TED英语演讲：我不是你们心目中的那个亚裔形象

参考资料，少熬夜！TED英语演讲：我不是你们心目中的那个亚裔形象我的名字叫灿文，我既弹钢琴又拉小提琴。Iaspiretosomedaybeadoctor,andmyfavoritesubjectiscalculus.Mymomanddadaretigerparents,whowon'tletmegotosleepovers,buttheymakeupforitbyservingmyfavoritemealeverysingleday.Rice.AndI'mareallybaddriver.Somyquestionforyounowis,HowlongdidittakeyoutofigureoutIwasjoking?Asyou'veprobablyguessed,todayIamgoingtotalkaboutraceandI'llstartoffbysharingwithyoumystoryofgrowingupAsian-American.ImovedtotheUnitedStateswhenIwastwoyearsold,soalmostmyentirelifehasbeenablendoftwocultures.Ieatpastawithchopsticks.I'maddictedtoorangechicken,andmychildhoodherowasYaoMing.ButhavinggrownupinNorthDakota,SouthDakota,andIdaho,allstateswithincrediblelittleracialdiversity,itwasdifficulttoreconcilemyso-calledexoticChineseheritagewithmymainstreamAmericanself.UsedtobeingtheonlyAsianintheroom,Iwasself-consciousatthefirstthingpeoplenoticedaboutmewas,thatIwasn'twhite.AndasachildIquicklybegantorealizethatIhadtwooptionsinfrontofme.Conformedtothestereotypethatwasexpectedofme,orconformedtothewhitenessthatsurroundedme.Therewasnoinbetween.Forme,thismeantthatIalwaysfeltself-consciousaboutbeinggoodatmaths,becausepeoplewouldjustsayitwasbecauseIwasAsian,notbecauseIactuallyworkedhard.Itmeantthatwheneveraboyaskedmeout,itwasbecausehehadtheyellowfever,andnotbecauseheactuallylikedme.Itmeantthatforthelongesttime，myidentityhadformedaroundthefactthatIwasdifferent.AndIthoughtthatbeingAsianwastheonlyspecialthingaboutme.TheseeffectswereemphasizedbytheplaceswhereIlived.参考资料，少熬夜！Don'tgetmewrong.Onlyasmallpercentageofpeoplewereactuallyracist,or,evenborderlineracist,butthevastmajoritywerejustalittlebitclueless.Now,Iknowyouareprobablythinking,What'sthedifference?Well,hereisanexample.Notracistcansoundlike,I'mwhiteandyou'renot.Racistcansoundlike,I'mwhite,you'renot,andthatmakesmebetterthanyou.Butcluelesssoundslike,I'mwhite,you'renot,andIdon'tknowhowtodealwiththat.Now,Idon'tdoubtforasecondthatthesecluelesspeoplearestillniceindividualswithgreatintentions.Buttheydoasksomequestionsthatbecomeprettyannoyingafterawhile.Hereareafewexamples.You'reChinese,ohmygoodness,IhaveaChinesefriend,doyouknowhim?No.Idon'tknowhim.Becausecontrarytoyourunrealisticexpectations,Idonotknoweverysingleoneofthe1.35billionChinesepeoplewholiveonPlanetEarth.Peoplealsotendtoask,Wheredoesyournamecomefrom?,andIreallydon'tknowhowtoanswerthat,soIusuallystickwiththetruth.Myparentsgaveittome.Wheredoesyournamecomefrom?Don'tevengetmestartedonhowmanytimespeoplehaveconfusedmewithadifferentAsianperson.Onetimesomeonecameuptomeandsaid,Angie,Iloveyourartwork!AndIwassuperconfused,soIjustthankedthemandwalkedaway.But,outofallthequestionsmyfavoriteoneisstilltheclassic,Whereareyoufrom?,becauseI'velivedinquiteafewplaces,sothisishowtheconversationusuallygoes.Whereareyoufrom?Oh,IamfromBoise,Idaho.Isee,butwhereareyoureallyfrom?Imean,IlivedinSouthDakotaforawhile.Okay,whataboutbeforethat?Imean,IlivedinNorthDakota.Okay,I'mjustgoingtocutstraighttothechasehere,IguesswhatI'msayingis,haveyoueverlived参考资料，少熬夜！anywherefarawayfromhere,wherepeopletalkalittledifferently?Oh,Iknowwhereyoutalkingabout,yesIhave,IusedtoliveinTexas.Bythen,theyusuallyhavejustgivenupandwondertothemselveswhyI'mnotoneofthecoolAsianslikeJeremyLinorJackieChan,ortheyskiptheneedlessbanterandgostraightforthe,Whereisyourfamilyfrom?So,justanFYIforallofyououtthere,thatisthesafeststrategy.But,asamusingastheseinteractionswere,oftentimestheymademewanttorejectmyownculture,becauseIthoughtithelpedmeconform.IdistancedmyselffromtheAsianstereotypeasmuchaspossible,bydegradingmyownrace,andpretendingIhatedmath.Andtheworsepartwas,itworked.ThemoreIrejectedmyChineseidentity,themorepopularIbecame.Mypeerslikedmemore,becauseIwasmoresimilartothem.Ibecamemoreconfident,becauseIknewIwasmoresimilartothem.ButasIbecamemoreAmericanized,Ialsobegantolosebitsandpiecesofmyself,partsofmethatIcannevergetback,andnomatterhowmuchItriedtopretendthatIwasthesameasmyAmericanclassmates,Iwasn't.BecauseforpeoplewhohavelivedintheplaceswhereIlived,whiteisthenorm,andforme,whitebecamethenormtoo.Formyfourteenthbirthday,IreceivedthevideogameTheSims3,whichletsyoucreateyourowncharactersandcontroltheirlives.Myfourteen-year-oldselfcreatedtheperfectlittlemainstreamfamily,completewithahugemansionandanenormousswimmingpool.Ibinge-playedthegameforaboutthreemonths,thenputitawayandneverreallythoughtaboutitagain,untilafewweeksago,whenIcametoasuddenrealization.Thefamily,thatIhadcustom-designed,waswhite.ThecharacterthatIhaddesignedformyself,waswhite.EveryoneIhaddesignedwaswhite.Andtheworstpartwas,thiswasbynomeansaconsciousdecisionthatIhadmade.参考资料，少熬夜！NeveroncedidIthinktomyselfthatIcouldactuallymakethecharacterslooklikeme.Withouteventhinking,whitehadbecomemynormtoo.Thetruthis,AsianAmericansplayastrangeroleintheAmericanmeltingpot.Wearethemodelminority.Societyusesoursuccesstopitusagainstotherpeopleofcolorasjustificationthatracismdoesn'texist.Butwasdoesthatmeanforus,AsianAmericans?Itmeansthatwearenotquitesimilarenoughtobeaccepted,butwearen'tdifferentenoughtobeloathed.Weareinaperpetuallygreyzone,