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TheTruthAboutLying关于说谎的真相朱迪斯维奥斯特1.I'vebeenwantingtowriteonasubjectthatintriguesandchallengesmethesubjectoflying.I'vefounditverydifficulttodo.EveryoneI'vetalkedtohasaquiteintenseandpersonalbutoftenratherintolerantpointofviewaboutwhatwecanandcannevernevertellliesabout.I'vefinallyreachedtheconclusionthatIcan'tpresentanyultimateconclusions,fortoomanypeoplewouldpromptlydisagree.Instead,I'dliketopresentaseriesofmoralpuzzles,allconcernedwithlying.I'lltellyouwhatIthinkaboutthem.Doyouagree?我一直想写一个令我深感兴趣的话题：关于说谎的问题。我觉得这个题目很难写。所有我交谈过的人都对什么事情可以说谎——什么事情绝对不可以说谎——持有强烈的、常常不容别人分说的个人意见。最后我得出结论,我不能下任何定论,因为这样做就会有太多的人立即反对。我想我还是提出若干都与说谎有关的道义上的难题吧。我将向读者阐明我对这些难题的个人看法。你们觉得对吗?SocialLies社交性谎言2.MostofthepeopleI'vetalkedwithsaythattheyfindsociallyingacceptableandnecessary.Theythinkit'sthecivilizedwayforfolkstobehave.Withouttheselittlewhitelies,theysay,ourrelationshipswouldbeshortandnasty.It'sarrogant,theysay,toinsistonbeingsoincorruptibleandsobravethatyoucauseotherpeopleunnecessaryembarrassmentorpainbycompulsivelypresentingthemwithyourhonesty.Ibasicallyagree.Whataboutyou?和我交谈过的大多数人都说，他们认为旨在促进社会交际的谎言是可以接受的�也是必要的。他们认为这是一种文明的行为。他们说，要不是这类无关紧要的谎言，人与人之间的关系就会变得粗野不快,无法持久。他们说,如果你要做到十二分正直、十二分无畏，不由自主地用你的诚实使他人陷入不必要的窘境或痛苦之中,这只能说你是傲慢自大。对此,我基本赞同。你呢?3.Willyousaytopeople,whenitsimplyisn'ttrue,Ilikeyournewhairdo,You'relookingmuchbetter,It'ssonicetoseeyou,Ihadawonderfultime?你会不会跟人说:“我喜欢你的新发型,”“你气色好多了,”“见到你真高兴,”“我玩得很尽兴,”而实际上根本不是这么回事儿。4.Willyoupraiseuglypresentsanduglykids?你会不会对令人憎厌的礼物，或相貌平平的孩子称赞有加。5.WillyoudeclineinvitationswithWe’rebusythatnight—sosorrywecan’tcome,”whenthetruthisyou’dratherstayhomethandinewiththeSo-dad-sos？你婉辞邀请时会不会说“那天晚上我们正好没空——真对不起，我们不能来,”而实际上你是宁肯呆在家里也不想跟某某夫妇一起进餐。6.Andeventhough,asIdo,youmaypreferthepoliteevasionofYoureallycookedupastorminsteadofThesoupwhichtasteslikewarmed-overcoffeeiswonderful,willyou,ifyoumust,proclaimitwonderful?虽然像我那样，你也想用“太丰盛了”这种委婉的托辞，而不是盛赞“那汤味道好极了”(其实味同重新热过的咖啡),但如果你必须赞美那汤，你会说它鲜美吗?7.There'sonemanIknowwhoabsolutelyrefusestotellsociallies.Ican'tplaythatgame,hesays,I'msimplynotmadethatway.Andhisanswertotheargumentthatsayingnicethingstosomeonedoesn'tcostanythingis,Yes,itdoesitdestroysyourcredibility.Myfrienddoesnotindulgeinwhathecallsflattery,falsepraiseandsweetcomments.Whenotherstelllieshewillnotgoalong.Hesaysthatsociallyingislying,thatlittlewhiteliesarestilllies.Andhefeelsthattellingliesismorallywrong.Whataboutyou?我认识一个人,他完全拒绝说这类社交性谎言。“我不会那一套,”他说,“我生来就不会那一套。”讲到对人家说几句好听的话并不失去什么，他的回答是,“不对，当然有损失——那会损害你的诚信度。”因此你不问他，他不会对你刚买来的画发表意见，但除非你想听老实话。