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1Unit7TheJoyofTravelTransformativeTravelTwenty-fiveyearsagoIfeltlikeawreck.AlthoughIwasjust23,mylifealreadyseemedover.ThefutureappearedasmuchlikeawastelandastheemptinessIcouldseewhilelookingbacktothepast.Ifeltlost,withoutchoices,withouthope.IwasstuckinajobIhatedandtrappedinanengagementwithawomanIdidn'tlove.Atthetime,bothcommitmentsseemedlikeagoodidea,butIsupposeitwasthefantasyofbeingasuccessful,marriedbusinessmanthatappealedtomefarmorethanthereality.Idecidedtotakeaclassjustfortheentertainmentvalue.Ithappenedtobeanintroductorycounselingcourse,onethatinvolvedpersonalsharinginthegroup.Wewerechallengedtomakecommitmentspubliclyaboutthingswewouldliketochangeinourlives,andinamomentofpureimpulsiveness,IdeclaredthatbythenextclassmeetingIwasgoingtoquitmyjobandendmyengagement.AfewdayslaterIfoundmyselfunemployedandunattached,excitedbythefreedom,yetterrifiedaboutwhattodonext.Ineededsomekindoftransitionfrommyoldlifetoanewone,asortofritualthatwouldhelpmetotransformmyselffromonepersonintoanother.SoIdidsomethingjustasimpulsiveasmypreviousactions:IbookedatripforaweekinAruba.Inspiteofwhatothersmighthavethought,Iwasnotrunningawayfromsomethingbuttosomething.Iwantedacleanbreak,andIknewIneededtogetawayfrommyusualenvironmentandinfluencessoastothinkclearlyaboutwhereIwasheaded.OncesettledintomyroomonthelittleislandofAruba,Ibeganmyprocessofself-change.IreallycouldhavebeenanywhereaslongasnobodycouldreachmebyphoneandIhadthepeaceandquiettothinkaboutwhatIwantedtodo.Ispentthemorningsgoingforlongwalksonthebeach,theafternoonssittingundermyfavoritetree,readingbooksandlisteningtotapes.Probablymostimportantofall,Iforcedmyselftogetoutofmyroomandgotomeetpeople.Ordinarilyshy,InowdecidedthatIwassomeonewhowasperfectlycapableofhavingaconversationwithanyoneIchose.Sincenobodyknewtherealme,thewayIhadalwaysbeen,Ifeltfreetobecompletelydifferent.Ittookmealmostayeartopayoffthattrip,butIamconvincedthatmysingleweekinArubawasworththreeyearsintherapy.Thattripstartedanumberofprocessesthathelpedmetotransformmyself.ThisishowIdidit:Icreatedamindsetthatmademereadyforchange.Iexpectedthatbigthingswere2onthehorizon,thatatripsuchasthiscouldchangemylife.IbelievedwithallmyheartthatIcouldchange,ifonlyIcouldfindaquietplacetosortthingsoutandexperimentwithnewwaysofthinkingandacting.Iinsulatedmyselffromtheusualinfluencesinmylifeandthepeoplewhoseapprovalwasmostimportant.Oneofthereasonsthattherapyoftentakessolongisthat,onceyouleavethesafetyandsupportofasession,youreentertheworldwherefamiliarpeopleelicitthefamiliarreactions.Byseparatingmyselffromothers'approvalandinfluences,IwasabletothinkmoreclearlyaboutwhatIreallywanted.Istructuredmytimeinordertoproducechangeandgrowth.Solitude,isolation,ornewenvironmentsinthemselvesarenotenough;youmustalsocompletetasksthatarerelaxingandeducational.Themostimportantpartofanytherapyisnotwhatyouunderstandorwhatyoutalkabout,butwhatyoudo.Insightwithoutactionisentertainingbutnotalwayshelpful.Insteadofreadingnovelsandcallinghomeregularly,Itookthetimetoparticipateindifferentactivitiesthatwouldmakemechange.Ipushedmyselftoexperimentwithnewwaysofbeing.Isampledalternativelifestylesandpretendedtobeadifferentperson.Iactedinunfamiliarwaysjusttoseehowitfelt.WhateverIwouldusuallydoinvariouscircumstances,Iforcedmyselftodotheopposite.Thisreinforcedtheideathatanythingwaspossible,thatIcoulddoanythingIwanted.ImadepubliccommitmentsofwhatIintendedtodosoitwouldbehardertobackdown.ThereweretimeswhenIwantedtoavoiddoingthosethingsIfoundmostfrightening.Untilthistrip,Ihadnevertraveledtoastrangeplacedeliberatelyalone.WheneverIthoughtabouttakingsaferoutes,IimaginedthatIwouldsoonhavetofacemyclassmatesandthatIwouldhavetoexplainmyactionstothem.Iprocessedmyexperiencessystematically.IwroteinajournaleachdayandspoketopeopleImetaboutwhatIwasdoingandwhy.WhenIreturned,ItalkedtoseveralpeopleItrustedaboutwhathadtakenplace.EachofthemofferedadifferentperspectivethatIvaluedandfoundusefulinincorporatingtheexperienceintomylife.ImadechangeswhenIreturnedthatcontinuedthetransformationthatstartedwhileIwasinAruba.Itiseasiertomakechangeswhenyouareawayfromhomethantomaintainthechangesafteryoureturn.TomakesureIdidn'tslipbackintooldpatterns,Iimmediatelymadenewdecisionsaboutmyworkandmyrelationshipsthatkeptmemovingforward.Idecidedthatmuchofmyfuturetravelingwouldhavesometransformativedimensiontoit.Althoughitispossibletomakeextraordinaryprogressinasingleweek,3transformativechangetakesplaceoveralifetime.IpromisedmyselfthatIwouldmakeothertripsfromtimetotimeinordertocontinuemygrowth.新生之旅25年前我感觉自己成了废物。尽管那时我只有23岁，但我的生活似乎到了尽头。我的未来看起来好似荒漠，就像回顾过去时，看到的是一片空虚。我感到迷茫，毫无选择余地，毫无希望可言。我当时被困在两件事中：做着一份我憎恨的工作，并与一个我并不爱的女人订有婚约。当初，两个承诺都好像是不错的主意，但是我想吸引我的只是成为一个成功的已婚商人的幻想，而远非现实。我决定进修一门课程，仅仅为了好玩而已。这刚好是一门咨询入门课程，需要个人参与到集体中去。（这门课程）要求我们对生活中要进行的变动做出公开承诺。出于一时冲动，我宣布在下次上课之前，我会辞去工作并解除婚约。几天后，我失业了，也解除了婚约，为获得的自由而兴奋，但又因为不知道下一步做什么而惶恐。我需要某种从旧生活到新生活的转变，一种有助于我从一种人转型为另一种人的（必不可少的）程序。于是我做了一件与我前面的行为同样冲动的事情：我预定了到阿鲁巴岛为期一周的旅行。不管别人会有什么样的想法，但是我并不是在逃避现实，而是在追求未来。我想有一个彻底的决裂，而且我知道我需要离开自己熟悉的环境，摆脱原来的影响，以便考虑清楚自己将何去何从。在阿鲁巴小岛上的房间里一安顿下来，我就开始了自我改变的进程。其实只要没人能打电话找到我没让我能平静