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U2para2;6;9U5para20;21;26U6para4;;8U7para1;9U2para2;6;92Youmustbecarefulhowyouanswerthisquestion.Thebesttechniqueistoformanhonestyetsensitiveresponse,thenpromptlyexcuseyourselfforsomekindofemergency.Trustme,thisistheeasiestwayout.Noamountofrehearsalwillhelpyoucomeupwiththerightanswer.2对于如何应对这个问题，你一定得小心。最好的对策就是给一个诚实但又谨慎的回答，然后借口有急事马上脱身。相信我，这是最简单的方法。对于她的这一问题，无论你事先练习多少次，都不会找到正确答案。6Whydowomenconsidertheirlookssodeficient?Thischronicinsecurityisn'tinborn,butcreatedthroughtheinteractionofmanycomplexpsychologicalandsocietalfactors,beginningwiththedollswegivethemaschildren.Girlsgrowupplayingwithdollsproportionedsothat,iftheywerehuman,theywouldbesevenfeettallandweigh61pounds,withtinythighsandalargeupperbody.Thisisanabsurdstandardtoliveupto,especiallywhenyouconsiderthesizeofthedoll'swaist,arelativemeasurementphysicallyimpossibleforalivinghumantoachieve.Contrastthisabsurdstandardwiththatpresentedtolittleboyswiththeiractionfigures.Mostofthetoysthatyoungboyshaveplayedwithwereweird-looking,liketheonecalledBuzz-Offthatwasparthuman,partflyinginsect.Thisguywasnotalooker,buthewasstillextremelyself-confident.Youcouldnotimaginehimsayingtotheothers,Isthisaccessorytherightshadeofvioletforthisoutfit?6为什么女性会把自己的外貌想得这么差呢？这种长期的不安全感并不是与生俱来的，而是由许多复杂的心理和社会因素的相互作用造成的，从小时候大人们给她们买洋娃娃时就开始了。女孩成长过程中摆弄的洋娃娃，如果按照身材比例还原为真人大小的话，就会是7英尺高，61英磅重，大腿纤细，上身丰满。要达到这样的标准是很荒唐的，尤其是当我们想想那种洋娃娃的腰围尺寸，就知道其相对尺寸对任何一个活人来说都是不可企及的。与女孩玩具的这种荒唐标准相比，小男孩们得到的“动作玩偶”却是完全不同的模样。大多数男孩的玩具都样貌古怪，例如那个叫作“蜜蜂侠”的玩偶，一半像人，一半像会飞的昆虫。这个玩偶尽管样子不好看，但仍然非常自信。你肯定无法想象他会问别人说：“这个配饰的紫罗兰色和这件外套配不配呢？”9Ofcoursewomenarguethattheybecomeobsessedwithappearanceasareactiontopressurefrommen.Thetruthisthatmostmenthinkbeautyismorethanjustlipstickandperfumeandtakenonoticeoftheseextradetails.Ihaveneveronce,inmorethan40yearsoflisteningtomentalkaboutwomen,heardamansay,Shehadgorgeousfingernails!Tomostmen,littlethingslikefingernailsareallhomogeneousanyway,andonewoman'sflawlesspinkpolishisexactlyasinvisibleasanother'sbarenails.9当然，女性会争辩说她们对外表的热衷追求是出于对来自男性的压力的一种反应。而事实是，大多数男性认为美丽不仅仅来自于口红和香水，而且他们也不会去注意这些额外的细节。四十多年来，我在听男性谈论女性时，从来没有一次听到过哪位男性这样说：“她的指甲真漂亮啊！”对大多数男性来说，像指甲这样小的东西看起来都一样，无论一个女士的指甲是用粉色指甲油涂得完美无瑕，还是光光的毫无修饰，男性都一概视而不见。U5para20;21;2620HavinglistenedtobothChineseandEnglish,I'msuspiciousofcomparisonsbetweenthetwolanguages,asInoticethereciprocalchallengestheyeachpresent.EnglishspeakerssayChineseisextremelydifficultbecausedifferentwordscanbedenotedbyverysubtlevariationsintone.Englishisoftenbracketedwiththelabelofinconsistency,alanguageoftoomanybrokenrules.20由于一直同时听着中英文两种语言，故而我对它们之间的任何对比总是心存怀疑，因为我注意到它们各自都有对方所没有的难点。