写作技巧点拨系列(六)

写作技巧点拨系列(六)升格作文档次,打造写作亮点【核心点拨】四步提升作文档次:要在高考英语作文中得到高分,考生必须让自己的文章有“亮点”,做到妙笔生花,体现出高超的语言驾驭能力和谋篇布局的能力。一篇高考英语作文若能做到“结构紧凑、要点齐全、内容连贯、语言丰富”再加上“亮点频现”,则必能征服阅卷者,获得高分。下面我们就以一篇C档考场作文为例,通过完成每一步后面的升级任务,来具体体会如何将一篇普通作文升级为最优秀作文。第1步:清除简单语言错误升级任务:请将文中的八处错误找出来,并逐一改正。(1)第一句中的that去掉,并在know后面加逗号。(2)第一句中becauseof短语去掉of。(3)第二句中的lasted改为haslasted。(4)第三句中的driedup改为havedriedup。(5)第四句中的diedout改为havediedout。(6)第七句中的alot改为alotof。(7)第九句中的For改为On。(8)第九句中itisveryvaluable中的it改为which。第2步:让词语亮丽起来升级任务:请用更高级的词汇替换斜体的单词和短语。(1)Thegovernmenthasdonemanythingstohelpthepeoplefightagainstit.Thegovernment____________________________________tohelpthepeoplefightagainstit.(2)Peoplethroughoutourcountryalsodoalotofthingstohelpthem,forexample,givemoneyorwatertothem.Peoplethroughoutourcountryalsodo________________to______moneyorwatertoofferhelp.takesquickactionandeffectivemeasureswhatevertheycandonate第3步:让句式丰富多变起来升级任务:请根据不同提示表述:中国西南缺雨导致的干旱已持续了数月。(1)becauseof,shortage,sufferfrom_____________________________________________________________________________________Becauseoftheshortageofrainforafewmonths,SouthwestChinaissufferingfromseveredrought.(2)severeshortage,bringsufferingto___________________________________________________________________________________(3)lastafewmonths,cause(现在分词作状语)______________________________________________________________________________________ThesevereshortageofrainforafewmonthshasbroughtterriblesufferingstoSouthwestChina.ThesevereshortageofraininSouthwestChinahaslastedafewmonths,causingterriblesufferings.第4步:巧妙使用连接词升级任务:请在下面的横线上填入恰当的连接词,使文章更加顺畅。_____________,thesevereshortageofwaterinSouthwestChinahaslastedafewmonths,causingterriblesufferingstothisarea.Notonlyhavemanyriversandlakesdriedup,butalsolargeareasofcropshavediedout.____________,peopleneedwaterbadly.Thegovernmenttakesquickactionandeffectivemeasurestohelpthepeopletoovercometheirdifficulties.ThemeasuresthattheAsweallknowWhat’sworsegovernmenthastakenaresoeffectivethatthesituationissoonundercontrol.____________,peoplethroughoutourcountryalsoaredoingwhattheycantodonatewaterormoneytoofferhelp._______________,let’sunitetogetherandfighttogetheragainstthedrought.Wearesuretowinthebattle.________________,weshouldrealizehowvaluablewaterisandtryourbesttosavewater.仔细阅读之后,我们会发现升级后的作文具有五大优点,即“蠢错不犯、句式多变、巧妙串联、层次不乱、亮点若干”。一篇习作如果具有这五个优点,必定会是一篇最优档的习作。What’smoreOntheonehandOntheotherhand【即时应用】以下是一篇以“IWanttoSmile”为题的普通档英语作文,虽无语法和拼写错误,但层次不清晰、内容不连贯,且缺乏文采,请用学过的知识将其升级为最优档的作文。【参考范文】IWanttoSmileTherearemanyadvantagesofsmiling.Itcannotonlymakeushappy,butalsopleaseothers.Ifwesmileatlife,lifewillsmileonusinreturn.SoIwanttosmileatallwheneverandwhereverpossible.First,Iwouldliketosmileatmyparentsbecausetheyhavegivenmelifeandtakeallthetroubletobringmeup.Theyarrangealmosteverythingforme.Withtheirhelp,Ihavemadegreatprogress.Iwouldliketosay“Thankyou”tothemwithasmile.Thenmysmileshouldgotomyself,foronlyinthiswaycanIgainmoreconfidenceinsmilingmytroublesawayandliveabetterlife.Inaword,let’sgreeteverydaywithasmile.Tomorrowisanotherday.