搞笑英语剧本

参考资料，少熬夜！搞笑英语剧本搞笑英文剧本(1)搞笑英语剧本（一）演员表：西门吹雪叶孤城花满楼king旁白道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠旁白：Aquietvillageiscoveredwithwhitesnow.Birdsaredancinginthecold.Amaniswalkingalongthestreet,stepbystep.Windiscominginsilence.Anothermysteriousmanapproaches.Y与X相遇。X:oH,Iamsorrytoknockyou!Y:Haha,Nevermindbaybay.X:Excuseme,whoareyouonearth?couldyoutellmeyourname?Y:haha,Iwon’tchangemyname!nomatterwhathappens.I’mthemostfamous-------YeGucheng.Whoareyou?X:Iamximenchuixue.Y惊讶：Ar,ximenchuixue?X:Yes,whatiswrong?Y:IheardthatyouarethebestingMartialArts?X:Great,youknowme!Y抱腿：Please,please……Don’tkillme!letmeyougo!X:No,Imustkillyou!Y:Idon''''''''''''''''twanttobekilled.Thereareaeighty-year-oldmotheandathree-yearoldsontobelookedafterbyme!X:Noway!Becausewearefightingnow!youknow?Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don''''''''''''''''tforceme!X:Pardon!（Y拿出一袋牛奶）X抢过牛奶：milk,verygood!Ilikedrinkingit.howdoyouknowthat?参考资料，少熬夜！Y:pleasedrinkit!X喝完牛奶：Thanks,ha,haY:Doyoustillwanttokillme?X:Sure,must!milkismilk.Y（恼怒+冷酷）：Verygood!verygood!Ihopeyouwillnotforgetwhatyousaid!?X:I’msureIwon’t!Y:Imustgiveyoualesson!IfIdon''''''''''''''''tbeatyourhistime,you’llneverbehaveproperly!3-2-1-0!X捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach,Oach!Y大笑：HaHa……X可怜状：help!help!Whereisthewashroom?Y:What?X:Toliet?Y:What?X:TheWC?Y:Oh,Isee,goalongthisstreetandturnrightwhenyouseeacorssingroad!X:Thanks,byebye.Y掏出纸屑吹：Thisisgenuirnesnow!H:Stop!Protectingtheenvironmentisabasicobligation!Y:Whoareyou?H:Hua---man----lou!Haveyouseenximenchuixue?Y:Yes,hewasbeatenbymeandisinWCnow,ha……H惊讶：Nowyouarethebestintheworld!Y:Youareright!H:Teriffic!youaretheonemykinglookingfor!doyouwantjoininus?Y:Yes,It’sverygood.H:Ok,followme,Let’sgotoseemyking!Y:Ok,Let’sgo!第二幕：无间道H:Mydearest!letmeintroduceyeguchengtoyou!（指Y）thisisyegucheng.K:sitdownplese,yegucheng.H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状：Yegucheng!Doyouwanttofollowmykingnomatterwhathappenssuchascoldheadache,sairandaids?Y:Yes,Ido.K:Huamanlou,come.puttheringonhisfinger!参考资料，少熬夜！（音乐停）X唱着上：Onlyyou……（看到戒子）thisringshouldbemine!K:Butwhoareyou?whyshoulditbelongyou?Y急切：king!dearking!Imustgonow,mybrotherislookingforme!huoxi（维语再见）K:huoxi?Whatdoesthatmean?ItisnotEnglish,isn’tit?Y:Howclever……X冷酷：yegucheng!comehere!Iwanttotellyousomething!Y抱X的腿：oldbrother!Forgiveme!X:Forgiveme?Why?Y:Oncetherewasachangebeforeme,Ilostit.Ifthegodgivemeantherchance,I’lltellyouIloveyou,Iftheremustbealimitedperiod,Ihopeitisthousandyear!X:Youshallcheatme!allyoudidarewrong!howcanyoutellthelady’sWC!Y:Ilikegoinglady’sWC.I……I……IthinkthatyoulikewhatIlike.（Y又拿出一袋牛奶）X:m-i-l-k?haha,ayixidailu!