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Don'tBeBoring:4KeystoWritingEffectiveSalesEmailsLastweekIwascleaningupsomeoldfileswhenIranacrossanemailaccountusedduringmyfirstyearsinthecallcenterforstoringcopiesofclientsalesemailsIsent.IwasgladIhadsavedtheseemails,believingthatIcouldusethemforeducationalpurposesinthefuture,andboy,wasIright.Someofthemmademecringeandthink:WhatwasIthinking?Someoftheseareawful.We'vetalkedaboutvoicemailmessagesinthepastandidentifiedpointstoincludeandnottoinclude.Butwhatabouttheemailswesendtoourclients?Inadditiontoacompellingsubjectline,whataresomethingsyoushouldincludeandhowshouldtheemailbestructuredtomakeyouremailsmoreeffectiveatinitiatingaconversation?Let'sdissectthefollowingemailIfoundinmyarchive.It'ssogenericthatIseeemailmessageswithasimilarformatlandinmyinboxtoday:HiBob,Hopethise-mailfindsyouhavingagreatday.Followingupinreferencetoyougettingonourwebsite,[insertyourwebsitehere]anddownloading[insertyourreferencedocument]fromus.WantedtotouchbasetoseewhatledyoutothewebsiteaswellastoseeifIcouldbeofanyadditionalhelp.Wouldlovetogetincontactwithyouviaphoneore-mail.Pleasefeelfreetocontactmeatyourearliestconvenience.ForaLIMITEDTIMEspecialEconomicStimulusPricingContactmeforfurtherdetails.Lookforwardtohearingfromyou.Haveagreatday!LikeIsaid,it'sverygeneric--andnotveryengaging.Buttheformatisprolific,probablybecauseit'squickandeasytocreate.Let'sdoareviewanddiscoverwhereitfallsshort.ThePleasantriesHopethise-mailfindsyouhavingagreatday.Inthisfirstline,myplanwastoinitiatetheconversationwithsometypeofpleasantriesbyreferringtothegreatdayIhopedhewashaving.Thiswasagreatplan,unlessBobwasnothavingagreatday.Hecouldhavebeenhavingawonderfulday.Healsocouldhavehadanaccidentthatmorningandhadtogetaridetoworkfromacoworker.OrmaybeBob'sdoctorhadcalledhimwithsomebadnewsregardingamedicaltest.IfBobisnothavingagoodday,mymessagewon'tmatchhisstateofmind,andmyemailwilllikelybepassedoveratbestanddeletedatworstbeforehegetstothegoodstuff.HowareyoudoingandHopeyou'rehavingagooddayaresuchlacklusteropenersthatmostofusrespondwithequallylacklusterandautomaticanswers,likefineorgood.Openinglineslikethesereallydon'tengageyourprospect.Whatyoureallywantistogettheirattentionimmediatelyandbuildrapport,justlikeyouwoulddoinavoicemailmessage.IfIwererewritingthisemail,Iwoulddropthislineandopenwitharelevantfactofsometype.TheReasonfortheEmailNo.1Followingupinreferencetoyougettingonourwebsite,[insertyourwebsitehere]anddownloading[insertyourreferencedocument]fromus.Thislinereferstotheprospectvisitingourwebsiteanddownloadingadocument.Atthetime,Ithoughtitwasagoodmovebecauseitestablishedacommonreferencepoint.Inretrospect,I'mnotconvincedofitseffectiveness.Myprospectknewthathewasonmysite.Heknewthathedownloadedmywhitepaper,andheknewthatinordertodownloadthewhitepaper,hehadtosupplyhiscontactinformation.Thislinesays:I'mwatchingyou.I'vegotnothingbettertodothantositbymylaptopandwaitforprospectstogetonmysitelikeaspiderinherlairwaitingforhernextmealtowanderintoherweb.Inretrospect,Iwouldleaveoffalloftheextrawordsandsimplyconfirmthedownloadbystating,Yesterday,youdownloadedthedocument[nameofdocument]…andthenexplainwhythatissignificant.Soundslikeafacttome.Maybethisfactshouldhavebeenmyopeningline.TheReasonfortheEmailNo.2WantedtotouchbasetoseewhatledyoutothewebsiteaswellastoseeifIcouldbeofanyadditionalhelp.Thislinetellsthemthepurposefortheemail.I'mjustfollowinguptomakesurethatyoufoundeverythingandseeifIcouldbeofanyfurtherassistance.Isthattherealreasonformyemail--tomakesurethattheyfoundeverythingthattheywerelookingforortoseeifIcouldbeofanyassistance?Assalespeople,whenwemakethesetypesofcallsorsendoutfollow-upemails,wearen'tactinginacustomersupportrole.Wearen'tcallingtodiscoveriftheyfoundeverythingthattheyneeded.Wealreadyknowtheresponsewe'llget:Yep,foundeverythingIneeded.Nope,don'tneedanyfurtherhelp.Andwhileknowledgeofwhatpromptedthemtovisitoursiteishelpful,aselfservingstatementlike,Wantedtoseewhatbroughtyoutooursiteshouldn'tbeintheemailunlessyouareconductingamarketingsurveyorawebsitereview.Thisisasalesletter.Whenwemakethesecallsorsendtheseemails,wearedoingsoassalespeoplelookingtomovetheprospecttothenextstageinthesalesprocess.Again,Iwouldn'tevenbotherwiththislineunlessI'mcallinginthecapacityofcustomersupport.TheCalltoActionWouldlovetogetincontactwithyouviaphoneore-mail.Pleasefeelfreetocontactmeatyourearliestconvenience.ThisisanuglylinethatmakesmecringewhenIreadit.Here,I'mstatingthatIwouldlovetogetincontactwithmyprospect,butthereisnothinginmyemailindicatingwhythisisgoodforthem.Theyalreadyhavethewhitepaper.Whydotheyneedtotalktome?Igivethemnocompellingreasontohavefurthercontactwithme.Then,tomakeitworse,Itellthemthattheyhavetocontactmeattheirearliestconvenience.That'snevergoingtohappenwithoutaverycompellingreasonforthemtodoso.TheOfferForaLIMITEDTIMEspecialEconomicStimulusPricing.Contactmeforfurtherdetails.Lastly,Ireferencesomethingthatmightbeofinteresttothem--specialpricing.Butit'sattheveryendoftheemail,addedasanafterthought.Andonceagain,theonusisonthemtocontactme.TheResultIhaveplentyofsampleemailsusingthisgen