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OfficialCommencementAddressGraduatingClassof2014fromMaharishiUniversityofManagement,May24th,2014byJimCarreyThankyouBevan,thankyouall!Ibroughtoneofmypaintingstoshowyoutoday.Hopeyouguysaregonnabeableseeitokay.It’snotoneofmybiggerpieces.Youmightwannamovedownfront—togetagoodlookatit.(kidding)Faculty,Parents,Friends,Dignitaries...GraduatingClassof2014,andallthedeadbaseballplayerscomingoutofthecorntobewithustoday.(laughter)Aftertheharvestthere’snoplacetohide—thefieldsareempty—thereisnocoverthere!(laughter)Iamheretoplantaseedthatwillinspireyoutomoveforwardinlifewithenthusiasticheartsandaclearsenseofwholeness.Thequestionis,willthatseedhaveachancetotakeroot,orwillIbesuedbyMonsantoandforcedtousetheirseed,whichmaynotbetotally“Ayurvedic.”(laughter)ExcusemeifIseemalittlelowenergytonight—today—whateverthisis.IsleptwithmyheadtotheNorthlastnight.(laughter)Ohman!Ohman!Youknowhowthatis,rightkids?WokeuprightinthemiddleofPittaandcouldn’tgetbacktosleeptillVatarolledaround,butIdidn’tfreakout.IusedthattimetoeatalargemealandconnectwithsomeonespecialonTinder.(laughter)Lifedoesn’thappentoyou,ithappensforyou.HowdoIknowthis?Idon’t,butI’mmakingsound,andthat’stheimportantthing.That’swhatI’mheretodo.Sometimes,Ithinkthat’soneoftheonlythingsthatareimportant.Justlettingeachotherknowwe’rehere,remindingeachotherthatwearepartofalargerself.IusedtothinkJimCarreyisallthatIwas...JustaflickeringlightAdancingshadowThegreatnothingmasqueradingassomethingyoucannameDwellinginfortsandcastlesmadeofwitches–wishes!Sorry,aFreudianslipthereSeekingshelterincavesandfoxholes,dugouthastilyAnarchersearchingforhistargetinthemirrorWoundedonlybymyownarrowsBeggingtobeenslavedPleadingformychainsBlindedbylongingandtrippingoverparadise–canIgetan“Amen”?!(applause)Youdidn’tthinkIcouldbeseriousdidya’?Idon'tthinkyouunderstandwhoyou'redealingwith!Ihavenolimits!IcannotbecontainedbecauseI’mthecontainer.Youcan’tcontainthecontainer,man!Youcan’tcontainthecontainer!(laughter)IusedtobelievethatwhoIwasendedattheedgeofmyskin,thatIhadbeengiventhislittlevehiclecalledabodyfromwhichtoexperiencecreation,andthoughIcouldn’thaveaskedforasportiermodel,(laughter)itwasafterallaloanerandwouldhavetobereturned.Then,Ilearnedthateverythingoutsidethevehiclewasapartofme,too,andnowIdriveaconvertible.Topdownwindinmyhair!(laughter)Iamelatedandtruly,truly,trulyexcitedtobepresentandfullyconnectedtoyouatthisimportantmomentinyourjourney.Ihopeyou’rereadytoopentheroofandtakeitallin?!(audiencedoesn’treact)Okay,fourmoreyearsthen!(laughter)IwanttothanktheTrustees,AdministratorsandFacultyofMUMforcreatinganinstitutionworthyofMaharishi’sidealsofeducation.Aplacethatteachestheknowledgeandexperiencenecessarytobeproductiveinlife,aswellasenablingthestudents,throughTranscendentalMeditationandancientVedicknowledgetoslackofftwiceadayforanhourandahalf!!(laughter)—don’tthinkyou’refoolingme!!!—(applause)but,Iguessithassomebenefits.Itdoesallowyoutoseparatewhoyoutrulyareandwhat’sreal,fromthestoriesthatrunthroughyourhead.Youhavegiventhemtheabilitytowalkbehindthemind’selaboratesetdecoration,andtoseethatthereisahugedifferencebetweenadogthatisgoingtoeatyouinyourmindandanactualdogthat’sgoingtoeatyou.(laughter)Thatmaysoundlikenobigdeal,butmanyneverlearnthatdistinctionandspendagreatdealoftheirliveslivinginfightorflightresponse.I’dliketoacknowledgeallyouwonderfulparents—waytogoforthefantasticjobyou’vedone—foryourtirelessdedication,yourlove,yoursupport,andmostofall,fortheattentionyou’vepaidtoyourchildren.Ihaveasaying,“Bewaretheunloved,”becausetheywilleventuallyhurtthemselves...orme!(laughter)ButwhenIlookatthisgroupheretoday,Ifeelreallysafe!Ido!I’mjustgoingtosayit—myroomisnotlocked!Myroomisnotlocked!(laughter)Nodoubtsomeofyouwillturnouttobecrooks!Butwhite-collarstuff—WallSt.ya’know,thattypeofthing—crimescommittedbypeoplewithself-esteem!Stuffaparentcanstillbeproudofinaweirdway.(laughter)Andtothegraduatingclassof2017—minus3!Youdidn'tletmefinish!(laughter)—Congratulations!(applause)Yes,giveyourselvesaroundofapplause,please.Youarethevanguardofknowledgeandconsciousness;anewwaveinavastoceanofpossibilities.Ontheothersideofthatdoor,thereisaworldstarvingfornewleadership,newideas.I’vebeenouttherefor30years!She’sawildcat!(laughter)Oh,she’llrubupagainstyourlegandpurruntilyoupickherupandstartpettin’her,andoutofnowhereshe’llswatyouintheface.Sureit’sroughsometimesbutthat’sOK,‘causethey’vegotsoftserveicecreamwithsprinkles!(laughter)Iguessthat’swhatI’mreallyheretosay;sometimesit’sokaytoeatyourfeelings!(laughter)Fearisgoingtobeaplayerinyourlife,butyougettodecidehowmuch.Youcanspendyourwholelifeimaginingghosts,worryingaboutyourpathwaytothefuture,butalltherewilleverbeiswhat’shappeninghere,andthedecisionswemakeinthismoment,whicharebasedineitherloveorfear.Somanyofuschooseourpathoutoffeardisguisedaspracticality.Whatwereallywantseemsimpossiblyoutofreachandridiculoustoexpect,soweneverdaretoasktheuniverseforit.I’msaying,I’mtheproofthatyoucanasktheuniverseforit—please!(applause)Andifitdoesn'thappenforyourightaway,it’sonlybecausetheuniverseissobusyfulfillingmyorder.It