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ModernFamily/Episode1Season3Kids,breakfast!Kids?Phil,wouldyougetthemYeah,justasecThatisso-Kids,getdownhere!WhyareyouguysyellingatusWhenwe'rewayupstairs,justtextmeAllright,that'snotgonnahappen,and,wow,you'renotwearingthatoutfitWhat'swrongwithit-Honey,doyouhaveanythingtosaytoyourdaughteraboutherskirtSorryOhyeah,thatlooksreallycute,sweetheart!Thanks!-No,it'swaytooshort,peopleknowyou'reagirlyoudon'tneedtoproveittothemLukegothisheadstuckinthebanisteragainIgotitWhere'sthebabyoil-It'sonourbedsidetabIdon'tknow,finditComeon!IwasoutofcontrolgrowingupThere,youknow,IsaiditIjustdon'twantmykidstomakethesamebadmistakesImadeIfHayleyneverwakesuponabeachinFlorida,half-nakedI'vedonemyjobOURjob-RightI'vedoneourjobThatwasapenalty!Gloria,they're0and6,let'stakeitdownanotchWe'reverydifferentHe'sfromthecityHehasbigbusinessIcomefromasmallvillageVerypoor,butvery,verybeautifulIt'sthenumberonevillageinnorthColumbiaforallthewhat'stheword-MurdersYes,themurdersManny,stophim!Damnit,Manny!Comeon,coach!You'vegottatakethatkidout!YouwannatakehimoutHowaboutItakeyouout!Honey,honeyWhydon'tyouworryaboutyourson!He'dspendthefirsthalfwithhishandsinhispants!IwantedtotellherthatforthelastsixweeksI'mJosh,Brian'sdad-Hi,I'mGloriaPritchettManny'smotherOh,thismustbeyourdadHerdadUh,no,no,that'sfunnyActually,noI'mherhusbandDon'tbefooledbytheuhGivemeasecondhereActuallyno,I'mherhusband!Don'tbefooledbytheGivemeasecondhereShe'sadorable!-Oh,thankyou!Hi,Precious-HelloWe'vejustadoptedherfromVietnamandwe'rebringingherhomeforthefirsttimeShe'sanangelYouandyou'rewifemustbethrilled!Sorry,sorry,sorry,daddyneededsnacksSo,whatarewetalkingaboutWehavebeentogetherforfiveyearsnowAndwedecidedwereallywantedtohaveababyso,weinitiallyaskedoneofourlesbianfriendstobeasurrogateThenwefigured,they'realreadymeanenough,canyouimagineoneofthempregnantNo,thankyouYousawthatrightEverybodyfondinguptoLillian,thenyouwalkonandsuddenlyit'sallI'mgonnagiveaspeech-Youarenotgivingaspeechyougonnastuckwiththispeopleforthenextfivehours!-You'reright,it'sokay,I'msorryHoney,lookatthatbabywiththosecreampuffsOkay,excusemeButthisbabywouldbegrowingupinacrowdedorphanageifitwasn'tforuscreampuffsandyouknowwhat,toallofyouwhojudge,hearthis,loveknowsnorace,creedorgenderandshameonyou!Yousmallminded,ignorantfe-Mitchell-WhatShe'sgotthecreampuffsWewouldliketopayforeveryone'sheadsetsMODERNFAMILYSEASON1EPISODE1Buddy,whydoyoukeepgettingstuklikethisIcangetoutthistimeI'mjustgonnasayitheneedstobecheckedbyaspecialistThere!Befree,Excalibur!I'mhavingafriendovertoday-WhoYoudon'tknowhim-HimOoh,aboy!Yougonnakisshim-ShutupLuke,Alex,whydon'tyoutakeitoutside,okay-AnddowhatFightingason,itwouldbeanicechangeI'mkidding!Who'stheboy-HisnameisDylanImightaswelljusttellhimnottocome,becauseyouguysarejustgoingtoembarrassmeagainHangonasecond,you'refifteen,it'sthefirsttimeyou'vehadaboyoverI'mboundtobealittlesuprised,butWe'renotgonnaembarrassyou!I'dbettergochargethecamcorderI'mkidding!Comeon!WhoareyoutalkingtoI'macooldadThat'smythangIsurftheweb,ItextLOL,LaughOutLoud,OMG,OhMyGodWTF,WhyTheFaceYouknow,IknowallthedancestoHighSchoolMusical,soMOM!DAD!-WhathappendLukejustshotme!-Ididn'tmeanto!Areyouokay-No,thelittlebitchshotme!Language!They'reonlyplasticbb's!Itwasanaccident!WhatdidItellyouwhathappenedifyougothimagunDealwiththis!BuddyUncoolThat'sitNo,theagreementwasthatifheshootssomeoneyoushoothimWewereseriousaboutthatYes,wewereandnowyouhavetofollowthroughI'msosorry!-LiarGo!-He'sgotabirthdaypartyWhat'smoreimportandhere,dadYoucanshoothimafterwards,he'llbehomeattwo-Ican'tshoothimattwo,showingourhouseattwoWhataboutthreeNo,he'satasoccergameatthree,andthenOh,wegottaleaveforthatdinnerthinginfive-Yeah,IguessthatworksformeShootLuke-Sorrydude,it'sonthecalendarOh,comeon!I'mquittingsoccer,itisagameforchildrenNo,you'renotquittingYouwould'vestoppedthatgoalifyouweren'tstaringatthatlittlegirlSheisnotagirl,sheisawomanYouknowGloria,thatblowupwiththatothermom,whydoyouhavetodothingslikethatIfsomeonesaissomthingaboutmyfamily,I'mgoingto-I'mjustsayingyoucouldtakeitdownherealittlebit-Wellyeah,butthat'swhenyoulivedownherebutIliveuphere!Youdon'thavetobesoemotionalallthetime,that'sallI'msayingManny,you'rewithmeonthis,right-IwannatellBrendaFeldmanIloveherOh,forGod'ssakeHoney,she's16-Oh,it'sokayforyoutotakeanotherloverWatchit!IwanttogotothemallwheresheworksButfirstweneedtogetmywhiteshirt,thesilkoneOkay,ifthat'swhatyoureallywanttodoSeriously,nottobetheevilstepdad,butifyouputonapuffywhiteshirtanddeclareyourlovefora16-year-oldyou'regonnabeswingingfromtheflagpoleinyourpuffywhiteunderpants!Stopthecar!WhereyougoingYouhurthisfeelings-Well,ifittoughenshimupalittlebit,thenoh,jeez,he'spickingflowers!Mannyisverrypassionate,justlikehisfatherMyfirsthusbandisveryhandsome,buttoocrazyItseemedlikeallwhatwedidwasfightandmakeloveOnetime,I'mnotkiddingyou,wefelloutofthewindowtogetherWhichonewereyoudoingI'mhearingthisforthefirsttime!Thisdoesn'tworryyouShebarelysleptintheplane,andshe'sstilwideawake-Oh,stopworrying!Thatorphanage,itwasallwomanMaybeshecan'tfallasleepunlessshefeelsawoman'sshapeIguessthat'spossibl