说英文的人会认为中文极其难，因为中文用非常微妙的声调变化就可以表示不同的词语。而英文则常常被认为缺乏一致性，因为英文具有太多不合规则的用法。21Evenmoredangerous,inmyview,isthetemptationtoviewthegulfbetweendifferentlanguagesandbehaviorintranslation.TolistentomymotherspeakEnglish,anoutsidespectatormightmakethedeductionthatshehasnoconceptofthetemporaldifferencesofpastandfutureorthatsheisgenderblindbecauseshereferstomyhusbandasshe.Ifonewerenotcareful,onemightalsogeneralizethatallChinesepeopletakeanindirectroutetogettothepoint.Itis,rather,mymother'sindividualtendencytoornamentherlanguageandwanderaroundabit.21在我看来，更危险的做法是，人们往往倾向于通过翻译来理解不同语言和行为之间的差异。如果一个旁观的外人听我母亲说英语，可能会得出结论，说她对过去和将来这样的时间区别没有概念，或者认为她对人的性别不加区分，因为她提到我丈夫时总是说“她”。如果一个人对此类现象不假思虑，他也许还会概括说，所有中国人都是通过委婉迂回的方式才能说到话题重点的。而实际上喜欢修饰和绕弯子只是我母亲个人的说话风格。26Theseremarksarenotrepresentativeofnewideas,honestemotions,orconsideredthought.Likeapieceofbread,theyareonlythecrustoftheinteraction,orwhatissaidfromthepolitedistanceofsocialcontexts:greetings,farewells,convenientexcuses,andthelike.Thisgeneralization,therefore,isnotatruecompositeofChineseculturebutonlyastereotypeofourexteriorbehavior.26这些话不能表达什么新观点，也不能传达什么真实的情感或深思熟虑的想法。它们就像一片面包，只是人们交往中最表层的东西，或社交场合下出于礼貌而说的一些话：问候、道别、顺口的托词，诸如此类。由此看来，那些对中国人的概括性评价并非是对中国文化成分的真实描述，而仅仅是对我们外在行为的一种成见而已U6para4;84Theseweren'ttheonlydestiniesofmen,asIlearnedfromhavingafewmaleteachers,fromreadingbooksandfromwatchingtelevision.Butthemenontelevision—thenewscommentators,thelawyers,thedoctors,thepoliticianswholeviedthetaxesandthebosseswhogaveorders—seemedasremoteandunrealtomeasthefiguresinoldpaintings.IcouldnomoreimaginegrowinguptobecomeoneofthesesophisticatedpeoplethanIcouldimaginebecomingasovereignprince.4这些并非男人们唯一的归宿，我从曾经有过的几位男教师、从看书及看电视中认识到了这一点。但是，那些上电视的男人们——新闻评论员、律师、医生、课征税款的政治家及发号施令的老板们——在我看来就像古老绘画上的人像，遥远而不真实。我不能想象自己长大会变成这些精明世故的人中的一员，就像我无法想象自己能变成一个权力至高无上的国君一样。8WhenthewomenImetatcollegethoughtaboutthejoysandprivilegesofmen,theydidn'tseethesortofmenIhadknown.Thesedaughtersofprivileged,Republicanmenwantedtoinherittheirfathers'powerandlordshipovertheworld.Theylongedforasayovertheirfuture.ButsodidI.Thedifferencebetweenmeandthesedaughterswasthattheysawme,becauseofmysex,asdestinedfrombirthtobecomeliketheirfathers,andthereforeasanenemytotheirdesires.ButIknewbetter.Iwasn'tanenemytotheirdesires,infactorinfeeling.Iwasanallyintheirrebellion.IfIhadknown,then,howtotellthemso,orhowtobeamediator,wouldtheyhavebelievedme?Wouldtheyhaveknown?8当我在大学里遇到的那些女子们想到男人的享乐和特权时，她们并没有见过我以前认识的那些男人。这些特权阶层的、共和党男人的女儿们渴望继承她们父亲的权力和凌驾世界的贵族身份。她们渴望能对自己的未来拥有发言权。而我也渴望这样。我和