探索英语作文读后续写的艺术美:2020浙江宁波十校联考高三英语书面表达写作指导解读

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探索英语作文读后续写的艺术美:2020宁波十校联考英语写作指导原题重现阅读下面短文,根据所给情节进行续写,使之构成一个完整的故事。Itwasapeacefulnight.Iwassleepingwithmybrothers,feelingwarmandcomfortable.Mamawassleepingnearby,coveredbysnow.Papawassomewherenearby,watchingoverus.Therewasabrightmoonandwehadallhadagoodmealofvenison(鹿肉)Papahadcaughtearlier.“UncleLouisiscoming”,Papasaid.WelovedUncleLouis.Hewasafunnywolf,andalwayshadinterestingthingstotellusandshowus.Alittlewhilelater,UncleLouisappeared.WedidnotapproachhimwithrespectthewayweapproachedPapa.Weflewathim,jumpedalloverhim,androlledhiminthesnow.UncleLouislaughedandpatteduswithhispaws.Heisblackallover,withyelloweyes,andheisverytall.“It'sthelongestnightoftheyear”,UncleLouissaid,“Doeseveryonefeelliketakingarunthroughthewoods?Iwanttoshowyousomethingunusual.”Hearingthat,Papawarnedthatitwasdangeroustogonearthatpackofhumanswholivedinthewoods.“Theyarehardlydangerous”,UncleLouislaughed,“Theyaresoclumsyandmakesomuchnoise.Theyarenotabletogetnearus——orevenseeusifwedon'twantthemto.Besides,thisistheirspecialnight.Theyarequitepeacefulandwon'tbebotheringaboutwolves.”“Oh,please,Papa,letusrunthroughthewoodswithUncleLouisandseesomethingunusual!”Weallbegged.“Itisafinenight”,Papasmiled,“Imustadmit,Idofeellikerunning.”注意:1.所续写短文的词数应为150左右;2.至少使用5个短文中标有下划线的关键词语;3.续写部分分为两段,每段的开头语已为你写好;4.续写完成后,请用下划线标出你所使用的关键词语。Paragraph1Andwewereoff,allofus,headingtowardsthewoods.Paragraph2Westoppedandsatonahillsideandbelowuswasthehumans’place.分析故事人物Papa:humansaredangerousUncleLouis:afunnywolfMybrotherandI:neverseehumans环境Moon,star,winternight,peaceful主要情节Iwanttoshowyousomethingunusual.这个分析可以看出来:故事主旨应该是平和的,根据peaceful可以看出来,所以不适合写人和狼发生激烈的冲突。写作步骤一、抓主旨下的矛盾Conflict:findtheunusualthingSolution:celebratewiththehumans二、抓凸显矛盾解决的结尾结尾:以景结情,情景交融,呼应主题Thatunusualnight,theharmoniousnoise,Iremembered,wentoverthehillandfurthertothemoon.我记得那个不寻常的夜晚,这和谐的噪音越过树林,传得那么远,远到了月亮之上。主题词:unusual,moon三、抓主要动作:ActionandResponse一个故事的action尽量用3-5句概括,三句是最理想的,情节越简单,细节就越丰富。结合两段开头,我们可以猜测动作:Andwewereoff,allofus,headingtowardsthewoods.1、Wedashed.2、Wesawhumans.(看到人后,应该就要停下来,这样是衔接的)Westoppedandsatonahillsideandbelowuswasthehumans'place.3、Wejoinedintheiractivity.关键是最后一个action,如何实现?我想起了《和狼共舞》电影,邓巴围着篝火跳舞,一个人在野外,远处是一个狼静静看着。后来,这只狼成为他的好朋友。这个电影对我触动很大,人和狼不一定就必须是你死我活的零和博弈。另外《绿皮书》电影中的黑人走进酒吧弹琴,大家侧目静看,然后爆发雷鸣般掌声,让我写出了这样的结尾。有时候,我真的发现,多看经典电影,多思考导演为什么这样安排,对我们写作有很大的促进。四、抓环境描写和情感变化环境的描写重在景和情要完全融合,我这样安排:景色情感变化Themoonwashedthewoodsinagentlelight.Thestarstwinkledlikeachild’scuriouseyesblinkingwithanticipation.