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IsLoveanArt?IsLoveanart?Thenitrequiresknowledgeandeffort.Orisloveapleasantsensation,whichtoexperiencesisamatterofchance,somethingonefallsintroifoneislucky?Undoubtedly,themajorityofpeopletodaybelieveinthelatter.爱是一门艺术吗？那就需要知识并付出努力。或者爱是一种令人愉悦的情感，只有幸运儿才能“坠入”爱河呢？这本小书是以第一种假设为前提的，而大多数人无疑都相信第二种假设。Notthatpeoplethinkthatloveisnotimportant.Theyarestarvedforit;theywatchendlessnumbersoffilmsabouthappyandunhappylovestories,theylistentohundredsoftrashysongsabutlove-yethardlyanyonethinksthatthereisanythingthatneedstobelearnedaboutlove.人们并非认为爱无关紧要。人们对于爱总是如饥似渴，悲欢离合的爱情电影他们百看不厌，百般无聊的爱情歌曲他们百听不烦。但很少有人认为爱需要学习。Thispeculiarattitudeisbasedonseveralpremiseswhicheithersinglyorcombinedlytendtoupholdit.Mostpeopleseetheproblemofloveprimarilyasthatof“beingloved”,ratherthanthatof“loving”,ofone'scapacitytolove.Hencetheproblemtothemishowtobeloved,howtobelovable.Inpursuitofthisaimtheyfollowseveralpaths.One,whichisespeciallyusedbymen,istobesuccessful,tobeaspowerfulandrichasthesocialmarginofone'spositionpermits.Another,usedespeciallybywomen,istomakeoneselfattractive,bycultivatingone'sbody,dress,etc.Otherwaysofmakingoneselfattractive,usedbothbymenandwomen,aretodeveloppleasantmanners,interestingconversation,tobehelpful,modest,inoffensive.Manyofthewaystomakeoneselflovablearethesameasthoseusedtomakeoneselfsuccessful,towinfriendsandinfluencepeople.Asamatteroffact,whatmostpeopleinourculturemeanbybeinglovableisessentiallyamixturebetweenbeingpopularandhavingsexappeal.对爱的这种奇怪观点基于几个错误前提，这些前提或单独或一起支撑着这一观点。多数人认为爱就是“被人爱”，而非“爱别人”，或主动去爱的能力。因此，对他们而言，关键问题就在于如何被爱，如何扮可爱。他们采取各种途径以期达到此目的。一个方法就是成为成功人士，在自己的社会地位所许可的范围内获取最大量的权力和财产。这种方法的效法者多为男性。另一个方法则是通过保持身材和注重打扮使自己富有魅力。女性优为青睐该方法。其他一些让自己魅力四射的方法有：举止得体，谈吐风趣，乐于助人、低调内敛等。这些方式男女均有采用。很多使自己可爱的方式和使自己成功的途径并无区别，那就是“赢得朋友和影响他人”。事实上，社会上大多数人所理解的“可爱”无非是受大众欢迎和对异性有吸引力这两点的综合而已。Asecondpremisebehindtheattitudethatthereisnothingtobelearnedaboutloveistheassumptionthattheproblemofloveistheproblemofan“object”,nottheproblemofa“faculty”.Peoplethinkthatto“love”issimple,butthattofindtherightobjecttolove-ortobelovedby-isdifficult.Thisattitudehasseveralreasonsrootedinthedevelopmentofmodernsociety.Onereasonisthegreatchangewhichoccurredinthe20thcenturywithrespecttothechoiceofa“loveobject”.IntheVictorianage,asinmanytraditionalcultures,lovewasmostlynotaspontaneouspersonalexperiencewhichthenmightleadtomarriage.Onthecontrary,marriagewascontractedbyconvention-eitherbytherespectivefamilies,orbyamarriagebroker,orwithoutthehelpofsuchconsiderations;itwasconcludedonthebasisofsocialconsiderations,andlovewassupposedtodeveloponcethemarriagehadbeenconcluded.InthelastfewgenerationstheconceptofromanticlovehasbecomealmostuniversalintheWesternworld.IntheUnitedStates,whileconsiderationsofaconventionalnaturearenotentirelyabsent,toavastextentpeopleareinsearchof“romanticlove”,ofthepersonalexperienceoflovewhichthenshouldleadtomarriage.Thisnewconceptoffreedominlovemusthavegreatlyenhancedtheimportanceofthe“object”asagainsttheimportanceofthe“function”.导致“爱不需要学习”这种看法的第二个前提是：人们想当然地认为爱的问题是“对象”问题，而不是“能力”问题。人们认为爱是件很简单的事，困难在于要找到爱或被爱的对象。造成这种态度的几大根源基于现代社会的发展。原因之一是：在二十世纪，人们对“恋爱对象”的选择出现了巨大变化。在维多利亚时代，同许多传统文化一样，人们一般认为爱情并非是那种最终走向婚姻的自然产生的个人情感。恰恰相反，人们认为婚姻是按照传统习俗约定的：或为父母之命，或为媒妁之言，也可能无需这些中介撮合；婚姻是按社会习俗的考虑决定的，婚姻既成，爱情随之自然而然地产生。过去几十年以来，西方世界普遍认可自由恋爱。在美国，尽管传统爱情观念并没有完全消失，但人们普遍在寻找“浪漫爱情”，寻找那种最终会走向婚姻的自由恋爱。这种自由恋爱的新概念提升了爱的“对象”的重要性，而不是爱的“能力”的重要性。Closelyrelatedtothisfactorisanotherfeaturecharacteristicofcontemporaryculture.Ourwholecultureisbasedontheappetiteforbuying,ontheideaofmutuallyfavorableexchange.Modernman'shappinessconsistsinthethrilloflookingattheshopwindows,andinbuyingallthathecanaffordtobuy,eitherforcashoroninstallments.He(orshe)looksatpeopleinasimilarway.Forthemananattractivegirl,andforthewomananattractiveman,aretheprizestheyareafter.“Attractive”usuallymeansanicepackageofqualitieswhicharepopularandsought-afteronthepersonalitymarket.Whatspecificallymakesapersonattractivedependsonthefashionofthetime,physicallyaswellasmentally.Duringthetwenties,adrinkingandsmokinggirl,toughandsexy,wasattractive;todaythefashiondemandsmoredomesticityandcoyness.Attheendofthe19thandthebeginningofthe20thcentury,amanhadtobeaggressiveandambitious-todayhehastobesocialandtolerant-inordertobeanattractivepackage.Atanyrate,thesenseoffallinginlovedevelopsusuallyonlywithregardtosuchhumancommoditiesasarewithinreachofone'sownpossibilitiesforexchange.Iamoutforabargain;theobjectshouldbedesirablefromthestandpointofitssocialvalue,andatthesametimeshouldwantme,consideringmyovertandhiddenassetsandpotentialities.Twopersonsthusfallinlovewhentheyfeeltheyhavefoundthebestobjectavailableonthemarket,consideringthelimitationsoftheirownexchangevalues.Often,asinbuyingrealestate,thehiddenpotentialitieswhichcanbedevelopedplayaconsiderableroleinthisbargain.Inacultureinwhichthemarketingorientationprevails,andinwhichmaterialsuccessistheoutstandingvalue,thereislittlereasontobesurprisedthathumanloverelationsfollowthesamepatternofexchangewhichgovernsthecommodityandthelabormarket.与这一因素紧密相关的是当代文化的一大特征。我们整个文化都是以购买欲望和互惠交换为基础的。现代人的幸福在于浏览商店橱窗时的兴奋，在于用现金或分期付款的方式购