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HowtoLivetobe200TwentyyearsagoIknewamancalledJiggins,whohadtheHealthHabit.Heusedtotakeacoldplungeeverymorning.Hesaiditopenedhispores.Afterithetookahotsponge.Hesaiditclosedthepores.Hegotsothathecouldopenandshuthisporesatwill.Jigginsusedtostandandbreatheatanopenwindowforhalfanhourbeforedressing.Hesaiditexpandedhislungs.Hemight,ofcourse,havehaditdoneinashoe-storewithabootstretcher,butafterallitcosthimnothingthisway,andwhatishalfanhour?Afterhehadgothisundershirton,JigginsusedtohitchhimselfuplikeadoginharnessanddoSandowexercises.Hedidthemforwards,backwards,andhind-sideup.Hecouldhavegotajobasadoganywhere.Hespentallhistimeatthiskindofthing.Inhissparetimeattheoffice,heusedtolieonhisstomachonthefloorandseeifhecouldlifthimselfupwithhisknuckles.Ifhecould,thenhetriedsomeotherwayuntilhefoundonethathecouldn'tdo.Thenhewouldspendtherestofhislunchhouronhisstomach,perfectlyhappy.Intheeveningsinhisroomheusedtoliftironbars,cannon-balls,heavedumb-bells,andhaulhimselfuptotheceilingwithhisteeth.Youcouldhearthethumpshalfamile.Helikedit.Hespenthalfthenightslinginghimselfaroundhisroom.Hesaiditmadehisbrainclear.Whenhegothisbrainperfectlyclear,hewenttobedandslept.Assoonashewoke,hebeganclearingitagain.Jigginsisdead.Hewas,ofcourse,apioneer,butthefactthathedumb-belledhimselftodeathatanearlyagedoesnotpreventawholegenerationofyoungmenfromfollowinginhispath.TheyareriddenbytheHealthMania.Theymakethemselvesanuisance.Theygetupatimpossiblehours.TheygooutinsillylittlesuitsandrunMarathonheatsbeforebreakfast.Theychasearoundbarefoottogetthedewontheirfeet.Theyhuntforozone.Theybotheraboutpepsin.Theywon'teatmeatbecauseithastoomuchnitrogen.Theywon'teatfruitbecauseithasn'tany.Theypreferalbumenandstarchandnitrogentohuckleberrypieanddoughnuts.Theywon'tdrinkwateroutofatap.Theywon'teatsardinesoutofacan.Theywon'tuseoystersoutofapail.Theywon'tdrinkmilkoutofaglass.Theyareafraidofalcoholinanyshape.Yes,sir,afraid.Cowards.Andafteralltheirfusstheypresentlyincursomesimpleold-fashionedillnessanddielikeanybodyelse.Nowpeopleofthissorthavenochancetoattainanygreatage.Theyareonthewrongtrack.Listen.Doyouwanttolivetobereallyold,toenjoyagrand,green,exuberant,boastfuloldageandtomakeyourselfanuisancetoyourwholeneighbourhoodwithyourreminiscences?Thencutoutallthisnonsense.Cutitout.Getupinthemorningatasensiblehour.Thetimetogetupiswhenyouhaveto,notbefore.Ifyourofficeopensateleven,getupatten-thirty.Takeyourchanceonozone.Thereisn'tanysuchthinganyway.Or,ifthereis,youcanbuyaThermosbottlefullforfivecents,andputitonashelfinyourcupboard.Ifyourworkbeginsatseveninthemorning,getupattenminutesto,butdon'tbeliarenoughtosaythatyoulikeit.Itisn'texhilarating,andyouknowit.Also,dropallthatcold-bathbusiness.Youneverdiditwhenyouwereaboy.Don'tbeafoolnow.Ifyoumusttakeabath(youdon'treallyneedto),takeitwarm.Thepleasureofgettingoutofacoldbedandcreepingintoahotbathbeatsacoldplungetodeath.Inanycase,stopgassingaboutyourtubandyourshower,asifyouweretheonlymanwhoeverwashed.Somuchforthatpoint.Next,takethequestionofgermsandbacilli.Don'tbescaredofthem.That'sall.That'sthewholething,andifyouoncegetontothatyouneverneedtoworryagain.Ifyouseeabacilli,walkrightuptoit,andlookitintheeye.Ifonefliesintoyourroom,strikeatitwithyourhatorwithatowel.Hititashardasyoucanbetweentheneckandthethorax.Itwillsoongetsickofthat.Butasamatteroffact,abacilliisperfectlyquietandharmlessifyouarenotafraidofit.Speaktoit.Callouttoittoliedown.Itwillunderstand.Ihadabacillionce,calledFido,thatwouldcomeandlieatmyfeetwhileIwasworking.Ineverknewamoreaffectionatecompanion,andwhenitwasrunoverbyanautomobile,Iburieditinthegardenwithgenuinesorrow.(Iadmitthisisanexaggeration.Idon'treallyrememberitsname;itmayhavebeenRobert.)Understandthatitisonlyafadofmodernmedicinetosaythatcholeraandtyphoidanddiphtheriaarecausedbybacilliandgerms;nonsense.Choleraiscausedbyafrightfulpaininthestomach,anddiphtheriaiscausedbytryingtocureasorethroat.Nowtakethequestionoffood.Eatwhatyouwant.Eatlotsofit.Yes,eattoomuchofit.Eattillyoucanjuststaggeracrosstheroomwithitandpropitupagainstasofacushion.Eateverythingthatyoulikeuntilyoucan'teatanymore.Theonlytestis,canyoupayforit?Ifyoucan'tpayforit,don'teatit.Andlisten--don'tworryastowhetheryourfoodcontainsstarch,oralbumen,orgluten,ornitrogen.Ifyouareadamnfoolenoughtowantthesethings,goandbuythemandeatallyouwantofthem.Gotoalaundryandgetabagofstarch,andeatyourfillofit.Eatit,andtakeagoodlongdrinkofglueafterit,andaspoonfulofPortlandcement.Thatwillglutenyou,goodandsolid.Ifyoulikenitrogen,goandgetadruggisttogiveyouacanfulofitatthesodacounter,andletyousipitwithastraw.Onlydon'tthinkthatyoucanmixallthesethingsupwithyourfood.Thereisn'tanynitrogenorphosphorusoralbumeninordinarythingstoeat.Inanydecenthouseholdallthatsortofstuffiswashedoutinthekitchensinkbeforethefoodisputonthetable.Andjustonewordaboutfreshairandexercise.Don'tbotherwitheitherofthem.Getyourroomfullofgoodair,thenshutupthewindowsandkeepit.Itwillkeepforyears.Anyway,don'tkeepusingyourlungsallthetime.Letthemrest.Asforexercise,ifyouhavetotakeit,takeitandputupwithit.Butaslongasyouhavethepriceofahac