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高中英语书面表达提高之我见江苏省前黄高级中学2017.05一寓意类书面表达（17四大市二模）•Asamanwaspassingtheelephants,hesuddenlystopped,confusedbythefactthatthesehugecreatureswerebeingheldbyonlyasmallropetiedtotheirfrontleg.Nochains,andnocageseither.Itwasobviousthattheelephantscould,atanytime,breakawayfromtheirbondsbutforsomereason,theydidnot.•Hesawatrainernearbyandaskedwhytheseanimalsjuststoodthereandmadenoattempttogetaway.“Well,”trainersaid,“whentheyareveryyoungandmuchsmallerweusetheropeofthesamesizetotiethemand,atthatage,it’senoughtoholdthem.Astheygrowup,theyareconditionedtobelievetheycannotbreakaway.”•---------叙•Themanwasamazed.Theseanimalscanbreakfreefromtheirbondsatanytime,butbecausetheybelievetheycan’t,theyarestuckrightwheretheyare.•---------议寓意类书面表达审题•特别关注材料中隐含的文章主要观点和事实。•.1)......theyareconditionedtobelievetheycannotbreakaway.”------因•2)Theseanimalscanbreakfreefromtheirbondsatanytime,butbecausetheybelievetheycan't,theyarestuckrightwheretheyare.------果•原文暗藏玄机（因果）•(30字概括的能量所在）30字概括（两句话概括）•版本一：Whenyoung,theelephantsweretiedbyasmallrope.Withtimegoingby,theybecamesousedtothesituationthattheywerereluctanttomakeanyattemptstogetaway.按部就班特别正统版•与原文中beconditionedtobelieve...和bestuckwheretheyare相应版本二(一句话概括)驾驭能力好的话。。。•Duetotheridiculousbeliefthattheyareunabletobreakawayfromthesmallrope,thestrongelephantsnevermakeanyattemptstogainfreedom.•短语使用灵活样版本三一句话概括驾驭能力好的话•Firmlyconvincedthattheyareincapableofbreakingfreeduetotheirpreviousfailures,theelephantsremainwheretheyareandandneverthinkofstrugglingforfreedom.•非谓语动词高度概括寓意类书面表达审题•第二段：morallesson/message•本篇难点：思维拓展（优秀与平庸分水岭）•发散性思维多角度思考：•表象：•reluctanttochangewhatyouareactullyabletochange•原因一：sticktoyourrigidbelief/bestereotyped/beconservative•(holdthedeep-rootedbelief)/lackinnovativethinking•(solution:learntothinkoutsidethebox)•原因二：lackself-confidence/submittohisfate•(solution:restoreourconfidence)原因三fearfailuresandsetbacks---discourageyoufrompursuingyourdream---failtorealizeyourfullpotential(failtoliveyourlifetothefullest)原因四：prefertostayinthecomfortzonebecontentwithyourpresentlifesolutions：1)keepupyourcourage/becourageoustotakethechallenges2)holdanoptimisticattitudetowardsyourlife3)stepoutofthecomfortzone4)Constantdrippingwearsawaythestone.nevergiveuphalfway/perseverant....(TheShawshankRedemption)肖申克的救赎-----信念的力量原因五：institutionalization（和belief相通）Thesewallsarekindoffunny.Firstyouhatethem,thenyougetusedtothem.Enoughtimepasses,yougetsodependentonthem.That'sinstitutionalized.监狱高墙实在有趣。刚入狱时你痛恨它们，然后习惯；最终你靠它生存。那就是制度化。•Whenyoubelieveyoucan,youcan.第二段：•Themessageconveyedfromthepassagereallysetsusthinking：主题句分明/Thepassageconveysthelifephilosophythat(主题句分明）itisourlong-heldwrongbeliefratherthanourinabilitythatdiscouragesusfrompursuingourdreamandrealizingourfullpotential.Ourrigidideawilltrapusinthepastfailuresandleadusnowhereinlifeandincareer.墨守成规----弊端第三段•Personally,we'dbetterlearnfromthepastfailuresbutstillhaveenoughcouragetofaceuptoanychallengeslyingahead.Oncewethinkoutsidetheboxandbreakfree,wewillworkwondersandachieveamazingsuccess.stillroomforimprovement1.不可写破句stillroomforimprovement•2.转行需谨慎stillroomforimprovement•3.段初空两格•4.分段别任性•5.勿标注字数•6.少用祈使句（鸡血）•7.首段少犯错（destructive)•7.杜绝蚂蚁体......Exhibitioncenter:Exhibitioncenter:继续讲故事。。。•Onceuponatimeinalandfaraway,therewasawonderfuloldmanwholovedeverything.Animals,spiders,insects.Onedaywhilewalkingthroughthewoodstheniceoldmanfoundacocoon(茧)ofabutterfly.Hetookithome.•Afewdayslater,asmallopeningappeared;hesatandwatchedthebutterflyforseveralhoursasitstruggledtoforceitsbodythroughthatlittlehole.Thenitseemedtostopmakinganyprogress.Itappearedasifithadgottenasfarasitcouldanditcouldgonofarther.•Thenthemandecidedtohelpthebutterfly,sohetookapairofscissorsandcutofftheremainingbitofthecocoon.Thebutterflythencameouteasily.•Butithadaswollenbodyandsmall,shriveled(萎缩的)wings.Themancontinuedtowatchthebutterflybecauseheexpectedthat,atanymoment,thewingswouldenlargeandexpandtobeabletosupportthebody.Neitherhappened!Infact,thebutterflyspenttherestofitslifecrawlingaroundwithaswollenbodyandshriveledwings.Itneverwasabletofly.讲故事•WhatthemaninhiskindnessandhastedidnotunderstandwasthattherestrictingcocoonandthestrugglerequiredforthebutterflytogetthroughthetinyopeningwereNature'swayofforcingfluidfromthebodyofthebutterflyintoitswingssothatitwouldbereadyforflightonceitachieveditsfreedomfromthecocoon.•Sometimesstrugglesareexactlywhatweneedinourlife.Ifwewereallowedtogothroughourlifewithoutanyobstacles,itwouldcrippleus.Wewouldnotbeasstrongaswhatwecouldhavebeen.Andwecouldneverfly.•---说道理possibleversion:•Asisdescribedinthestory,anoldmancutthecocoonopentohelpthebutterflyout,onlytofinditfailedtofly/onlyleadingtothebutterfly’sfailuretofly,whichindicatesthatoneneedstoexperiencesomehardshipsifheistosucceed.Absoluteprinciple:•先输入，后输出。•Expression:•phrasal&informative•Idealwriting:•accuracy&fluency2013四大市一模（看图作文）描述图片内容，如图中人物的行为和心情。Possibleversion•Inthispicture,wecansee1)ayoungman,wearingadeterminedexpressiononhisface,iscuttingearthwithallhisstrengthinthehopeofmakingafortune/findingsomediamonds./2)onemanissparingnoefforttocut