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1Lesson2CommunicationAcrossCulturesTextAMisunderstandingOtherCulturesThereisafolktalethatcomestousfromthefoothillsoftheHimalayas.Amanwastryingtoexplaintoablindfriendwhatcolorsare.Hebeganwiththecolorwhite.“Well,”hesaid,“itislikesnowonthehills.”“Oh,”theblindmansaid,“thenitmustbeawetanddampishsortofcolor,isn’tit?No,no,”themansaid,“itisalsothesamecolorascottonorwool.”“Ohyes,Iunderstand.Itmustbeafluffycolor.”“No,itisalsolikepaper.”“Thenitmustbeacracklingorfragilecolor,”saidtheblindman.“No,notatall.Itisalsolikechina.”Itisverydifficultforpeopletounderstandoneanotheriftheydonotsharethesameexperiences.Ofcourse,weallsharetheexperienceofbeinghuman,buttherearemanyexperienceswhichwedonotshareandwhicharedifferentforallofus.Itisthesedifferentexperiencesthatmakeupwhatiscalled“culture”inthesocialsciences—thehabitsofeverydaylife,thecuestowhichpeoplerespond,theautomaticreactionstheyhavetowhatevertheyseeandhear.Theseoftendiffer,andthedifferencesmayinducemisunderstandingswhereweseekunderstanding.2Attheverybeginningofaculturalexchangeprogram,aFrenchvisitorcametotheUnitedStates.HesaidtoanAmericanfriend,“Whyaren’tyouAmericansmorefrankwithus?”TheAmericansaid,“Why?Whatdoyoumean?”TheFrenchmansaid,“Youtellusthatyouareforfreeenterprise,butIhavebeentravelingthroughouttheUnitedStatesandIhaveseenthatpracticallyalltheproduction—alltheplantsandfactories—arenationalized.”TheFrenchman’sassumptionarosefromthefactthatinFranceonlybuildingsbelongingtotheFrenchgovernmentflytheFrenchflag.WhattheFrenchmananalyzedwasnottheimmediateperception.Heanalyzedtheeconomicsystem,andwhathesawheevaluatedinhisownway.Misinterpretationsofthistypecantakeplaceatavarietyoflevels.Theycantakeplaceatthelevelofunderstanding,atthelevelofideasorvalues,andsometimesattheleveloffeelings.Themostseriousarethosethattakeplaceattheleveloffeelings.Veryoftenmisunderstandingsatthislevelcomenotfromillwill,butfromgoodwill.Sometimeswehurtanotherperson’sfeelingswithoutwantingtodoitandwithoutknowingthatwearedoingit.Hereisanexample.AyoungJapanesestudentcametotheUnitedStates,andhewasoverwhelmedbythecordialreceptionhewasgiven.Hesaid,“TheAmericanpeoplearewonderful.Theyaresowarm,so3friendly—muchbeyondmyexpectations.”SometimelateritwastoldthatwhiletravelingintheWest,thissameyoungmanhadhaddinnerwithanAmericanfamilyandhadremarkedthathegreatlyadmiredthecountry’sefficiency,organization,andaccomplishment.But,hesaid,therewasonethinghewouldneverquiteunderstand,andthatwaswhyAmericansweresocold,sodistant.Hishostwasdeeplyhurt,andthevisitendedonabitofasournote.Thepointhereisthatboththefirstandlaststatementsbytheyoungmanaretypical.Veryoften,uponarrivalintheUnitedStatesmanyforeignvisitorsareastonishedbythewarmthandfriendlinessoftheAmericanpeople.Butoftenafterafewmonthstheybegintofeelhomesickandlonely,andtheyblametheAmericansforcausingthesefeelingsbybeingcold.Now,whyisthis?Ibelieveitissimplyaquestionofdifferentrhythms.Americanshaveonerhythmintheirpersonalandfamilyrelations,intheirfriendlinessandtheircharities.Peoplefromothercultureshavedifferentrhythms.TheAmericanrhythmisfast.Itischaracterizedbyarapidacceptanceofothers.However,itisseldomthatAmericansengagethemselvesentirelyinafriendship.Theirfriendshipsarewarm,buttheyarecasual—andtheyarespecialized.ByspecializedImean,forexample,youhaveaneighborwhodropsbyinthemorningforcoffee.Youseeherfrequently,butyouneverinviteherfordinner—notbecause4youdon’tthinkshecouldhandleaforkandaknife,butbecauseyouhaveseenherthatmorning.Therefore,youreserveyourmoreformalinvitationtodinnerforsomeonewholivesinamoredistantpartofthecityandwhomyouwouldnotseeunlessyouextendedaninvitationforaspecialoccasion.Now,ifthefirstfriendmovesawayandthesecondonemovesnearby,youarelikelytoreversethis—seethesecondfriendinthemorningsforinformalcoffeemeetings,andthefirstonemoreformallyfordinner.Insomeculturesfriendshipmeansastronglife-longbondbetweentwopeople.Intheseculturesfriendshipsdevelopslowly,sincetheyarebuilttolast.ButpeopleinAmericansocietyseemtobemuchmoremobile.StudiesshowthatoneoutoffiveAmericanfamiliesmoveseveryyear.ThereforeAmericanfriendshipsdevelopquickly,andtheymaychangejustasquickly.Besides,peopleare,inotherwords,guidedveryoftenbytheirownconvenience.Americansmakefriendseasily,andtheydon’tfeelitnecessarytogotoagreatamountoftroubletoseefriendsoftenwhenitbecomesinconvenienttodoso.Nomatterhowmuchtheylikeyou,theymaynotcometoseeyouforyearsifitisinconvenient.InAmericansociety,usuallynooneishurtbyit.Butinsimilarcircumstancespeoplefrommanyothercultureswouldbehurtverydeeply.Itisonlywhenweassumethatotherpeopledoaswedoandthey5assumethatwedoastheydothatfeelingsarehurt.Often,forexample,foreignvisitorsfeelthattheAmericanfamilysystemshowsthemtobecoldheartedandthattheytreattheirparentsbadly.Theirparentsdon’tlivewiththem.Therearen’tthreeorfourgenerationsinthehousehold;nocousins,noauntsshareourhomes.Thefactis,ofcourse,thatAmericansaren’tcold;theyjustdothingsdifferently.Theyprizeindependence.MostparentsintheUnitedStatesdon’twanttolivewiththeiradultchildren.Thisquestionalsoleadstoapointofvalues.Weoftenassumethat