Cohabitation-or-Marriage

1CohabitationorMarriage?IntroductionAmajorsocialtrendofthelastthreedecadesisthedeclineinmarriageandtheriseincohabitation.Overthelasttwentyyears,thenumberofmarriageshasfallenconsiderably,whiletherehasbeenagrowthinthenumberofcoupleslivingtogetherwithoutmarrying.In1993thenumberofmarriagesintheUKfelltoitslowestlevelfor50yearsandoneinfiveunmarriedmenandwomenwerecohabiting.Thestigmaattachedtocohabitinginthe1990sisfarlessthanitwastwoorthreedecadesago.Consequently,manycouplesarecontenttolivetogether.Someregardtheirrelationshipasa‘trialmarriage’,whileothersrejecttheinstitutionofmarriageandneverplantomarry.CohabitationhasbecomesociallyacceptablealthoughitiscontrarytothemostfundamentalteachingsoftheChristianfaith.Thisacceptancebysocietyis,perhaps,bestshownbythewaylanguagehaschanged-theterm‘'partner’isnowincommonusage.Contemporarysocietyseldomdistinguishesbetweencohabitingpartnersandmarriedcouples.TrendsincohabitationPremaritalcohabitationThetrendinpremaritalcohabitationshowsthatinthemid-1960saround5%ofsinglewomenlivedwiththeirfuturehusbandbeforemarriage.Bythe1990sabout70%werecohabitingpriortomarriage.Inthecaseofwomenmarryingasecondtimeinthe1990s,about90%willcohabitbeforetheirsecondmarriage.PrevalenceofcohabitationPrevalencereferstotheproportionofpeopleinsocietycohabitingataparticularpointintime.Theproportionofsinglewomencohabitingin1979was7.5%,andthishadmorethantrebledto23%by1993.Divorcedmenhavethehighestratesofcohabitation-in1993over40%wereinsucharelationship.Takingallunmarriedpeopletogether,overoneinfivewerecohabitingin1993comparedtooneinseveninthemid-1980s.Thedurationofcohabitation2TheGeneralHouseholdSurveyprovidesinformationonthelengthofcohabitation.Ofcourse,thedurationsmeasuredinthiswayareincomplete,foritisnotknownatthetimeofinterviewhowlongeachcurrentspellofcohabitationwilllast.Nevertheless,thecalculateddurationsdogiveanindicationoftrends.Atthetimetheywereinterviewed,34%ofcohabitingsinglewomenhadbeenintheirrelationshipforlessthan18months.Theaveragelengthofcohabitationforsinglewomenincreasedfrom19monthsin1986to29monthsin1993.DebateintheChurchofEnglandTheriseintheprevalenceofcohabitationhasledtoamajordebateintheChurchofEnglandandareportcommissionedbytheSynodentitledSomethingtoCelebrategivesguardedapprovaltocohabitation.Accordingtothereport,somecohabitingrelationshipsaremarriagesinallbutnameandsothelabel‘livinginsin’isnolongerappropriate.TheArchbishopofCanterbury,however,expresseddisappointmentthatthereportdidnotmaintainaclearfocusonthebiblicalidealsembodiedinfamilylifeandsociety.TheArchbishopstated,‘thewisdomandtruthoftheChristiantradition(is)thatamarriedmanandwomanandtheirchildrenshouldbethebasicbuildingblockoffamilylife.Cohabitationisnot,andcannotbe,marriageinallbutname...Thosewhochoosetocohabitonthegroundsthattheirrelationshipisaprivatematterandnothingtodowiththewidersocietyare,frankly,deludingthemselves.Marriage,notcohabitation,istheinstitutionthatisattheheartofagoodsocietyandletusnotbereluctanttosayso.Idonotsaythisincondemnation;Isayitasaninvitationtoabetterway.’WhytheChurchcannotremainsilentTheArchbishop'scommentsareencouragingforhehasfelttheneedtospeakoutagainstthemovetowardswidespreadcohabitation.Yetthepopularviewisthatitisjudgementaltocommentonmoralissuesandconsequently,fewpeoplehavefeltinclinedtodoso.Therightofindividualpeopletosettheirownmoralstandardswithoutinterferencefromothersisregardedassacrosanct.Everyoneisfreetodowhattheythinkisrightintheirowneyes,withoutreferencetothemoralstandardssetoutintheBible.ThustheChristianviewofmarriageisunderconstantchallenge-thepointhasbeenreachedintheUnitedKingdomwheremostcouplescohabitbeforemarriage,andtheChurchhaslittletosayonthesubject.3TheChristianChurch,however,mustnotremainsilent.Ithasanobligationtoenterthedebatebyreaffirmingthebiblicalstandardsofmarriage.ItisnecessaryfortheChurchtospeakprophetically,warningofthedevastatingconsequencesofdisobeyingGod'swordforboththeindividualandsociety.God'swrathcomesonthosewhoaredisobedient(Ephesians5:6).Godcannotbemocked.Amanreapswhathesows(Galatians6:7)FailuretospeakoutmarginalisestheChurchandweakensitswitness.WhenGod'swayisupheld,itisforthegoodofall.However,whenGod'slawisrejected,thenallsocietywillbeartheconsequences.Thepurposeofthisbookletis,first,toexaminewhattheBiblesaysaboutmarriageandcohabitation,and,second,topresentinformationonthesocialandhealthconsequencesofcohabitation.TheargumentsinfavourofcohabitationCohabitationisdefinedasarelationshipinwhichamanandawomanlivetogetherandregularlyengageinsexualintercoursewithoutbeingmarried.Twomajorargumentsareputforwardbythosewhoadvocatecohabitation.Thefirstisthatitiswiseforacoupletolivetogetherbeforegettingmarried,sothattheycanhaveatrialperiodinwhichtoconfirmtheircompatibility.Thisviewsupportstheideaofpremaritalcohabitation.Thesecondargumentisthatmarriageisanoutdatedinstitutionwhichneedstobereplacedbycohabitation.TrialmarriageThefirstpositionisheldbypeoplewhodonotopposemarriageassuchbutarenervousofenteringintoanunhappymarriage.Theyconsiderthatitisnecessarytolivetogetherbeforemarr