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Inthedining-saloonIsitatatablewiththreeothermen;Laurasitssomewayoftwithamarriedcoupleandtheirdaughter.Icanobserveherwithoutherknowing,andthisgivesmepleasure,foritisasinamovingpicturethatIcannotethegraceofhergestures,whethersheraisesaglassofwinetoherlipsorturnswitharemarktooneofherneighboursortakesacigarettefromhercasewiththoseslenderfingers.Ihaveneverhadmuchofaneyefornoticingtheclothesofwomen,butIgettheimpressionthatLauraisalwaysingreyandwhitebyday,lookingcoolwhenotherpeopleareflushedandshinyinthetropicalheat;intheeveningshewearssoftrichcolours,darkred,olivegreen,midnightblue,alwaysofthemostsuppleflowingtexture.Iventuredtosaysomethingofthekindtoher,whenshelaughedatmyclumsycomplimentandsaidIhadbettertaketowritingfashionarticlesinsteadofpoliticalleaders.在餐厅里，我同另外三个男人围坐在一张桌子旁，而劳拉同一对夫妇及他们的女儿一块儿坐在离我不远的地方。我可以观察她而不让她发觉，这使我觉得开心，因为我可以像看电影一样地欣赏她优雅的动作，不论是举杯送到唇边，还是扭头与邻座交谈，抑或是用她那纤细的手指从烟盒中夹取香烟的动作。我向来不太会欣赏也不大注意女人的衣着，但我却有这样的印象：劳拉白天总穿着灰色和白色的衣服，因而当别人被热带的高温烘烤得红光满面时，她看上去却给人一种清爽的感觉。到了晚间，她又总是穿着深红、橄榄绿、深蓝等色调柔和富丽、质料柔软光滑的衣服。当我不揣冒昧地将这话对她讲时，她对我这种笨拙的恭维报以开心的大笑，还说我最好不再写什么政坛人物的述评文章而改行专写时装评论算了。ThetallColonelwhosenameisDalrympleseemsanicechap.HeandIandLauraandaChinesewomanimprobablygalledMmeMerveillehavemadeupaBridge-tourandthusbeguileourselvesforanhourorsoafterdinnerwhileothersdanceondeck.TheColonel,whoisnottoooffensivelyanEmpire-builder,sometimestriestotalktomeaboutpublicaffairs;hesaysheusedtoreadme,andisrathercharminglydeferential,prefacinghisremarksby'Ofcourseit'snotformetosuggesttoyou…andthenproceedingtotellmeexactlyhowhethinkssometopicalitemofourdome,theorforeignpolicyshouldbehandled.Heisbynomeansstupidorill-informed;alittleopinionatedperhaps,andjustaboutasfartotheRightasanybodycouldgo,butIlikehim,andtrynottoteasehimbyputtingforwardviewswhichwouldonlybringapuzzledlooktohisface.Besides,Idonotwanttobecomeinvolvedindiscussion.Iobservewithamusementhowtotallytheconcernsoftheworld,whichonceabsorbedmetotheexclusionofallelseexceptanoccasionalrelaxationwithpoetryormusic,havelostinterestformeevetotheextentofaboreddistaste.DoubtlesssomeinstinctimpelsmegluttonouslytocramthesethelastweeksofmylifewiththegentlerthingsIneverhadtimefor,releasingsomesuppressedinclinationwhichinfactwasalwayslatent.OrmaybeLaura'sunwittinginfluencehascalleditout.※那个名叫达里波的高个子上校看样子是个好相处的人。他和我同劳拉及一个竟被人称呼为麦尔维尔夫人的中国妇女凑成一桌桥牌，四人搭档。这样，晚饭后，当其他的人在甲板上跳舞时，我们便用打牌来消遣个把小时。上校不是个令人讨厌的帝国的卫道士，他经常找我谈论一些国家大事。他说他以前常读我写的文章；他说话温文尔雅，彬彬有礼，一开口总是先来上一句“当然，我没有资格建议您……”接下来他就会明确地谈他该如何处置关于某项国内或外交事务的意见。