Jealousy-妒忌

Jealousy|妒忌Whenitcomestoruiningfriendships,fewemotionsbeatthegreen-eyedmonster,jealousy.Whatmakesitsopowerful—andsopotentiallydestructive?WitheveryonefromparentstoteacherstoTVshowstellingyouto“justbeyourself,”asuddenlongingtobemorelikesomebodyelsecanbeconfusing!Yourself-confidencesuffers.Youstartworryingthatyou’renot“goodenough,”eventhoughyouweregoodenoughjustyesterday.Thentheresentmentcreepsin:“She’ssoperfect!Shegetseverything,andIgetnothing.”Andtotopitoff5,youfeelguilty,too.Howcanyouresentsomeoneelse’ssuccessorgoodfortunelikethat—especiallyifshe’syourfriend?(Whatkindofpersonareyou,anyway?)Betweenbeingdownon6yourself,resentingyourfriend,andtheguilt,you’retotallymiserable…andasifthatisn’tbadenough,yourfriendshipsuffers,too.Yetjealousyisperfectlynormal.Infact,it’saprettysafebetthateverysinglegirlyouknowhasfeltit.Afterall,weliveinacompetitiveworld,wheregirlsareexpectedtostrivetobe“thebest”(evenwhilethey’rebeingthemselves!).Seeingsomeonewhoisbetteratanythingcansting,evenifweknowdeepdown7thatnobody’sperfect.Sowhatcanyoudoaboutit?Youcan’thelpfeelingjealous,right?Maybenot,butyoucankeepjealousyfromrunningyourlife.Thekeyistostopitfromturningintoallthoseotherthoughtsandfeelings.Andthefirststeptodoingthatistoownupto8thefeeling—atleasttoyourself.Justadmitit:You’rejealous!(Wasthatsohard?)Thenextstep?Remindyourselfthatfeelingjealoushasnothingtodowithbeing“goodenough.”Nomatterhowtalentedorbeautifuloraccomplished,everyhumanbeingfeelsjealoussometimes,notjustthoseofuswhoaren’tgoodenough—whateverthatmeans.Ifyoucantrulyacceptthateveryonehasbothtalentsandflaws,you’llseethatit’spointlesstofocusallyourpowerfulenergyonwishingyouweresomeonemoreperfect,becausethere’sjustnosuchthing.Nowlet’sgobacktotheideathatyoucan’thelphowyoufeel.That’scertainlytrueenough…butyoucanhelphowyouactonthosefeelings.Ifyouwantyourfriendshipstosurvivetheoccasionalattackofthegreen-eyedmonster,it’simportanttounderstandthatjealousyisneveranexcusefortreatingafriendbadly.IsityourBFF’s9faultthatshemakeseverybasketshethrowsorcansinglikeKellyClarkson?Ofcoursenot!Sodon’tpoutorbroodorbiteherheadoff10…instead,turnthatjealousyintoacompliment.Didshemakeanawesome11catchtoday?Doeshernewhaircutmakeherlooklikeamoviestar?Tellherso!Believeitornot,you’llfeelbetter—andshewill,too.TheFlipSide12Butwhataboutthosetimeswhenyou’retheobjectofenvy?Whatifyourfriendistheonewho’sjealous—andhandlingitbadly?Youcan’tchangeherbehavior,butyoucanactinwaysthatwillmakeherfeelbetterandhelpsaveyourfriendship,too.Don＇ttrytoconvinceanyonethatyou＇reperfect．Sometimeswefeelasthoughwehavetobeperfecttobeloved,butthinkaboutit:Doyouwantyourfriendstobeflawless?Don’tthinkso!Soletyourbuds13inonthetruth:Youfacechallengesandproblems,justlikeanyone.Iftheyknowthatyoursoccerskillscomefromyearsofpractice(andmanybruises),they’llbemorelikelytosincerelycelebrateyoursuccessesonthefield.Iftheyknowthatyousometimesoversleep,lookawful,orgetintrouble,they’llsympathizewhendisasterstrikes,insteadofthinking,“Ha!Shefinallymessedup14!”Admireyourfriend＇sstrengths．Wouldyoulookaway,unimpressed,ifsomeoneturnedaflawlesscartwheel15?Ofcoursenot.Nowtakeitonestepfurther.Ifyourbestfriendhasbeautifulhair,makesblueberrypancakestodiefor16,orknowsexactlywhattodoinanemergency,tellherhowmuchyouadmirethosequalities.Ifsheknowsyou’resincere,she’llfinditmucheasiertoappreciateyourtalentswithoutwishingtheywereherown.Neversay,“You＇rejustjealous!”Evenifit’strue,youwon’tgainanything—she’lljustbeevenmoreupsetwithyou.Instead,givehersometimetogetoverit.Soonshe’llbeactinglikeherselfagain.AvoidtheQueenofJealousy．It’seasytoseethatafriendwhotreatsyoubadlybecauseshe’sjealousisn’tactinglikeafriend.Butwhataboutafriendwholooksuptoyousomuchthatsheseemstothinkyou’rebetterthansheis?Ouradvice:Beverycareful.Theadorationmaybeflatteringatfirst,butthatsortoffriendmayhavedangerouslylowself-esteem.Soonerorlater,she’sboundto17startresentingyou—andtakingitouton18yourfriendship.Eveningirlswithlotsofself-confidence,jealousycansometimesspringupwhereyouleastexpectit.Butifyouknowhowtohandleit,thegreen-eyedmonsterdoesn’thavetothreatenthefriendshipsyoucaresomuchabout.Infact,there’sevensomegoodthatcancomefromjealousy.Thinkaboutit:Thatlittlestingofenvyspringsfromdeepadmiration,right?Soletthatadmirationspur19youtoaction.Ifyouadmireyourfriend’ssuccessatsciencecompetitions,consideryourowntalentsandinterests,andfindawaytogoafterthatkindofsuccessforyourself.Insteadoflettingthegreen-eyedmonstermakeyoumiserable,turnittoyouradvantage.Inthelongrun20,you’llbenefit—andsowillyourfriendships.你这是怎么了？你是在妒忌她啊！妒忌：绿眼怪兽说起破坏友谊的几种情绪，鲜有能够斗得过“妒忌”这只绿眼怪兽的。它为什么拥有如此强大的威慑力和潜在的破坏力呢？无论是父母、老师，还是电视节目，每个人都教导你“要有自己的个性”，但是你却突然更想像别人一样；这确实会让人不知所措。自信心受挫，你开始担心自己还不够优秀，尽管你仍和往常一样没什么变化。而且，一丝怨恨之情悄悄袭上心头：“她完美无缺，拥有一切！而我却什么都没有！”最糟的是，你还有一种负罪感。自己怎么能怨恨别人的成功或好运——尤其当那个人是你朋友的时候？（无论怎样，你这是成了什么人啦？）对自己不满意，又怨恨朋友，同时又感到内疚，你被这几种情绪折磨得可怜兮兮……这好像还不够糟糕透顶，你们的友情受影响了。然而妒忌之情却是百分之百的正常现象。实际上你认识的每个女孩都有过这种心态，这点绝对可以打包票。毕竟这是一个竞争激烈的世界，女孩期望通过努力成为最好的（尽管她们都各有所长）。看到别人的拿手好戏，心被深深刺痛了，即使心里很清楚人无完人。那么你该怎么办呢？抑制不住妒忌之情吧？或许是的，但是你可以不让这种情绪主宰你的生活。关键是要防止妒忌转化成其他的想法和感情。首先要坦白承认这种情绪