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1Unit1TheHiddenSideofHappiness1Hurricanes,housefires,cancer,whitewaterraftingaccidents,planecrashes,viciousattacksindarkalleyways.Nobodyasksforanyofit.Buttotheirsurprise,manypeoplefindthatenduringsuchaharrowingordealultimatelychangesthemforthebetter.Theirrefrainmightgosomethinglikethis:Iwishithadn'thappened,butI'mabetterpersonforit.1飓风、房屋失火、癌症、激流漂筏失事、坠机、昏暗小巷遭歹徒袭击，没人想找上这些事儿。但出人意料的是，很多人发现遭受这样一次痛苦的磨难最终会使他们向好的方面转变。他们可能都会这样说:“我希望这事没发生，但因为它我变得更完美了。”2Welovetohearthestoriesofpeoplewhohavebeentransformedbytheirtribulations,perhapsbecausetheytestifytoabonafidetypeofpsychologicaltruth,onethatsometimesgetslostamidendlessreportsofdisaster:Thereseemstobeabuilt-inhumancapacitytoflourishunderthemostdifficultcircumstances.Positiveresponsestoprofoundlydisturbingexperiencesarenotlimitedtothetoughestorthebravest.Infact,roughlyhalfthepeoplewhostrugglewithadversitysaythattheirlivessubsequentlyinsomewaysimproved.2我们都爱听人们经历苦难后发生转变的故事，可能是因为这些故事证实了一条真正的心理学上的真理，这条真理有时会湮没在无数关于灾难的报道中:在最困难的境况中，人所具有的一种内在的奋发向上的能力会进发出来。对那些令人极度恐慌的经历作出积极回应的2并不仅限于最坚强或最勇敢的人。实际上，大约半数与逆境抗争过的人都说他们的生活从此在某些方面有了改善。3Thisandotherpromisingfindingsaboutthelife-changingeffectsofcrisesaretheprovinceofthenewscienceofpost-traumaticgrowth.Thisfledglingfieldhasalreadyprovedthetruthofwhatoncepassedasbromide:Whatdoesn'tkillyoucanactuallymakeyoustronger.Post-traumaticstressisfarfromtheonlypossibleoutcome.Inthewakeofeventhemostterrifyingexperiences,onlyasmallproportionofadultsbecomechronicallytroubled.Morecommonly,peoplerebound-oreveneventuallythrive.3诸如此类有关危机改变一生的发现有着可观的研究前景，这正是创伤后成长这一新学科的研究领域。这一新兴领域已经证实了曾经被视为陈词滥调的一个真理:大难不死，意志弥坚。创伤后压力绝不是唯一可能的结果。在遭遇了即使最可怕的经历之后，也只有一小部分成年人会受到长期的心理折磨。更常见的情况是，人们会恢复过来—甚至最终会成功发达。4Thosewhoweatheradversitywellarelivingproofoftheparadoxesofhappiness.Weneedmorethanpleasuretolivethebestpossiblelife.Ourcontemporaryquestforhappinesshasshriveledtoahuntforbliss-alifeprotectedfrombadfeelings,freefrompainandconfusion.4那些经受住苦难打击的人是有关幸福悖论的生动例证:为了尽可能地过上最好的生活，我们所需要的不仅仅是愉悦的感受。我们这3个时代的人对幸福的追求已经缩小到只追求福气:一生没有烦恼，没有痛苦和困惑。5Thisanodynedefinitionofwell-beingleavesoutthebetterhalfofthestory,therich,fulljoythatcomesfromameaningfullife.Itisthedarkmatterofhappiness,theineffablequalityweadmireinwisemenandwomenandaspiretocultivateinourownlives.Itturnsoutthatsomeofthepeoplewhohavesufferedthemost,whohavebeenforcedtocontendwithshockstheyneveranticipatedandtorethinkthemeaningoftheirlives,mayhavethemosttotellusaboutthatprofoundandintenselyfulfillingjourneythatphilosophersusedtocallthesearchforthegoodlife.5这种对幸福的平淡定义忽略了问题的主要方面—种富有意义的生活所带来的那种丰富、完整的愉悦。