他决不算愚笨，也绝谈不上孤陋寡闻，只是可能有一点偏执，政治思想上极端右倾保守，但我对他颇有好感，因而尽量不提出一些只会使他露出困惑的神色的见解，以免使他难堪。况且，我也不想陷入讨论的旋涡。我有趣地发觉，自己过去除偶尔借诗歌或音乐消遣放松一下外，一心专注的世界大事现在不仅是索然无味，而且简直是令人厌烦了。这无疑是自己受某种本能的驱使，要贪婪地用一些过去无暇享受的赏心乐事来填补自己生命中的最后几周，释放那些在过去虽受到压抑但一直潜伏在自己心中的欲望。也许是劳拉的无意的影响唤起了我心中的欲望。DismissiveasPharisee,Iregardedasmoonlingsallthosewhoselifewaslivedonalesspracticalplane.Protestsaboutdamageto'naturalbeauty'frozemewit,contempt,forIbelievedinprogressandcouldsparenoregretsforalakedammedintohydraulicuseforthebenefitofanindustrialcityintheMidlands.Andsoitwasforallthings.Ahardmaterialismwasmycreed,acceptedasalawofprogress;anyascriptionofdisinterestedmotivesarousednotonlymysuspicionbutmyscorn.※过去，我像法利赛人一样自以为是，轻视别人。只要别人的生活不像我这么讲求实际，我就把他们看作月球居民。对于人们因“大自然的美”遭到破坏而提出的抗议我嗤之以鼻，因为我相信文明的进步的合理性。对于为了利用水力使内地某个工业城市受益而在某个湖泊上筑起拦湖大坝这种事情我根本不觉得遗憾。对一切事物我都是这种态度。我信仰绝对的实用主义，并将其看作是人类进步的自然法则。任何人若标榜自己的行为出于无私的动机，那不仅会引起我的怀疑，而且会引起我的轻蔑。AndnowseehowIstand,assentimentalandsensitiveasanyoldmaiddoingwater-coloursofsunsets!IonceflatteredmyselfthatIwasanadultman;InowperceivethatIamgloriouslyandabolescentlysilly.AnewClovis,lovingwhatIhavedespised,andsufferingfromcalf-loveintothebargain,IwantmytillofbeautybeforeIgo.GeographicallyIdidnotcareandscarcelyknowwhereIam.Therearenosignpostsinthesea.可是看看现在的我吧，竟然像一个老处女正用水彩画着西下的残阳，十分地多愁善感!我曾自诩为老成持重，现在却意识到自己原来这么幼稚无知。就像那个改弦易辙的克洛维一样，我竟然对自己过去所鄙视的一切开始热爱起来，并且还要遭受少年初恋的痛苦。我想在离开人世之前尽情享受一切美好的东西。我不知道也不想知道自己身处何方。茫茫大海无路标。Theyoungmoonliesonherbacktonightasisherhabitinthetropics,andas,Ithink,issuitableifnotseemlyforavirgin.Notastarbutmightnotshootdownandaccepttheinvitationtobecomeherlover.Whenallmyfellow-passengershavefinallydispersedtobed,Icreepupagaintothedeserteddeckandslipintotheswimmingpoolandfloat,nolongerwhatpeoplebelievemetobe,amiddle-agedjournalisttakingaholidayonanocean-goingliner,butaliberatedbeing,bathedin()mythologicalwaters,anEndymionyoungandstrong,withagodforhisfatherandavisionoftheworldinspiredfromOlympus.Allweightisliftedfrommylimbs;1amonewiththenight;Iunderstandthemeaningofpantheism.HowmyfriendswouldlaughiftheyknewIhadcometothis!Tohavediscarded,asIbelieve,allusualfrailties,tohavebecomeincapableofenvy,ambition,malice,thedesiretoscoreoffmyneighbour,toenjoythispurificationevenasIenjoythecleanvoluptuousnessofthewarmbreezeonmyskinandthecoolsupportofthewater.Thus,Iimagine,mustthepiousfeelcleansedonleavingtheconfessionalafterthesolemnityofabsolution.※今夜的一弯新月仰面斜躺在天空，这是月亮在热带地区常见的姿势。在我看来，这种姿势对一个少女来说虽说有些不雅，但却还是适宜的。没有哪一颗星星不愿飞射下来接受邀请做她的情人。当船上的其他乘客最后一个个都回舱就寝之后，我一个人又悄悄爬上空荡荡的甲板，滑人游泳池，在水面上浮游着。这时我已不再是人们所熟悉的那位在远洋海轮上度假的中年记者了，而是一个无拘无束的沐浴着天池神水的自由快乐的人，就像神话中那位有天神作父亲并有一双奥林