否则你也不会去问他的真实想法。当我们这些说谎者轻声称赞着“多美啊”的时候，他的沉默往往是极能说明问题的。我的这位朋友从来不讲他所说的“奉承话、虚假的赞美话和动听话”。别人说些无伤大雅的谎言，他则不。他说社交性谎言还是谎言，无关紧要的小小谎言还是谎言。他认为说谎不合道德。你呢？Peace-KeepingLies息事宁人的谎言8.Manypeopletellpeace-keepinglies;liesdesignedtoavoidirritationorargument;liesdesignedtosheltertheliarfrompossibleblameorpain;liesdesignedtokeeptroubleatbaywithouthurtinganyone.不少人为了息事宁人而说谎：那种意在避免生气或争吵的谎言，意在使说谎者免受可能的责备或烦恼的谎言：意在(或据认为理应)不伤害他人而又能帮助避免麻烦的谎言。9.Itelltheseliesattimes,yetIalwaysfeelthey'rewrong.Iunderstandwhywetellthem,butstilltheyfeelwrong.AndwheneverIliesothatsomeonewon'tdisapproveofmeorthinklessofmeoryellatme,IfeelI'mabitofacoward,IfeelI'mdodgingresponsibility,Ifeelguilty.Whataboutyou?我有时也说这种谎，不过我总觉得不该说。我知道为什么要说这种谎，但说这种谎终究不对。每当我为了不让别人讨厌自己、看轻自己、或冲着自己嚷嚷而说谎时，我总觉得自己有点像个懦夫，觉得自己是在逃避责任，觉得…愧疚。你呢？10.Doyou,whenyouarelateforadatebecauseyouoverslept,sayyou'relatebecauseyougotcaughtinatrafficjam?你由于睡过.赴约会迟到了，会不会说是因为碰上堵车才晚到的？11.Doyou,whenyou’reforgettocallafriend,saythatyoucalledseveraltimesbutthelinewasbusy?你忘了给朋友打电话，会不会谎称打过好几次，可电话老占线？12.Doyou,whenyoudidn'trememberthatitwasyourfather'sbirthday,saythathispresentmustbedelayedinthemail?你忘了父亲的生日，会不会说寄给他的礼物准是给耽搁了？13.Andwhenyou'replanningaweekendinNewYorkCityandyou'renotinthemoodtovisityourmother,wholivesthere,doyouconceal—withalie,ifyoumust—thefactthatyou'llbeinNewYork?Ordoyouhavethecourage—orisitthecruelty?—tosay,I'llbeinNewYork,butsorry—Idon'tplanonseeingyou?你打算去纽约市度周末，但又不想去看望住在那里的母亲，你会——必要的话用谎言——隐瞒你将到纽约的事实，还是会勇敢地——或者说狠心地——说：“我要来纽约�可是抱歉，我不打算来看望你”？14.(DaveandhiswifeElainehavetwoquitedifferentpointsofviewonthisverysubject.Hecallsheracoward.Shesaysshe'sbeingwise.HesaysshemustassertherrighttovisitNewYorksometimesandnotseehermother.Towhichshealwayspatientlyreplies:Whyshouldwehaveuselessfights?Mymother'stoooldtochange.WegetalongmuchbetterwhenIlietoher.)(戴夫和妻子伊莱恩正是在这个问题上有两种颇不相同的观点。他称她为懦夫。她说自己处理这事是明智的。他说她应该维护自己有的时候去纽约但不去看望母亲的权利。对此她总是耐心地回答说：“我们何必无谓地争吵呢？我母亲年纪大了，不会改了。我对她说个谎，我们相处得就更好。”)15.Finally,doyoukeepthepeacebytellingyourhusbandliesonthesubjectofmoney?Doyoureducewhatyoureallypaidforyourshoes?Andingeneraldoyoufindyourselfready,willingandabletolietohimwhenyoumakeabsurdmistakesorloseorbreakthings?最后一点，你会不会在钱的问题上对丈夫说谎，以求太平？你会不会少报买鞋子的钱？你出了什么荒唐的错误或丢失了物品打碎了器皿时是不是常常想对他撒谎，而且会对他撒谎？16.Iusedtohavearomanticideathatpartofintimacywasconfessingeverydumbthingthatyoudidtoyourhusband.Butafteracoupleofyearsofthat,saysLaura,haveIchangedmymind!“过去我往往不切实际地以为亲密关系的一个组成部分就是把自己做的每件蠢事都如实告诉丈夫。可这么过了几年之后，”劳拉说，“我就改了主意!”17.Andhavingchangedhermind,shefindsherselftellingpeacekeepinglies.Andyes,Itellthemtoo.Whataboutyou?改