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（Introduction）：Longagotherewasacrazycountry,inthiscrazycountrythereweresomecrazypeople,tryingtoshowthecrazyhistorybycrazyways.MrJingkewasthemostfamousswordsmanandwassenttokillkingofQing,“Yingzheng”.Butfinallyhefailed.Doyouwanttoknowwhathappenedatthattime?Okay,nextshowwilltellyouthetruth.ActionI太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror,mirror,tellme,whoisthemostprettymanintheworld?(画外音：It’syou,PrinceDan!太子丹高兴状)Thankumirror!（面对观众）I’mPrinceDan,themagicmirrorsaidIamthemostattractivemanintheworld.ButYingZhengisajealousguy,Ifeelhewillkillmeifmirrortoldhimthetruth.Iamsoscared.SowhatcanIdo?(向幕里大叫)Whereismyminister?阿三(毕恭毕敬):Honey,Iamcoming.太子丹：I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smartanddearestPrinceDan”!阿三：Sure,honey!Ihaveagoodidea.WecanfindaherotokillYingZheng~~~（作杀状）太子：Ohyeah~~~.Whatisthemostexpensivecommodityinthiscentury?Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状）Goodidea!Butwhoistherightcandidate?阿三：AfterscreeningIhavetwopromisingpersonsonhand.OneisMissLiMoChou,theotherisMrJinKe.TomorrowtheywillPKfortheNO1killeroftheworld.太子：Well,showmethewinnerassoonaspossible,OK?阿三：Yes.ActionII（荆轲与李莫愁上场）荆轲:AreyouLimochou?李莫愁Yes.荆轲OK.I’mJingke,youknow,IwillletyouknowIamthekingofthekillers’world.李莫愁Areyouchallengingme?荆轲Offcourse!耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁Comeon!音乐起两人冲上前来“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”李莫愁倒地荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状：Whathappened?Whyaren’tyouhurt?荆轲:Wedon\'tneedanyreasontowinaperson.Don\'twe?Dowe?（赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Mommaalwayssaid:\Lifeislikeaboxofchocolates,Mochou.Youneverknowwhatyou\'regonnaget.\Igotit,Mommaisright.荆轲再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：Howareyou?荆柯：Fine,thankyou,andyou?太子丹：OhmyGod!Couldyougivemeaninnovativeanswerto“Howareyou”?荆柯：Sure!太子丹：Howareyou?荆柯：Fine,thankyou,andyourwife?太子丹晕倒荆柯：Hey,man,I’mkidding!太子丹：Oh,I’mkiddingtoo!（毕恭毕敬）MayIhaveyournamecard,please?荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：Tobeornottobe,that'saquestion.阿三：Hero，weneedyourhelp.荆柯：Iambusynow!太子丹：Youcangetalotofmoney.荆柯：Iamverybusynow!阿三：IC,ID,IQcard?荆柯：Iamveryverybusynow!阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状):Look!Sheisthemostbeautifulgirlintheworld.IfyousayO.K.,sheisyours.荆柯（流口水）：Ihavetosaysheisaverysexyandbeautifulgirl,butTCMismyonlylove!阿三：What?What’stheTCM?荆柯;Hey,guy!Youlooksosmartbutwhyyoudidn’tknowTCM?Anyofthemcangiveyoutheanswer.阿三：Excuseme?What’stheTCM?观众甲：TCM-TraditionalChineseMM.太子丹：Imustshowyouthetrumpcard.Ladiesandgentlemen,thisisLiptonSlimmingtea.ItisabrandnewproductofUnileverChina.荆柯（激动）：Slimmingtea!Ihavedreamedofitforthousandsoftimes.MywifealwaysthreatenstoleavemeifIcouldn’treducemyweight.阿三：Youwant?Speakupifyouwant!Whydoyoukeepsilent?Whyareyoulookingatme?Althoughyoureyesarefullofsincerity,I’mveryglad,youstillhavetospeakup.Takeit!Doyoureallylike?Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……(太子丹与荆轲摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，做调戏状。）荆柯(诚恳状)JusttellmewhatshouldIdo?Iwilldoanythingforyou.太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!ActionШ荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero,wehavealreadyreachedYishuiRiver.荆珂：Juststophere,please.Farewell,myfriends太子丹：Iwillmissyou,baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做深情对望状，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling,whatareyoudoing?妻子：Nothing!Baby,Youmeanmoretomethananythinginthiswholeworld!（《肖申克的救赎》）荆珂(流泪)：Youarealsomyeverything.Inspiteofyouandmeandthewholesillyworldgoingtopiecesaroundus,Iloveyou.(哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)妻子：Well.Beaman,justdoit!Iwillberightherewaitingforyou.荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!Youmustdomethishonor...promisemeyouwillsurvive...thatyouwillnevergiveup...nomatterwhathappens...nomatterhowhopeless...promisemenow,andneverletgoofthatpromise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.妻子:Ipromise.荆轲:Neverletgo.“妻子:Ipromise.Iwillneverletgo,Jack.I'llneverletgo.（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，荆珂上船，渐渐远去妻子：It’sagooddaytodie.Nevercomeback.Never……Never……妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)：Thankyouverymuch.AssoonasIgetthelifeassurance$1000,000,Iwilltransferhalfofit,$500,000toyouraccount.阿三：Okayokay!旁白：ThenJingkewassenttoQinandfinallykilledbyYingzheng.TheEnd