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YourCollegeYearsHaveyoueverconsideredthechangesthataretakingplaceandwilltakeplaceinyourlifeasacollegestudent?Hasiteveroccurredtoyouthatyourprofessorsandotherschoolpersonnelhavecertaingoalsforyourgrowthandmaturityduringyourcollegeyears?Hasiteverdawnedonyouthatcertaindevelopmentalchangeswilloccurinyourlifeasyoumovefromadolescencetoyoungadulthood?Thoughcollegestudentsseldomthinkaboutthem,keychangeswillprobablyhappentothemduringtheircollegeyears.Duringthistime,studentsaregoingthroughanidentitycrisisandareendeavoringtofindoutwhotheyareandwhattheirstrengthsandweaknessesare.Theyhave,ofcourse,plentyofboth.Itisimportanttoknowhowpeopleperceivethemselvesaswellashowotherpeopleperceivethem.AccordingtoPiersandLandau,inanarticlediscussingthetheoriesofErikH.EricksoninInternationalEncyclopediaofSocialScience(1979),identityisdeterminedbygeneticendowment(whatisinheritedfromparents),shapedbyenvironment,andinfluencedbychanceevents.Peopleareinfluencedbytheirenvironmentand,inturn,influencetheirenvironment.Howpeopleseethemselvesinbothrolesisunquestionablyapartoftheiridentity.Whilestudentsaregoingthroughanidentitycrisis,theyarebecomingindependentfromtheirparents,yetareprobablystillverydependentonthem.Thisindependence/dependencestruggleisverymuchapartofthelateradolescencestage.Infact,itmaybeheightenedbytheirchoicetopursueacollegeeducation.Immediatelyaftergraduatingfromhighschool,somegraduateschoosetoentertheworkworld.Asaresultofthischoice,theymaybecomefinanciallyindependentfromtheirparents.Butcollegestudentshavechosentogrowandlearnnewskillsthattakeyearstodevelop,sotheyprobablyneedatleastsomedegreeofdependenceontheirparents.InhisApril1984article“PsychologicalSeparationofLateAdolescentsfromTheirParents”intheJournalofCounselingPsychology,JefferyA.Hoffmanobservedthattherearefourdistinctaspectstopsychologicalseparationfromone’sparents.First,thereisfunctionalindependence,whichinvolvesthecapabilityofindividualstotakecareofpracticalandpersonalaffairs,suchashandlingfinances,choosingtheirownwardrobes,anddeterminingtheirdailyagenda.Second,thereisattitudinalindependence,whichmeansthatindividualslearntoseeandacceptthedifferencebetweentheirownattitudes,values,andbeliefsandthoseoftheirparents.Thethirdprocessofpsychologicalseparationisemotionalindependence.Hoffmandefinesthisprocessas“freedomfromanexcessiveneedforapproval,closeness,togetherness,andemotionalsupportinrelationtothemotherandfather.”Forexample,collegestudentswouldfeelfreetoselectthemajorthattheywanttopursuewithoutfeelingtheymusthaveparentalapproval.Fourthisfreedomfrom“excessiveguilt,anxiety,mistrust,responsibility,inhibition,resentment,andangerinrelationtothemotherandfather.”Collegestudentsneedtostandbackandseewheretheyareintheindependence/dependencestruggle.Probablyoneofthemoststressfulmattersforyoungcollegestudentsisestablishingtheirsexualidentity,whichincludesrelatingtotheoppositesexandprojectingtheirfuturerolesasmenandwomen.Eachmustdefineherorhissexualidentityinafeminineandmasculinerole.Theseareexcitingtimesyetfrustratingtimes.Probablynothingcanmakestudentsfeellowerorhigheremotionallythanthewaytheyarerelatingtowhomevertheyarehavingaromanticrelationshipwith.Forexample,whenIwasworkingwithayoungcollegestudent,hebouncedintomyofficeoncewithasmileonhisfaceandexcitementinhisvoice.Theyoungmandeclared,“I’vejusthadthebestdayofmylife!”Hewentontoexplainhowhehadmetanextraordinaryyoungwomanandhowthisrelationshipwasallhehaddreamedaromanticrelationshipshouldbe.Thatsameyoungmancameintomyofficelessthanaweeklater,dragginghisfeetwithadismayed,dejectedlookonhisface.Hesatdowninthesamechair,sigheddeeply,anddeclared,“I’vejusthadtheworstdayofmylife!”Heandtheyoungwomanhadjusthadanargument,andtheirrelationshipwasnolongergoingwell.Thus,thewaystudentsarerelatingtothoseoftheoppositesexhasadefiniteinfluenceontheiremotions.Atthesametime,theseyoungadultsarelearninghowtogiveandreceiveaffectionintheadultworld.Thisaspectofgrowthdealsnotonlywithinteractionwiththeoppositesexbutwithfriendsofbothsexesandallages.Astheygrowandreachyoungadulthood,thewaytheyrelatetootherschanges.Itisatimewhentheyasadultsshouldthinkabouthowtheyrelatetoandshowproperrespectforpeers,howtheyrelatetothechildrenandyoungadolescentsintheirlives,andhowtheyrelatetotheirparentsandshowthemaffection.Forexample,whenIwasagraduatestudentatSouthwesternBaptistTheologicalSeminary,IvisitedmyparentsafterIhadjustfinishedacourseincounseling.DuringthecourseIhadcometorealizethatwhilemyworldwasexpandingandnewoptionswereopeningforme,myfather,whowasinhissixties,wasseeinghisworldshrinkandhisoptionsnarrow.Duringmyvisithome,myfatherandIhadseveralconversationsinwhichwediscussedthecontentofmycourseandhowitappliedtoourlives.IfoundmyselfseeingmyfatherinadifferentwayandrelatingtohimasafriendwhomIcouldencourage.Iwasconsciouslyencouragingthemanwhoovertheyearshadencouragedme.Iwasrelatingtomyfatherinadifferentway.Anotherchangeforcollegestudentsisinternalizingtheirreligiousfaith,theirvalues,andtheirmorals.Sincebirth,oneormoreparentshavebeenmodelingforthemandteachingthemcertainbeliefs,