（我爱你的意思）K:ayixidailu?What’sthemeaning?whyIalsocan’tunderstandyou?X:Youarestupid!ItmeansIloveyou.K:Don’tsaythatyouloveme.I’llkillyouforyousayingdirtywordtome!X:What?（侧耳装着听不到）You---kill----me?come,come…（X上去抓住K）K:Imustkillyou!X:Howcanyoukillme?haha……Y:Letmehaveatry!3-2-1-0（X捂着肚子，蹲下）K:thankyouverymuch,yousaveme.Now,I’llgiveyoutheticketforAmericantoletyouhaveavacation.Y:That’sgood.butthereisonemorething.canyougivemeaMM?IwanttogoAmericanwithher.K:ofcouse.Youaretheonewhohasthesimilartastewithme!Hahaha……Y:Hahaha-----H:Where’ssomewhere?参考资料，少熬夜！K:What?Y:Doyouwanttogolady’sWC?X:Yes,I……I……do.H顶着摇头：X,no,no,youcan’tgotoLady’sWC.Thatisnottheplacewhereyoucangointo!becauseyouareX!youarethebestmanofChinesekongfu!X:whatifI’mthebestintheword?!whyItrymybesttolivebutI’mstillsomiserable?whencanIgetmyfreedom?mustbethedeadday?!K:youareright.onewillnotbecleveruntilthedayhedie.Inthatcase,whywillyoudieinsuchabadsorrowway!gointotheLady’sWC,thendie,comfortablly!goahead!H:you,stupid,badbehavior!goaway!K;why?whydoyouhelphim!whoacturallyareyou?H:myrealnameisLuXiaofeng------thewifeofX.I’maspy.K惊讶：!you---you---YouareLuXiaofeng?X’wife?Y:Ihavealreadyrecognizedyou.atricker!doyouknow,youarethefirstpersonwhocheatedme!becauseofyou,Ideeideneverbelieveanyoneelse,includingmyself.youhavedestroyedmylookingforyouformanyyears,justfortoday!（轻声说）Xwilldie,goandseehim,please.H扑倒在X的身边：X,do’tdie,youshouldbealive,therearemuchhopeinthefatureandtomorrowisagoodbeginning!K:whatamovingstory!Iwasimpressed!Y:lifeisaprogress,butitisdepressedthatitcannotresume!H:lifeisaprogress,anditisdelightthatitneedn’tresume!（H忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，K吓跑。音乐《再见，警察》起）Y痛苦状：don’tleavemehere,youknowIloveyouandIhavenothingexceptyounow,pleasenotabandonme!realizethatI’mwrong.helpme,Iintendtobeback,helpme,Ikeyyou,begyou------helpme.I’llneverdothatagain!（Y死，音乐停）参考资料，少熬夜！（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的`父亲母亲》原声音乐起）H:X,oh,no,youcan’tdie,wewillgohometogether.X:gohome!?H:Tomorrowisanotherday!evenyouhavethelastsecondtolive,youshouldbealive,notonlyforme,butforourlove!X:doyouwantmelivealifeinsuchasorrowway?ok,ok,IpromiseIwillbealiveforyou.but!youknow,Ihavenottimeleft,butyouhave,promisethatyouwillbehappyeveryday!Youmustdomethishonor…promisemeyouwillsurvive…thatyouwillnevergiveup…nomatterwhathappens…nomatterhowhopeless…promisemenow,andneverletgoofthatpromise.H:Ipromise.X:Neverletgo.H:Ipromise.Iwillneverletgo,X.I''''''''llneverletgo.H:bealive!yeah,bealive!bealivewithoutahendance!lifecanbechanceliketimecangotoback.thereisbeatifulsnowbutinsping,solifecancomefromthebeginning!搞笑英语剧本（二）人物：农夫，兔子A,兔子B,大树。农夫：