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顾客：小心，你的大拇指在我汤里了服务员：别担心，先生，不是很烫！A:Watchout!Yourthumbsinmysoup!B:Don'tworrySirit'snotthathot!一个服务员给顾客拿来了牛排，大拇指在牛肉上。“你疯了吗？”顾客喊到，“你的手在我的牛排上！”“什么？”服务员说，“你想让它再掉地上？”Awaiterbringsthecustomerthesteakheorderedwithhisthumboverthemeat.A:Areyoucrazy?(yelledthecustomer),withyourhandonmysteak?(Whatanswersthewaiter)Youwantittofallontheflooragain?服务员：茶或咖啡？先生。第一个顾客：我要茶第二个顾客：我也是茶——杯子要干净的！服务员：两杯茶，哪个要干净的杯子？B:(Waiter:)Teaorcoffeegentlemen?A:I'llhavetea.C:(2ndcustomer:)Metoo-andbesuretheglassisclean!(Waiterexitsreturns)B:(Waiter:)Twoteas.Whichoneaskedforthecleanglass?创新句子：我坚持用干净杯子喝茶。服务员，这只苍蝇在我汤里干什么？看起来象是在仰泳，A:Waiterwhat'sthisflydoinginmysoup?Umlookstometobebackstrokesir...服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！别担心，先生，面包里的蜘蛛会干掉它。A:Waiterthere'saflyinmysoup!B:Don'tworrysirthespideronthebreadrollwillget'em.服务员，我汤里有只苍蝇！不是，先生，那是蟑螂，苍蝇在你牛排里。A:Waiterthere'saflyinmysoup!C:Nosirthat'sacockroachtheflyisonyoursteak.服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！别让别人看见，先生，要不别人都要。A:Waiterthere'saflyinmysoup!B:Keepitdownsirorthey'llallbewantingone.服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！我知道，先生，我们没有另收钱。A:Waiterthere'saflyinmysoup!C:ItsOKSirthere'snoextracharge!服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！对不起，先生，我弄走那三个时忘了这个。A:Waiterthereisaflyinmysoup!B:SorrysirmaybeI'veforgottenitwhenIremovedtheotherthree.服务员，汤里有只死苍蝇！是的，先生，是开水杀死了它们。A:Waiterthere'sadeadflyinmysoup!C:Yessirit'sthehotwaterthatkillsthem.话剧前半部分是荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本（Introduction）：Longagotherewasacrazycountry,inthiscrazycountrythereweresomecrazypeople,tryingtoshowthecrazyhistorybycrazyways.MrJingkewasthemostfamousswordsmanandwassenttokillkingofQing,“Yingzheng”.Butfinallyhefailed.Doyouwanttoknowwhathappenedatthattime?Okay,nextshowwilltellyouthetruth.ActionI太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror,mirror,tellme,whoisthemostprettymanintheworld?(画外音：It’syou,PrinceDan!太子丹高兴状)Thankumirror!（面对观众）I’mPrinceDan,themagicmirrorsaidIamthemostattractivemanintheworld.ButYingZhengisajealousguy,Ifeelhewillkillmeifmirrortoldhimthetruth.Iamsoscared.SowhatcanIdo?(向幕里大叫)Whereismyminister?阿三(毕恭毕敬):Honey,Iamcoming.太子丹：I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smartanddearestPrinceDan”!阿三：Sure,honey!Ihaveagoodidea.WecanfindaherotokillYingZheng~~~（作杀状）太子：Ohyeah~~~.Whatisthemostexpensivecommodityinthiscentury?Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状）Goodidea!Butwhoistherightcandidate?阿三：AfterscreeningIhavetwopromisingpersonsonhand.OneisMissLiMoChou,theotherisMrJinKe.TomorrowtheywillPKfortheNO1killeroftheworld.太子：Well,showmethewinnerassoonaspossible,OK?阿三：Yes.ActionII（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲AreyouLimochou?李莫愁Yes.荆轲OK.I’mJingke,youknow,IwillletyouknowIamthekingofthekillers’world.李莫愁Areyouchallengingme?荆轲Offcourse!耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁Comeon!音乐起两人冲上前来“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”李莫愁倒地荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状：Whathappened?Whyaren’tyouhurt?荆轲:Wedon\'tneedanyreasontowinaperson.Don\'twe?Dowe?（赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Mommaalwayssaid:\Lifeislikeaboxofchocolates,Mochou.Youneverknowwhatyou\'regonnaget.\Igotit,Mommaisright.荆轲再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：Howareyou?荆柯：Fine,thankyou,andyou?太子丹：OhmyGod!Couldyougivemeaninnovativeanswerto“Howareyou”?荆柯：Sure!太子丹：Howareyou?羊肉串和纳税人（英文小品）Characters:Mr.Shi,Xiaofu,DabaoMr.Shi:Taxisthemajorsourceofthefiscalrevenue.Thereisanevidentchangeabouttherelationshipbetweenthetaxcollectorandtaxpayerinthepast20years.Now,thetaxcollector,Xiaofu,andthetaxpayerDabao,avendorsellingYangrouchuanwillshowyoutheverychange.ThefirstActhappenedin1980s.ActI(inBazaarofBeijing,sanlihe,1980s)Dabao:Yangrouchuan,yangrouchuan,eatenone,wantnine,eatenone,wantnine.Hi,Takemyyangrouchuan.(slipped,takeitup,)Xiaofu:Tax!Paythetax!Dabao:(changefaces)Taxi?Whereisthetaxi?Here’snotaxi.Xiaofu:Tax!T---A---X!Dabao:What’sthetax?Ijustknowtaxi!Doyouwantmetocallataxiforyou?Taxi----!Taxi----!Xiaofu:Enough!Areyouthevendor?Dabao:No,No,No,no!I'mjusthavealook.Thevendorhasgonetothetoilet.Xiaofu:Notthevendor?Impossible!you'vebeenherefor2hours.Dabao:Really?(Xiaofu:Yes,ofcourse.)Howdoyouknowit?Xiaofu:ThewindowofmyofficeisopentohereandI'vebeenlookingatyoufortwohours.Dabao:It’sabigbug!Xiaofu:Oh.Don’twastemytime!Pleasepaythetax----10Yuan!Dabao:10yuan?!Mygod.Ihadjustearned20Yuanoneday!5Yuan,ok?Xiaofu:Don'tcheatme,you'vesoldmorethan2hundredones.Dabao:6yuan,mydearsisiter.7Yuan,mylovelybeauty.Dabao:Notforyou,notforme,let'ssplitthedifference.8yuan,ok?Xiaofu:(lookingaround)Allright,adeal.Butnoreceipt.(Dabaopayed8yuanandXiaofuleft)Dabao:Whatasmartwoman!Badluck!I’mbankrupt.Ihavetochangemyplace.HopeIwouldnotmeetheranymore!Let’sgo!ActIIMr.Shi:Thenextscenehappenedinnewcentury.Chinahadbeenmarchinginthewayofthemarketeconomyfortwentyyearsmore,intheneweraofbuildingthewell-offsocietyinanall-roundway,howdothevendorregardtaxasandhowisthetaxcollected?Thescenewilltellyou.Let’senjoyit!(Inthemarket;Dabaoinwhiteclothes,aboardwithNOSARS)Dabao::Yangrouchuan,yangrouchuan.Eatenone,wantnine.Eatenone,wantnine.Xiaofu:Hi,Dabao:Hi.Two:Whatafamiliarface.Two:It’syou!Dabao:10yearspast,youareastillataxcollector.Xiaofu:10yearspast,youstillsellYangrouchuan.Howisyourbusiness?Dabao:EverythingisOK!10yearspast,youarestillbeautifulladyinSanliheofBeijing.Xiaofu:10yearspast,youandyourYangrouchuanlookmoreclean