My-Stroke-of-Luck

1MyStrokeofLuckIthappenedonthewayhomefromameetinginFillmore,40milesnorthofLosAngeles.MyfriendNoelBlanc,ahelicopterpilot,offeredtogivemearidebacktothecity.Wewere50feetintheairwhenwecollidedwithasmallplaneflownbyaflightinstructorandhisyoungstudent.NoelandIsurvived,butthemenintheplanediedinstantly.Idon’trememberbeingpulledfromthewreckageortheambulancetriptoanearbyhospital.ButIdoremembermywife,Anne,staringdownatmeonmygurney.Afterhearingoftheaccident,Annetookahelicoptertoreachme.SheinsisteronmovingmetoourneighborhoodhospitalinL.A.,Cedars-Sinaimedicalcenter.Anotherhelicopterride.JustwhatIneeded!ButAnnewasright.InL.A.Icouldgetthebestcareformyspinalinjuryandstartseeingpsychiatristsformyveryreal“survivor’sguilt”.Annehassuchgoodjudgmentandintuition;sherarelymakesawrongdecision.Afterall,shefirstsavedmylifein1958,whensherefusedtoletmejoinfilmproducerMikeToddonhisfatalflight.Shesavedmeagainaftermystrokein1995,whenIbecomedepressedandsuicidal.Anne’ssecretisthatshelearnsfromlife,thenmoveson.BorninHanoverGermany,shefledtoBelgiumtoescapefascismasateenager.ShethenmovedtoParis,survivingtheoccupationbyputtingherlinguisticabilitytowork.FluentinFrench,English,ItalianandhernativeGerman,shesupported2herselfbyplacingGermansubtitleonFrenchfilms.Wemetin1953whenIwasinParistostarinActofLove.Iwaslookingforanassistant,andAnneBuydensshowedupatmydressingroomforaninterview.Sheworeabluesuitwithawhitecollar,andhadverydelicatewristsandankles.Quitestriking.Iexplainedthepositionandshepolitelysaid.“Idon’tthinkthisjob’srightforme.”Iwasmiffed.HereIwasanAmericanmoviestar.Iexpectedhertobeeagerforthisjob.Shedidaccepttheposition,butonlyonatemporarybasis.Andsheeventuallyagreedtogooutwithme,whichhadbeenmyfirstthoughtanyhow.Butthattooksomedoingonmyparttoo.Afterourfirstmeeting,IcalledtoinvitehertosupperatTourd’Argent,oneofParis’sbestrestaurants,withfantasticviewsoftheSeine.“No,”shesaid,“I’mtired.IthinkI’lljustmakemyselfsomeeggsandgotobed.”Mythoughtthenwas,tohellwithher.Butitwasjustthatpoignantstylethatmademefallinlove.Duringthefollowingmonths,whileIwasfilmingUlyssesinItalian,anneoftenmetupwithme.In1954,whenournextjobsthreatenedtokeepusapartformonthsatatime,IrealizedIdidn’twanttoloseherandaskedhertomarryme.WeslippedawaytoLasVegastotietheknot.Forty-sevenyearsofmarriageisquiteajourney.Annehaskeptmegoingthroughsomeofthehardesttimes,whichhasn’talwaysbeeneasy,giventhatI’msometimesanactorwrappedupinhisego.Afterthecrash,Icouldn’tsitwithoutextremepain.Whenwewentout,Annewouldputmeintherearof3thestationwagon,whereIcouldstretchout.Atdinnerwithfriends,she’dsetaplaceformeasifitwerethemostnaturalthingintheworldtoeatlyingonthecouch.Sheconsoledmeduringmysurvivor’sanguish,butwhatshewouldn’ttolerate—andhere’stheimportantthing—wasmefeelingsorryformyself.Thenagain,I’veneverseenherfeelsorryforherselfeither.ThirtyyearsagoAnneunderwentdiagnosticsurgeryafterfindingalumpinherbreast.Herdoctorreportedthetumorwasmalignant,anditwasspreading.HeencouragedmetoauthorizehimtoremoveAnne’sbreastthenandthere.Idid.After,Ifeltguiltyhavingmadethatchoicewhileshelayunconscious.AnneassuredmethatI’ddonetherightthing.Shedealtwiththecancer,fromwhichshehasfullyrecovered,byhelpingothers—talkingtogroupsaboutherexperiences,andestablishingResearchforWomen’sCancerswithsixfellowsurvivors.Overtheyearsthey’veraised$9milliontohelpfinancearesearchfacilityatCedars-Sinai.AnnerecentlyreadanarticleaboutthedeplorablestateofschoolplaygroundsinL.A.,andstartedaprogramtorebuildandbeautifythem.That’smywife’smethod,findingwaysherlifecanhelpothers.I’vebeenthebeneficiaryofthatpracticemanytimes.TheafternoonIhadmystroke,AnnewasplayingbridgewithBarbaraSonata,andIwashomegettingamanicure.Whenmyspeechstartedtoslur,themanicurist,aformernurse,immediatelyphonedAnne.Mywifewashomewithintenminutesandhadme4atthehospitalwithinanhour.Althoughshewasmyrescuer,Anne,whobelievesintoughlove,wasn’tabouttoletmejustliearound.Duringmyrecovery,shekickedmeoutofbedeachmorningtogetmeworkingwithmyspeechtherapist.ShetaughtmeexercisesthathelpedherwhenshewaslearningtospeakEnglish,likeputtinga\d\beforea\j\tosay“just”.Mytherapistwasimpressed.Oneday,feelingproudofmyprogress,Isaid,“Ithinkasatreat,tomorrowI’dliketohavebreakfastinbed”.Annelookedatmeandsaid,“You’dlikebreakfastinbed?Ithinkyou’dbettersleepinthekitchen!”ThemostdifficultconsequenceofmystrokewasthedepressionIsuffered.WhileIwasgoingthroughit,Anneenduredmymoodsbutdidn’tallowmetocomplain.Inthemidstofwritingmylatestbook,mystrokeofluck,Ihadanepiphany,inspiredbymywife.Howtohandleastrokeishowtohandlelife.Theworldisfilledwithpeoplewhohavesufferedonemisfortuneoranother.Whatsetsthesurvivorsapartfromtheothersisthewillingnesstomoveon,andtohelpothersmoveontoo.AnnehasbeendoingthatforaslongasI’veknownher.