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THREEMENONTHEBUMMEL1THREEMENONTHEBUMMELbyJeromeK.JeromeTHREEMENONTHEBUMMEL2CHAPTERIThreemenneedchange--Anecdoteshowingevilresultofdeception--MoralcowardiceofGeorge--Harrishasideas--YarnoftheAncientMarinerandtheInexperiencedYachtsman--Aheartycrew--Dangerofsailingwhenthewindisofftheland--Impossibilityofsailingwhenthewindisoffthesea--TheargumentativenessofEthelbertha--Thedampnessoftheriver--Harrissuggestsabicycletour--Georgethinksofthewind--HarrissuggeststheBlackForest--Georgethinksofthehills--PlanadoptedbyHarrisforascentofhills--InterruptionbyMrs.Harris.Whatwewant,saidHarris,isachange.Atthismomentthedooropened,andMrs.HarrisputherheadintosaythatEthelberthahadsenthertoremindmethatwemustnotbelategettinghomebecauseofClarence.Ethelbertha,Iaminclinedtothink,isunnecessarilynervousaboutthechildren.Asamatteroffact,therewasnothingwrongwiththechildwhatever.Hehadbeenoutwithhisauntthatmorning;andifhelookswistfullyatapastrycook'swindowshetakeshiminsideandbuyshimcreambunsandmaids-of-honouruntilheinsiststhathehashadenough,andpolitely,butfirmly,refusestoeatanotheranything.Then,ofcourse,hewantsonlyonehelpingofpuddingatlunch,andEthelberthathinksheissickeningforsomething.Mrs.Harrisaddedthatitwouldbeaswellforustocomeupstairssoon,onourownaccountalso,asotherwiseweshouldmissMuriel'srenderingofTheMadHatter'sTeaParty,outofAliceinWonderland.MurielisHarris'ssecond,ageeight:sheisabright,intelligentchild;butIpreferhermyselfinseriouspieces.Wesaidwewouldfinishourcigarettesandfollowalmostimmediately;wealsobeggedhernottoletMurielbeginuntilwearrived.Shepromisedtoholdthechildbackaslongaspossible,andwent.Harris,assoonasthedoorwasclosed,resumedhisinterruptedsentence.YouknowwhatImean,hesaid,acompletechange.Thequestionwashowtogetit.Georgesuggestedbusiness.ItwasthesortofsuggestionGeorgeTHREEMENONTHEBUMMEL3wouldmake.Abachelorthinksamarriedwomandoesn'tknowenoughtogetoutofthewayofasteam-roller.Iknewayoungfellowonce,anengineer,whothoughthewouldgotoViennaonbusiness.Hiswifewantedtoknowwhatbusiness?HetoldheritwouldbehisdutytovisittheminesintheneighbourhoodoftheAustriancapital,andtomakereports.Shesaidshewouldgowithhim;shewasthatsortofwoman.Hetriedtodissuadeher:hetoldherthataminewasnoplaceforabeautifulwoman.Shesaidshefeltthatherself,andthatthereforeshedidnotintendtoaccompanyhimdowntheshafts;shewouldseehimoffinthemorning,andthenamuseherselfuntilhisreturn,lookingroundtheViennashops,andbuyingafewthingsshemightwant.Havingstartedtheidea,hedidnotseeverywellhowtogetoutofit;andfortenlongsummerdayshedidvisittheminesintheneighbourhoodofVienna,andintheeveningwrotereportsaboutthem,whichshepostedforhimtohisfirm,whodidn'twantthem.IshouldbegrievedtothinkthateitherEthelberthaorMrs.Harrisbelongedtothatclassofwife,butitisaswellnottooverdobusiness--itshouldbekeptforcasesofrealemergency.No,Isaid,thethingistobefrankandmanly.IshalltellEthelberthathatIhavecometotheconclusionamannevervalueshappinessthatisalwayswithhim.Ishalltellherthat,forthesakeoflearningtoappreciatemyownadvantagesasIknowtheyshouldbeappreciated,Iintendtotearmyselfawayfromherandthechildrenforatleastthreeweeks.Ishalltellher,Icontinued,turningtoHarris,thatitisyouwhohaveshownmemydutyinthisrespect;thatitistoyouweshallowe--Harrisputdownhisglassratherhurriedly.Ifyoudon'tmind,oldman,heinterrupted,I'dreallyratheryoudidn't.She'lltalkitoverwithmywife,and--well,Ishouldnotbehappy,takingcreditthatIdonotdeserve.Butyoudodeserveit,Iinsisted;itwasyoursuggestion.Itwasyougavemetheidea,interruptedHarrisagain.Youknowyousaiditwasamistakeforamantogetintoagroove,andthatunbrokendomesticitycloyedthebrain.THREEMENONTHEBUMMEL4Iwasspeakinggenerally,Iexplained.Itstruckmeasveryapt,saidHarris.IthoughtofrepeatingittoClara;shehasagreatopinionofyoursense,Iknow.Iamsurethatif--Wewon'triskit,Iinterrupted,inmyturn;itisadelicatematter,andIseeawayoutofit.WewillsayGeorgesuggestedtheidea.ThereisalackofgenialhelpfulnessaboutGeorgethatitsometimesvexesmetonotice.Youwouldhavethoughthewouldhavewelcomedthechanceofassistingtwooldfriendsoutofadilemma;instead,hebecamedisagreeable.Youdo,saidGeorge,andIshalltellthemboththatmyoriginalplanwasthatweshouldmakeaparty--childrenandall;thatIshouldbringmyaunt,andthatweshouldhireacharmingoldchateauIknowofinNormandy,onthecoast,wheretheclimateispeculiarlyadaptedtodelicatechildren,andthemilksuchasyoudonotgetinEngland.Ishalladdthatyouover-rodethatsuggestion,arguingweshouldbehappierbyourselves.WithamanlikeGeorgekindnessisofnouse;youhavetobefirm.Youdo,saidHarris,andI,forone,willclosewiththeoffer.Wewilljusttakethatchateau.Youwillbringyouraunt--Iwillseetothat,--andwewillhaveamonthofit.Thechildrenareallfondofyou;J.andIwillbenowhere.You'vepromisedtoteachEdgarfishing;anditisyouwhowillhavetoplaywildbeasts.SincelastSundayDickandMurielhavetalkedofnothingelsebutyourhippopotamus.Wewillpicnicinthewoods--therewillonlybeelevenofus,--andintheeveningswewillhavemusicandrecitations.Murielismasterofsixpiecesalready,asperhapsyouknow;andalltheotherchildrenarequickstudies.Georgeclimbeddown--hehasnorealcourage--buthedidnotdoitgracefully.Hesaidthatifwewere