期待(anticipation)好奇(curious)Thechillingwindsuddenlysentwavesofnervousnesscoursingthroughme.紧张(nervous)Withthis,wespedup,thepiercingcrunchofthesnowunderourfeetripplingthroughtheairandsendingthebirdsflutteringamongthetrees.期待ButIndulgingintheirhappiness,mybrothercannothelphowling.开心(happy)Suddenly,totalsilencedescendedonthehillside.Allthehumanslookedatusinterror,andsodidus.恐惧(terror)Unexpectedly,aroaroflaughterbrokeoutandthenthecelebrationwentonmoreenthusiastically.开心说明:这个句子:Atthis,wespedup,thepiercingcrunchofthesnowunderourfeetripplingthroughtheairandsentthebirdscrashingthroughthetrees.我想到了李清照的词:常记溪亭日暮,沉醉不知归路。兴尽晚回舟,误入藕花深处。争渡,争渡,惊起一滩鸥鹭。汉语诗歌对写作也有很多启发,写景重在意境,心中有画,此为大美。景色描写对于月亮星星描写,我是直接把moon,star在各种大辞典里查,我认为词典里里的描写都是通俗易懂的,不至于高不可攀,具有普遍适应性。试水范文Andwewereoff,allofus,headingtowardsthewoods.Themoonwashedthewoodsinagentlelight.Thestarstwinkledlikeachild’scuriouseyesblinkingwithanticipation.Thechillingwindsuddenlysentwavesofnervousnesscoursingthroughme.“Arewegoingtomeetthedangeroushumans?”Ifeltmysoundquivering.“Relax.Weareseeingtheunusualthing.”UncleLouissmiled.Withthis,wespedup,thepiercingcrunchofthesnowunderourfeetripplingthroughtheairandsendingthebirdsflutteringamongthetrees.Shortly,abigbonfirecameintoview.Westoppedandsatonahillsideandbelowuswasthehumans'place.Now,notfaraway,aroundthebonfirearedancingmanyhumans,handinhand.Papawarnedusnottostartlethem.ButIndulgingintheirhappiness,mybrothercannothelphowling.Suddenly,totalsilencedescendedonthehillside.Allthehumanslookedatusinterror,andsodidus.Mybrother,notknowingwhathappenedatall,imitatedtheirdancingclumsily.Unexpectedly,aroaroflaughterbrokeoutandthenthecelebrationwentonmoreenthusiastically.Thatunusualnight,theharmoniousnoise,Iremembered,wentoverthehillandfurthertothemoon.官方范文是对故事作者的原文的删改,尤其是景色描写和结尾艺术非常值得细细感悟,请读者一定不要放过:官方答案Paragraph1Andwewereoff,allofus,headingtowardsthewoods.Itwasalmostmidnight.Thesnowfeltcrispyandcrunchyunderourfeet.Themoonshonesilveronmybrother'sfur,andthestarswereasbrightasdiamonds.Aswedashedthroughthewoods,webreathedthecoldairdeepintoourlungs,feelingrefreshed.WithPapaandUncleLouisleadingtheway,IfeltstrongandlightasthoughIcouldrunforever.Thenwesmelledsomethingnice.Paragraph2Westoppedandsatonahillsideandbelowuswasthehumans'place.ItwasthefirsttimemybrothersandIhadeverapproachedthosewoodenthings,which,accordingtoUncleLouis,weremadebyputtingpiecesofwoodtogether.Wedidn'tseeanyhumans,butwecouldhearthemsingingtogetherinsidethewoodenthingswithwarmlightshiningoutthroughtheholes.Itwaspeaceful.Ithought,“Eveniftheyaredangerous,theyareanimals,justlikeweare.”Thenwethrewbac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