetteRichardson:AndwebothshareRay.Raysmiles.He’sdelightedbythis.EvetteRichardson:There’sjustoneproblemwiththisarrangement.DeniseBauer:It’scompletelyillegal.RayRichardson:Afraidso.AlenaRichardson:Well,forsixyears,everythingwasfine,butyouknowhowpeoplestarttotalk.EvetteRichardson:Andoneday,wecamehomewiththechildrenandRaywasbeinghandcuffedandarrested.AlenaRichardson:Rightinfrontof147!Denise,we’vedonenothingwrong.There’snovictimhere.EvetteRichardson:Tothecontrary.Inthischaoticworldweliveinwherethereisnostability,wehavefoundawaytoraiseafamilyinacooperative,lovingway.Andnowwe’rebeingpunishedforit.Ithinkthat’swrong.AlenaRichardson:Wealldo.RayRichardson:Especiallyme.DeniseBauer:Guys,thelawonpolygamyhasbeensettledforalongtime.EvetteRichardson:So,it’stimeforachange.AlenaRichardson:Denise.Weareallverycommittedtothis.RayRichardson:IknowIam.DeniseBauer:Right.AtCrane,PooleandSchmidt,ShirleySchmidtisinherofficewithBradChase,PaulLewistonandChrisMot