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英语幽默笑话带翻译1:Amanwashitbyacabinthestreet.Hewasbroughttothehospital.Hiswifewhowasstandingupbyhisbed,saidtothedoctor:Ithinkthatheisveryill.Iamafraidthatheisdead.saidthedoctor,Hearingthis,themanmovedhisheadandsaid:I'mnotdead.I'mstillalive.Bequiet,saidthewife.thedoctorknowsbetterthanyou!医生懂得多一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:我想他伤得很厉害.医生说:我怕他已经死了.听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:我没死,我还活着.妻子说:安静,医生比你懂得多.2:Youcan'tgowithoutmeThebusisverycrowded.Amantriestogeton,butnoonegiveswaytohim.Hey,letmegetonthebus.themanshouts.It'stoocrowded.You'dbettertakethenextbus.apassengersaystohim.Butyoucan'tgowithoume.I'mthedriver.themansays.没有我你们走不了公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车,但是没有人给他让路.喂,让我上车!那位男士喊道.车太挤了,你最好坐下一辆车上的一位乘客对他说.但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机!那位男士说道.3:DrunkOneday,afatherandhislittlesonweregoinghome.Atthisage,theboywasinterestedinallkindsofthingsandwasalwaysaskingquestions.Now,heasked,What'sthemeaningoftheword'Drunk',dad?Well,myson,hisfatherreplied,look,therearestandingtwopolicemen.IfIregardthetwopolicemenasfourthenIamdrunk.But,dad,theboysaid,there'sonlyONEpoliceman!醉酒一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？”“唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。”“可是，爸爸，”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”4:HospitalityThehostessapologizedtoherunexpectedguestforservinganapple-piewithoutanycheese.Thelittleboyofthefamilylefttheroomquietlyforamomentandreturnedwithapieceofcheesewhichhelaidontheguest'splate.Thevisitorsmiled,putthecheeseintohismouthandthensaid:Youmusthavebettereyesthanyourmother,sonny.Wheredidyoufindthecheese?Intherat-trap,sir,repliedtheboy.好客由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？”“在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。5:Dearwhite,somethingyougottoknow.WhenIwasborn,Iwasblack.WhenIgrowup,IamblackWhenI'munderthesun,I'mblackWhenI'mcold,I'mblackWhenI'mafraid,I'mblack.WhenI'msick,I'mblack.WhenIdie,I'mstillblack.you---whitepeople,Whenyouwereborn,youwerepink.Whenyougrowup,youbecomewhite.You'reredunderthesun.You'rebluewhenyou'recold.Youareyellowwhenyou'reafraid.You'regreenwhenyou'resick.You'regraywhenyoudie.Andyou,callmecolor?亲爱的白种人，有几件事你必须知道。当我出生时，我是黑色的我长大了，我是黑色的我在阳光下，我是黑色的我寒冷时，我是黑色的我害怕时，我是黑色的我生病了，我是黑色的当我死了，我仍是黑色的。你---白种人，当你出生时，你是粉红色的。你长大了，变成白色的。你在阳光下，你是红色的。你寒冷时，你是青色的。你害怕时，你是黄色的。你生病时，你是绿色的。当你死时，你是灰色的。而你，却叫我「有色人种」？6：Whereisthefather?Twobrotherswerelookingatsomebeautifulpaintings.Look,saidtheelderbrother.Hownicethesepaintingsare!Yes,saidtheyounger,butinallthesepaintingsthereisonlythemotherandthechildren.Whereisthefather?Theelderbrotherthoughtforamomentandthenexplained,Obviouslyhewaspaintingthepictures.兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”7：HowManyRabbits?Teacher:Now,Jonathan,ifIgaveyouthreerabbitsandthenthenextdayIgaveyoufiverabbits,howmanyrabbitswouldyouhave?Jonathan:Nine,sir.Teacher:Nine?Jonathan:I'vegotonealready,sir.多少只兔子？老师：好，乔纳森，假如我给你三只兔子，第二天我又给你五只，你一共有多少只兔子？乔纳森：一共有九只，先生。老师：九只？乔纳森：先生，我本来就有一只。8：TheseAreMyJeansAftergoingonadiet，awomanfeltreallygoodaboutherself----especiallywhenshewasabletofitintoapairofjeansshehadoutgrownlongago．“Look，look．”sheshoutedwhilerunningdownstairstoshowherhusband．“Icanwearmyoldjeansagain．”Herhusbandlookedatherforalongtime，whensaid，“Honey，Iloveyou，butthesearemyjeans．”那是我的裤子!一个妇女在减肥一段时间后自我感觉特别好——特别是当她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔裤时。她跑下楼冲她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的裤子了。”她丈夫看了她好一会儿，然后说：“亲爱的，我爱你。但那是我的裤子。”9：Themeanman'spartyThenotoriouscheapskatefinallydecidedtohaveaparty.Explainingtoafriendhowtofindhisapartment,hesaid,Comeupto5Mandringthedoorbellwithyourelbow.Whenthedooropen,pushwithyourfoot.Whyusemyelbowandfoot?Well,gosh,wasthereply,You'renotcomingempty-hangded,areyou?吝啬鬼请客一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。10：AllIdoispayMyfamilyisjustlikeanation,Mr.Browntoldhiscolleague.Mywifeistheministeroffinance,mymother-in-lawistheministerofwar,andmydaughterisforeignsecretary.Soundsinteresting,hiscolleaguereplied.Andwhatisyourposition?I'mthepeople.AllIdoispay.我要做的一切就是付钱布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。”“听上去挺有意思的，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢？”“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。”1.Whatroomhasnowalls,nodoors,nowindows,andnofloors?Amushroom.(蘑菇)2.Whatissmallerthananinsect'smouth?Anythingiteats.3.Whatlargeinstrumentdoyoucarryinyourears?Drums,thatiseardrums.(鼓膜)4.What'stoomuchforone,justrightfortwo,butnothingatallforthree?Asecret.5.Whatpersontriedtomakeyousmilemostofthetime?Aphotographer.6.Whatanimalhasaheadlikeacat,eyeslikeacat,ataillikeacat,butisn'tacat?Akitten.(小猫)7.Whatsurprisingthingshappenevery24hours?Daybreaks,butdoesn'tfall;nightfalls,butdoesn'tbreak.8.Whatcanhearyouwithoutearsandcanansweryouwithoutamouth?Anecho.(回声)9.WhatdoyouknowaboutthekingsofFrance?Theyarealldead.10.Whatquestioncanyouneveranswer'yestoAreyouasleep?11.Whydosomeoldpeopleneveruseglasses?Theymustpreferbottlestoglasses.12.Whyisthepersonwearingtwocoatswhilepaintingthehouse?BecausetheinstructionsonthepaintcansayPutontwocoatsforbestresults.13.Whattwowordshavethousandsoflettersinthem?Postoffice.14.Whatdoworkers