那就是幸福背后隐藏的那种本质—是我们在明智的男男女女身上所欣赏到并渴望在我们自己生活中培育的那种不可言喻的品质。事实证明，一些遭受苦难最多的人—他们被迫全力应付他们未曾预料到的打击，并重新思考他们生活的意义—或许对那种深刻的、给人以强烈满足感的人生经历(哲学家们过去称之为对“美好生活”的探寻)最有发言权。6Thisbroaderdefinitionofgoodlivingblendsdeepsatisfactionandaprofoundconnectiontoothersthroughempathy.Itisdominatedbyhappyfeelingsbutseasonedalsowithnostalgiaandregret.Happinessisonlyoneamongmanyvaluesinhumanlife,contendsLauraKing,a4psychologistattheUniversityofMissouriinColumbia.Compassion,wisdom,altruism,insight,creativity-sometimesonlythetrialsofadversitycanfosterthesequalities,becausesometimesonlydrasticsituationscanforceustotakeonthepainfulprocessofchange.Toliveafullhumanlife,atranquil,carefreeexistenceisnotenough.Wealsoneedtogrow-andsometimesgrowinghurts.6这种对美好生活的更为广泛的定义把深深的满足感和一种通过移情与他人建立的深切联系融合在一起。它主要受愉悦情感的支配，但同时也夹杂着惆怅和悔恨。密苏里大学哥伦比亚分校的心理学家劳拉.金认为:“幸福仅仅是许许多多人生价值中的一种。”慈悲、智慧、无私、洞察力及创造力—有时只有经历逆境的考验才能形成这些品质，因为有时只有极端的情形才能迫使我们去承受痛苦的改变过程。只过安宁的、无忧无虑的生活是不足以体验一段完整的人生的。我们也需要成长-尽管有时成长是痛苦的。7InadarkroominQueens,NewYork,31-year-oldfashiondesignerTracyCyrbelievedshewasdying.Afewmonthsbefore,shehadstoppedtakingthepowerfulimmune-suppressingdrugsthatkeptherarthritisincheck.Sheneveranticipatedwhatwouldhappen:awithdrawalreactionsthateventuallyleftherintotalbodyagonyandneurologicalmeltdown.Theslightestmovement-tryingtoswallow,fqrexample-wasexcruciating.Eventhepressureofhercheekonthepillowwasalmostunbearable.57在纽约市皇后区一间漆黑的房间里，31岁的时装设计师特蕾西?塞尔感到自己奄奄一息。就在几个月前，她已经停止服用控制她关节炎的强效免疫抑制药。她从没预见到接下来将要发生的事:停药之后的反应最终使她全身剧烈疼痛，神经系统出现严重问题。最轻微的动作—比如说试着吞咽—对她来说也痛苦不堪。甚至将脸压在枕头上也几乎难以忍受。8Cyrisnowimp-diagnosedwithjuvenilerheumatoidarthritisattheageoftwo,shehadenduredthesymptomsandthetreatments(drugs,surgery)herwholelife.Butthistime,shewasway6pastherlimits,andnothingherdoctorsdidseemedtohelp.Eitherthediseasewasgoingtokillheror,prettysoon,shefeltshemighthavetokillherself.8塞尔并不是懦弱的人。她在两岁时就被诊断得了幼年型类风湿性关节炎，一生都在忍受着病症和治疗(药物、手术)的折磨。但是这一次，她实在不堪忍受了，她的医生所做的一切似乎都不起作用。要么让疾病结束她的生命，要么她就得很快了结自己的生命了。9Ashersleeplessnightsworeon,though,hersuicidalthoughtsbegantobeinterruptedbynewfeelingsofgratitude.Shewasstillinagony,butanewconsciousnessgrewstrongereachnight:anawesomesenseofliberation,combinedwithanall-encompassingfeelingofsympathyandcompassion.IfeltstrippedofeverythingI'deveridentifiedmyselfwith,shesaidsixmonthslater.EverythingIthoughtI'dknownorbelievedin6wasuseless-time,money,self-image,perception.Recognizingthatwassofreeing.9然而，在经历了若干个不眠之夜后，她想自杀的念头开始被新的感激之情所打断。虽然她仍然感到痛苦，但一种新的意识每一夜都变得更加强烈:一种令人惊叹的解脱感，结合着一种包容一切的同情和怜悯的情感。“我感到一切我曾经用来认同自己身份的东西都被剥夺了，”六个月后她这样