jokes of senior english

Onedayadoctorwasstartinghismorningwork.Suddenlyamanranintohisroom.Hisfacewasredandhecouldonlysay“Quick!Quick!”.Thedoctorthoughthemustbeveryill.Hisassistanthelpedtogetthepoormantositinachair.Thedoctorgavethemansomemedicinetomakehimsleep.Thenhelookedintotheman’smouthandpulledoutallthebadteeth.Assoonasthemanwokeup,hesaid“Quick!,doctor,Quick,”inalowvoice.“It’sovernow,”thedoctortoldhim.“youdon’tunderstand,”saidtheman.“Icametotellyouyourhouseisonfire.”Onceuponatimetherelivedamanwhowassolazythatnojobwasfitforhim.Inordertomakealiving,hewenttoaneighbourforhelp.Theneighbouradvisedhimtokeepwatchoveragraveyard,asthiswastheeasiestjob.Hearingthis,thelazymanwasdelighted.Butbeforelong,hereturnedhomeinahurry,andsaidveryangrily,“Iwon’tdothatjobanylonger!”Hecried”why?”Hisneighbouraskedinsurprise.”It’sunfair!Atthegraveyard,everyoneelseislyingwhileIhavetostand.TheAbsent-mindedProfessorAbsent-mindedProfessor:Heavens!Someonestolemywallet!Wife:Didn'tyoufeelahandinyourpocket?Absent-mindedProfessor:Yes,butIthoughtitwasmine.Theabsent-mindedprofessorcamehomelateonenight.Whenhereachedhisdoor,herealizedhehadforforgottenhiskey.Heknockedandknockeduntilfinallyhiswifeopenedthedoor.Sinceitwasverydark,shedidnotrecognizehimandexplained,I'msorry,sir,buttheprofessorisnotathome.Theprofessor,absent-mindedasever,replied,Well,I'llcomebacktomorrow.Absent-mindedProfessorTherewerethreeprofessorsattherailwaystation.Theyweredeepinconversation.Thetrainhadjustarrived,buttheydidnotnoticeit.Thentheguardshouted,Takeyourseats,please!Theprofessorsheardtheguardandrushedforthetrain.Twoofthemgotonthetrainbeforeitmoved.Thethirdonewasleftbehind.ItwasProfessorEgghead.Helookedworried.Oneoftheprofessor'sstudentswasatthestation.Hetriedtocomforttheprofessor.Itwasn'treallybad,sir,saidthestudent.Twooutofthreecaughtthetrain.That'squitegood,youknow.Iknow,theprofessorsaid.Butitwasmytrain.MYfriendsonlycametosaygoodbye.AperfectsonA:Ihaveaperfectson.B:doeshesmoke?A:no,hedoesn’t.B:doeshedrinkwhiskey?A:no,hedoesn’t.B:doesheevercomehomelate?A:no,hedoesn’t.B:Iguessyoureallyhaveaperfectson.howoldishe?A:hewillbesixmonthsoldnextWednesday.I’mtryingtostopit“boy,whyhaveyougotcotton-woolinyourear?Isitinfected?”“no,sir,butyousaidyesterdaythateverythingyoutoldmewentinoneearandouttheother,soIamtryingtostopit.”Sorry“I’msorry,Madam,butIshallhavetochargeyoutwentydollarsforpullingyourboy’stooth.”“twentydollars!Why?Iheardyouchargedonlyfourdollarsforsuchwork!”“yes,butthisyoungsteryelledsoterriblythathescaredfourotherpatientsoutoftheoffice.”Questions1.Sincelighttravelsfasterthansound,isn’tthatwhysomepeopleappearbrightuntilyouhearthemspeak?2.Howcome“abbreviated”(简短的）issuchalongword?3.Ifit’szerodegreesoutsidetodayandit’ssupposedtobetwiceascoldtomorrow,howcoldisitgoingtobe?ThetwohuntersTwohunterswerehuntinginaforestwhenoneofthehuntersfainted(晕倒）.Theotherhunterdidn’tknowwhattodo,sohecalled911.whenthepersonanswered,thehuntertoldhimthathispartnerwasdead.Thepersonontheotherendsaid,”calmdownandmakesureyourparterwasdead.”Then,allofasuddenthepersonheardagunshot.Thehuntercamebackonthelineandsaid,”ok,he’sdeadforsure.”Don’ttrytobesmarterthanyourdad!Ateenageboyhadjustpassedhisdrivingtestandaskedhisfatherwhentheycoulddiscusshisuseofthecar.Hisfathersaidhe’dmakeadealwithhisson:“youbringyourgradesupfromaCtoaB,studytheBiblealittle,andgetyourhaircut.Thenwe’lltalkaboutthecar.“Theboythoughtaboutthatforamomentandagreedonit.Afteraboutsixweekshisfathersaid,“son,you’vebroughtyourgradesupandI’veobservedthatyouhavebeenstudyingyourBible,butI’mdisappointedyouhaven’thadyourhaircut.”Theboysaid,“youknow,dad,I’vebeenthinkingaboutthat,andI’venoticedinmystudiesoftheBiblethatSamsonhadlonghair,Moseshadlonghair…andthere’sevenstrongevidencethatJesushadlonghair.”Tothishisfatherreplied,“didyoualsonoticetheywalkedeverywheretheywent?”TheflyisonvacationInarestaurant:Customer:waiter,waiter!Thereisafroginmysoup!!!Waiter:sorry,sir.Theflyisonvacation.atrainscheduleSomebodysaidtoarailroadengineer:what’stheuseofhavingatrainscheduleifthetrainsarealwayslate?Thereplyfromtherailroadengineer:Howwouldweknowtheywerelateifwedidn’thaveaschedule?TenseTeacher:today,we’regoingtotalkaboutthetense（时态）.now,ifIsay“Iambeatiful,“whichtenseisit?Student:obviouslyitisthepasttense.I’mahorseTwocowsarestandinginafield.Onesaystotheother:areyouworriedaboutMadCowDisease?Theotheronesays:no,itdoesn’tworryme.I‘mahorse!DoyouknowthewaytothezooA;excuseme.Doyouknowthewaytothezoo?B:no,I’msorryIdon’tA:well,it’stwoblocksthisway,thenoneblocktotheleftThatwasyesterdayA:lookatyourface.Iknowwhatyouhadforbreakfast.B：whatwasit:?A:eggs.B:no,thatwasyesterday.DisappointedsalesmanforCocaColaadisappointedsalesmanforCocaColareturnedfromtheMiddleEast.Afriendasked,“whyweren’tyousuccessfulwiththeArabs(阿拉伯人）?”Thesalesmanexplained,”whenIgottotheMiddleEast,IwasveryconfidentthatIwouldmakegoodsales,asColaisunknownthere.But,Ihadaproblem.Ididn’tknowhowtospeakArabic.So,Iplannedtoshowthemessagethrough3posters…Firstposter,amanwalksinthehotdesertsand…heissothirsty.Second,themanisdrinkingourCola,third,ourmanis